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Post by ironhamster on Oct 5, 2017 13:08:17 GMT -5
It reminds me of a line Dr. Laura would use on her radio program on occasion when someone was trying to figure out how to fix a situation. "Some things can't be fixed."
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 5, 2017 13:35:48 GMT -5
"Sorry if I'm being a downer. We fought most of last night and she slept on the couch. My patience is near gone.)"
Sounds like time to be gone. Nothing good seems to be left.
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Post by lwoetin on Oct 6, 2017 4:30:21 GMT -5
Woo sounds as helpful as what I got.... I need to have an emotional connection to have sex. I got stuck doing the dishes every day. But I have HOPE!  and Faith, Love. Just the dishes? I got stuck with all the cooking and laundry too! Amazing, the things we all do because of "hope" but that alone is a big help for her. She didn't need more from me in that area. But I had to give up more in other areas, like physical intimacy (she wants less). I'm trying to listen to her needs without wiping myself out. |
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Post by M2G on Oct 6, 2017 13:08:00 GMT -5
OK day two - I actually touched her leg last night and she didn't jump away. ..May have frozen a bit though.
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Post by M2G on Oct 7, 2017 22:53:31 GMT -5
Day three; we talked all day about PD people, our parents and our message boards. I refrained from mentioning the name of this forum. Felt like good ole days. It got hot here & we had just a hint of bare flesh touching. No jumping away. I will tell you though, that if this all turns into bullshit, or reset sex, I'm going outsource. Open marriage? Those times are far behind us now. We lack the maturity we had when we were in our 20's & 30's <sarcasm> At the end of this, go or no-go, no one will be able to tell me that I didn't give it my all In bed alone, tablet in hand, 3 cats tonight |
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Post by baza on Oct 8, 2017 2:02:11 GMT -5
How do you figure your missus might re-act if you get caught outsourcing Brother M2G ? The introduction of a 3rd party into an already dysfunctional situation is invariably a game changer and tends to spin things off at some weird and uncontrollable tangents. And many of these tangents end up collapsing the primary relationship in spectacular fashion. Are you up for that consequence should you choose the (perfectly legitimate) cheating option ? |
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Post by M2G on Oct 8, 2017 5:16:02 GMT -5
How do you figure your missus might re-act if you get caught outsourcing Brother M2G ? The introduction of a 3rd party into an already dysfunctional situation is invariably a game changer and tends to spin things off at some weird and uncontrollable tangents. And many of these tangents end up collapsing the primary relationship in spectacular fashion. Are you up for that consequence should you choose the (perfectly legitimate) cheating option ? Yeah - got no illusions there. I slept on it. Not going to get caught because I will lay down the options I'm pursuing, if it comes to that. I owe her that much. |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 8, 2017 6:52:06 GMT -5
I will say this about outsourcing, and I have seen this before. It will slow down your exit. It changes your motivation and your focus.
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Post by M2G on Oct 8, 2017 11:14:26 GMT -5
I will say this about outsourcing, and I have seen this before. It will slow down your exit. It changes your motivation and your focus. Yeah probably you're right - I look in the mirror this morning though and know I'm talking talking shit/venting. What I'm really trying to do is create a permanent change in myself - no small task. Being on here has helped me keep my focus on that. |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 8, 2017 11:49:20 GMT -5
I will say this about outsourcing, and I have seen this before. It will slow down your exit. It changes your motivation and your focus. Yeah probably you're right - I look in the mirror this morning though and know I'm talking talking shit/venting. What I'm really trying to do is create a permanent change in myself - no small task. Being on here has helped me keep my focus on that. "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." I think everyone on this board is either going through something like you are, or has already gone through it. I know I am a different man in many ways than I was only a few short months ago. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 8, 2017 12:34:27 GMT -5
My take on this is that it's a diversion tactic by your wife. She won't tell you what 'wooing' means and if she did I'm betting she'd suddenly come up with something else for you to do before she'd be willing to have sex. Yes, this right here, a diversion tactic. She wants "wooing," but won't say what "wooing" means for her, and therefore, she can't be wooed or won. This is a mind game she's playing. My husband did it with me. After 5-years of a SM, he eventually told me why he wasn't having sex with me...he was "punishing" me. Yes, he was withholding sex to punish me. However, he wouldn't tell me WHY he was punishing me, and this went on for another 20-years. Of course, I couldn't make things right with him because I didn't know why I was being punished. I hadn't done anything wrong for him to actually punish me. Every time I asked over the years, " why are you still punishing me?" he'd just ignore me, and walk away. In 25-years, he never told me. I realized around year 15-17 that it was BS. He was playing mind games with me. He just wanted me dangling. There were other mind games too that got worse over the years, and I understood that I was with a narcissist who was gaslighting me, so I'm sorry to say that iceman is right. She's messing with your head, so you can never win, no matter what you do. |
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Post by M2G on Oct 8, 2017 12:44:43 GMT -5
My take on this is that it's a diversion tactic by your wife. She won't tell you what 'wooing' means and if she did I'm betting she'd suddenly come up with something else for you to do before she'd be willing to have sex. Yes, this right here, a diversion tactic. She wants "wooing," but won't say what "wooing" means for her, and therefore, she can't be wooed or won. This is a mind game she's playing. My husband did it with me. After 5-years of a SM, he eventually told me why he wasn't having sex with me...he was "punishing" me. Yes, he was withholding sex to punish me. However, he wouldn't tell me WHY he was punishing me, and this went on for another 20-years. Of course, I couldn't make things right with him because I didn't know why I was being punished. I hadn't done anything wrong for him to actually punish me. Every time I asked over the years, " why are you still punishing me?" he'd just ignore me, and walk away. In 25-years, he never told me. I realized around year 15-17 that it was BS. He was playing mind games with me. He just wanted me dangling. There were other mind games too that got worse over the years, and I understood that I was with a narcissist who was gaslighting me, so I'm sorry to say that iceman is right. She's messing with your head, so you can never win, no matter what you do. Nail on the head - end of day: if you try to find the right answer, or if you try to get the answer to "why" it will never happen, because there isn't one. There is just the abuse. TY for your input |
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Post by h on Oct 8, 2017 14:49:12 GMT -5
Yeah probably you're right - I look in the mirror this morning though and know I'm talking talking shit/venting. What I'm really trying to do is create a permanent change in myself - no small task. Being on here has helped me keep my focus on that. "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." I think everyone on this board is either going through something like you are, or has already gone through it. I know I am a different man in many ways than I was only a few short months ago. I know it's changed me. Finding this forum is the best thing to happen to me since my wedding reception. I had a great time at the reception. It wasn't till after that I figured out that I'd been had. |
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Post by tirefire on Oct 8, 2017 15:27:15 GMT -5
"I know it's changed me. Finding this forum is the best thing to happen to me since my wedding reception."
For me this forum and Married Man Sex Life Primer. The book didn't fix my SM but it got me to the gym, I dress better, I have a better attitude and feel like a million bucks.
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Post by M2G on Oct 8, 2017 22:14:11 GMT -5
"I know it's changed me. Finding this forum is the best thing to happen to me since my wedding reception." For me this forum and Married Man Sex Life Primer. The book didn't fix my SM but it got me to the gym, I dress better, I have a better attitude and feel like a million bucks. Yeah getting back into working out has been one of the good things about this whole mess. Also I think she may be getting nervous about it IE: who asks someone why they're working out? |
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