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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 27, 2018 20:12:45 GMT -5
Today I have received a frustrating e-mail from the case worker. They have sent a message to my ex to say that thay were thinking of forcing him to cooperate by means of a procedure via court. He apparently has replied with a threat. He has stated that my daughter won't go to school and won't graduate if youth care proceeds as they mentioned. And his threats were succesful! Youth care wrote to me that they think it is not in my daughters interest, because her dad is not susceptible for their authority. They don't think going to court will help my daughter. So basically they give up. Caseworker 'hopes' she can get my daughter to speak with her more often. So far she has managed to speak with her only one time. I am so frustrated, and angry and sad. If they give up, my ex can do as he wants and nobody else will interfere. My lawyer has informed the youth care last week that I was going to submit a request about my daughter staying with me instead of with her dad. Youth care has replied they think that has not much chance of succes. I know that, but if they would be firm, I think it should be possible to achieve at least a visiting arrangement. But if they simply give up, a judge probably will give up too. I can hardly believe how they give in to my ex's threats. My lawyer is on holiday this week. So I have to wait till next week before I can discuss things with her, but nothing seems to stand a chance. How can they be so stupid! If they don't have the strength to withstand my miserable piece of shit ex, how can my daughter be expected to do that? It is not possible. I don't have much hope anymore. That are a bunch of Penzeys! When he threatened for not to attend school, they should have replied with what the law requires and if she doesn't attend school what his punishment would be. They are letting him dictate the rules. WTF! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2018 15:49:53 GMT -5
Good lord.
Doesn’t anybody besides you care about your daughter’s education and general well-being?
This has turned into a group of adults scoring points off each other, using a teen girl.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 1, 2018 3:31:45 GMT -5
@smartkat , They say that they believe it is better for my daughter to leave her dad alone now. They hope they can continue to speak with her.
I have sent a reply. I have told them that I think they are making a mistake. I said that if they give in to my ex, that is a message to my daughter that nobody can withstand her dad. And if nobody can, neither can my daughter.
I have asked them to wait until I have spoken with my lawyer before they reply to my ex.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 7, 2018 9:50:34 GMT -5
Today I have received the message that my divorce is now complete! First the judge had confirmed divorce in October, then it had to be registered in Brussels and after that it had to be registered in the Netherlands. That has been finalized last week. So I was divorced for a week without knowing it lol. I can look forward to my Belgian lawyers final invoice now....  |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 7, 2018 10:27:00 GMT -5
Yesterday I have spoken to my (Dutch) lawyer. She is going to make a formal request for visiting arrangements and for my daughter getting to live with me permanently.
Youth care thinks that that has not much chance of succes. They basically have given up. So, since they don't lift a finger anymore, the only chance of some improvement is to go to court directly. I don't have much hope but it is the last chance I have of trying to improve my daughters' situation.
I need to write down my concerns about letting my daughter stay with her dad, and the benefits of her staying with me. My lawyer will use that in court. So, doing homework now.
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Post by ted on Mar 7, 2018 12:27:40 GMT -5
You made it, tamara68! What a journey. Here's to your future. |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 7, 2018 15:13:58 GMT -5
Good luck, @tamara68m. I do hope this is the turn-around you deserve and your daughter needs.
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 7, 2018 15:25:50 GMT -5
tamara68, even if it seems impossible, it's good that you persist. You might yet break through, and hopefully one day your daughter will appreciate how much you have tried and how her father has been an obstacle in her life.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 7, 2018 16:13:32 GMT -5
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 10, 2018 11:51:52 GMT -5
Things have changed a little since yesterday.
A few months ago, the judge has authorized youth care, to interfere with my daughter. This arrangement is called "OTS". So Youth care wanted to provide my daughter with support to help her with al kinds of things that would be good for her. Like therapy and such. Establishing contact with me was a part of the plan.
But, youth care managed to speak with my daughter only once. And not a single time with her dad. He only wrote a lot of angry letters. When youth care announced that they wanted to force contact through a legal procedure, Dear dad threatened with taking my daughter away from school. And then youth care gave in.
As I have written, I was going to send a request to court next week, about having my daughter staying with me and also a visiting arrangement starting immediately.
But. Yesterday I got a call from youthcare
They not only give up. They also are going to send a request to court to end the OTS arrangement.
That means that my request will absolutely certain, have not a single chance of success.
Suppose the judge would say that my daughter would have to live with me . Or at least have to meet me. Then my daughter and her dad simply won't obey. So in that case it would be up to Youth care to enforce that.
But as we know, they have given up. So they won't do anything.
So a judge won't see any advantage either of a verdict that is against the wishes of my ex.
So. What do I do?
I have decided to not ask for my daughter to move in with me. Because the only thing that will happen, is that my ex wil triumpf double.
I think I will go through with asking for a visiting arrangement. Even though it will lead to nothing. The only benefit is for my daughter to see that I ask that. (and for the finances of my lawyer).
That is going to cost me hundreds of euro's. Probably the last money I have.
I felt very sad and angry yesterday. Because I still had a tiny bit of hope that I would have my daughter with me occasionally. I could envision her with me. And in my mind, I have seen my spare room as Her room. until now.
The door was ajar for the past one and a half year and now it is closed.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 10, 2018 13:08:16 GMT -5
WOW!! And yet sadly you have to press on, to lean forward. At least you know that you went above and beyond, even when the odds where heavily against you.
Hopefully your daughter will benefit from that in the future. Even if it's years from now.
You can sleep knowing you did what was right, and continue to heal yourself.
Just be glad you are nothing like your ex. Be glad that you did not become more like him. Be glad that you set an example by breaking free.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 10, 2018 13:29:25 GMT -5
greatcoastal, yes I will try. I hope my daughter will benefit from it in the future. I think I will keep sending her e-mails. I am glad I am not like my ex. I hope my daughter will not going to be like him either.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 10, 2018 13:45:54 GMT -5
That is said to read.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 10, 2018 14:12:35 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Mar 10, 2018 19:44:51 GMT -5
tamara jnr must be creeping toward adult age Sister tamara68 , at which time her choices become totally her responsibility. You remain in the game, as ever you have, doing what you can do, addressing what you can control, providing an option for your daughter to consider. Your door remains open, indeed it has floodlights trained on it plus a neon sign blinking "welcome tamara jnr" on and off in lurid unmissable colours. From afar, tamara jnr's choice seems to be a no-brainer. Available loving mother, safe environment, escape from her nuts father, possibility of getting her life back on track etc. But the Judge can't make that choice for her. The Youth Care can't make that choice for her. Nor can I. Nor can you. What you can do (and are doing) is hold that door open. That appears to be the only part of this dynamic that you can control. If appropriate, you can pray. FWIW, I believe that sooner or later, people will act according to what is in their own best interests. That process - of identifying what actually IS in their own best interests - can take a while, particularly for young uns', and particularly if there is another person (ie her father) filling her head with bullshit by word and deed. But eventually it does seem to happen. Hang in. You're doing a great job. |
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