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Post by tamara68 on Feb 14, 2018 15:00:44 GMT -5
A few days ago it was my daughter's birthday, she is 17 now. It will not have been a happy birthday. I have sent some e-mails and I have sent a card with a present to the case worker who can give it as soon as she finally meets my daughter.
Things are getting worse at school. I can imagine how much tension there must be at home for my daughter.
She is kept at home very often, dad reports her sick. But it is very unlikely that she actually is sick. I can see her absence in the school system, it is ridiculously high. Last week I got very worried because now the absent days were not marked as 'ill' but as unknown. I got frightened and thought she had stayed away from school without notifying . So I contacted school. I was told that they no longer accept her absence as being genuinly ill. Therefore they had planned an appointment for my daughter with the school doctor, but she didn't show up there. My daughter was also kept away from a bustrip with some unlogical explanation. School doesn't accept it. My ex has written to school that my daugther is ill because of their emotional abuse.... *eye roll*
The youth care case worker has announced that she will start the procedure to force my daughter and her dad to speak with her. As soon as she announced that, my ex made an appointment with her. So the procedure was postponed for at least a week again. But .... he didn't show up. So the procedure will follow now. I hope the judge will be firm now and hopefully something will happen. Ex has managed to win a little time, but it is working against him because there is more added to the list of his misbehavior.
I am very worried about my daughter. I think she really needs to get out of there, Everything indicates that her dad is totally losing control.
Now is the time to act, I think there is a chance that they will take my daughter away from her dad. So I am hoping I will get her back and that things will improve.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 14, 2018 15:34:26 GMT -5
A few days ago it was my daughter's birthday, she is 17 now. It will not have been a happy birthday. I have sent some e-mails and I have sent a card with a present to the case worker who can give it as soon as she finally meets my daughter. Things are getting worse at school. I can imagine how much tension there must be at home for my daughter. She is kept at home very often, dad reports her sick. But it is very unlikely that she actually is sick. I can see her absence in the school system, it is ridiculously high. Last week I got very worried because now the absent days were not marked as 'ill' but as unknown. I got frightened and thought she had stayed away from school without notifying . So I contacted school. I was told that they no longer accept her absence as being genuinly ill. Therefore they had planned an appointment for my daughter with the school doctor, but she didn't show up there. My daughter was also kept away from a bustrip with some unlogical explanation. School doesn't accept it. My ex has written to school that my daugther is ill because of their emotional abuse.... *eye roll* The youth care case worker has announced that she will start the procedure to force my daughter and her dad to speak with her. As soon as she announced that, my ex made an appointment with her. So the procedure was postponed for at least a week again. But .... he didn't show up. So the procedure will follow now. I hope the judge will be firm now and hopefully something will happen. Ex has managed to win a little time, but it is working against him because there is more added to the list of his misbehavior. I am very worried about my daughter. I think she really needs to get out of there, Everything indicates that her dad is totally losing control. Now is the time to act, I think there is a chance that they will take my daughter away from her dad. So I am hoping I will get her back and that things will improve. I rarely comment on your thread because I am not good with legalities, etc., but wanted to stop in and say - wow, what a fight you have had with all of this (stating the obvious). I sincerely hope your daughter can come home to you soon. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 14, 2018 15:57:01 GMT -5
That gives me a little chill when I read it! A WOW! lets hope so, then followed with a....I'll believe it when I see it approach. (That's what I have had to do as the charges and reckless behaviors just keep mounting).
But it is good news to hear that pressure is finally being applied in your favor, and for the good of your daughter.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 14, 2018 16:05:49 GMT -5
Thanks WindSister and greatcoastal! Yes it has been a fight and a struggle, but it seems something going to happen.... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 14, 2018 16:25:47 GMT -5
Funny we brought up some of the same issue at the same time!
Mine is different though. here's a brief summary. my sons school has been sending me lots of daily absentee messages on my phone. A letter was mailed "to the parents of____" My W opened it and never spoke with me about it, but used it as a weapon against him when it came to money and his car. She shared her "logic" with her daddy. Of course he agrees with her. (more triangulation).
The truth had already been told to me by my son. He did not miss 15 days. He missed 4 days. The school made an error and corrected it. (I took a personal trip to the school to make sure things where straightened out) For anyone else reading this.
Did you know that they could suspend his driving licence through the DMV? I never knew such a law existed?
So...while my son is freaking out about not having transportation to H.S. College, work, and varsity sports, ( with a car he bought himself at 16 "very proud of him") His mother is glad. less for her to have to pay for! She's happy and sleeps like a baby. While buying a car, repairing it, and paying insurance for our older son, ( all in her name--of course) Sick , twisted people. And we married them!!
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Post by baza on Feb 14, 2018 19:05:33 GMT -5
You've done everything you can Sister tamara68 . You got out of your ILIASM shithole - for your own best interest - and to provide (a) - a safe place for your daughter (which she chose not to take up) (b) - an example for your daughter in regard to ending dud relationships (which she hasn't quite grasped) Still you provide a safe haven for her, still you have your door open, still you provide a viable alternative for her. Still you act as the caring loving supportive parent. Your daughter is lucky to have you. And we (the ILIASM group) are lucky to have you - and your insightful commentary on your rough old journey out of the shit. You are due a break, and mebbe that break is about to happen. Geez I hope so. |
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Post by obobfla on Feb 14, 2018 20:13:31 GMT -5
I think the volcano is erupting, tamara68. No father, no matter how OCD, can keep a teenage girl and her hormones under control. Hopefully, she can get free of her father soon. But now your real work begins. She’s had her mind poisoned by her father, so it’s going to take awhile to regain her trust. Take your time. Maybe take a few trips together. I’d be tempted to take a road trip to Paris and Disneyland. If you are feeling really brave, you might head to the States and Disney World. I know some tour guides. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 15, 2018 7:52:00 GMT -5
A few days ago it was my daughter's birthday, she is 17 now. It will not have been a happy birthday. I have sent some e-mails and I have sent a card with a present to the case worker who can give it as soon as she finally meets my daughter. Things are getting worse at school. I can imagine how much tension there must be at home for my daughter. She is kept at home very often, dad reports her sick. But it is very unlikely that she actually is sick. I can see her absence in the school system, it is ridiculously high. Last week I got very worried because now the absent days were not marked as 'ill' but as unknown. I got frightened and thought she had stayed away from school without notifying . So I contacted school. I was told that they no longer accept her absence as being genuinly ill. Therefore they had planned an appointment for my daughter with the school doctor, but she didn't show up there. My daughter was also kept away from a bustrip with some unlogical explanation. School doesn't accept it. My ex has written to school that my daugther is ill because of their emotional abuse.... *eye roll* The youth care case worker has announced that she will start the procedure to force my daughter and her dad to speak with her. As soon as she announced that, my ex made an appointment with her. So the procedure was postponed for at least a week again. But .... he didn't show up. So the procedure will follow now. I hope the judge will be firm now and hopefully something will happen. Ex has managed to win a little time, but it is working against him because there is more added to the list of his misbehavior. I am very worried about my daughter. I think she really needs to get out of there, Everything indicates that her dad is totally losing control. Now is the time to act, I think there is a chance that they will take my daughter away from her dad. So I am hoping I will get her back and that things will improve. So you may have a judge, who will start a procedure, so a case worker can speak with your ex and your daughter? Is that it? Sadly that is not much to go on is it? No firm dates? No set guidelines, just meetings, that can still get postponed, or delayed. |
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 15, 2018 10:40:49 GMT -5
You've done everything you can Sister tamara68 . You got out of your ILIASM shithole - for your own best interest - and to provide (a) - a safe place for your daughter (which she chose not to take up) (b) - an example for your daughter in regard to ending dud relationships (which she hasn't quite grasped) Still you provide a safe haven for her, still you have your door open, still you provide a viable alternative for her. Still you act as the caring loving supportive parent. Your daughter is lucky to have you. And we (the ILIASM group) are lucky to have you - and your insightful commentary on your rough old journey out of the shit. You are due a break, and mebbe that break is about to happen. Geez I hope so. Thanks Baza, I hope something is about to happen but it is not sure yet. |
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 15, 2018 10:42:58 GMT -5
I think the volcano is erupting, tamara68 . No father, no matter how OCD, can keep a teenage girl and her hormones under control. Hopefully, she can get free of her father soon. But now your real work begins. She’s had her mind poisoned by her father, so it’s going to take awhile to regain her trust. Take your time. Maybe take a few trips together. I’d be tempted to take a road trip to Paris and Disneyland. If you are feeling really brave, you might head to the States and Disney World. I know some tour guides. If something is going to happen and IF that means my daughter will come to me, you are definitely right about building a new relation with my daughter. Something I will be happy to work on. But for now it is still fingers crossed that I will get that chance. |
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 15, 2018 10:46:03 GMT -5
So you may have a judge, who will start a procedure, so a case worker can speak with your ex and your daughter? Is that it? Sadly that is not much to go on is it? No firm dates? No set guidelines, just meetings, that can still get postponed, or delayed. Yes that's it. At the moment at least. I don't know what exactly will be the demand of the caseworker, probably a bit more than just speaking with her. But it is a start. Far too slow for my liking, but better this than nothing. Theoretically for every single demand from the caseworker a procedure like this could be started. And I think that it is exactly that what my ex is trying to do. because that will buy him a lot of time. He only needs to use up one year before he can dismiss all of them. So, I hope that the judge and everyone else will see this and will prevent that by taking my daughter away from her dad. |
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Post by obobfla on Feb 15, 2018 12:13:12 GMT -5
What I don’t get is the slow pace of all the proceedings. How is a mentally disturbed man with no attorney able to grind this process to a halt? I imagine the pace would be much faster if there were evidence of physical abuse involved, but what about emotional abuse? I believe a case can be made for that, and that the proceedings can be sped up.
Here is my greatest fear: Your daughter has been raised most of her life where the man in the family is a controlling, maniacal piece of shit. She is now 17 and close to marrying age. Even if she rebels against her dad, what type of man is she going to seek out as a mate? Unless her value system is adjusted, that man will be someone just like dear old dad.
Here is hoping that she falls for an easygoing, beer-drinking slob instead of Daddy Dearest.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 15, 2018 12:27:18 GMT -5
What I don’t get is the slow pace of all the proceedings. How is a mentally disturbed man with no attorney able to grind this process to a halt? I imagine the pace would be much faster if there were evidence of physical abuse involved, but what about emotional abuse? I believe a case can be made for that, and that the proceedings can be sped up. Here is my greatest fear: Your daughter has been raised most of her life where the man in the family is a controlling, maniacal piece of shit. She is now 17 and close to marrying age. Even if she rebels against her dad, what type of man is she going to seek out as a mate? Unless her value system is adjusted, that man will be someone just like dear old dad. Here is hoping that she falls for an easygoing, beer-drinking slob instead of Daddy Dearest. I don't get the slow pace either. It is very frustrating. I am also afraid about her future relations. I want her out of there. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2018 14:02:37 GMT -5
Oh, no. I wish I could say something useful. You must be so anxious about your daughter.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 27, 2018 17:59:15 GMT -5
Today I have received a frustrating e-mail from the case worker.
They have sent a message to my ex to say that thay were thinking of forcing him to cooperate by means of a procedure via court.
He apparently has replied with a threat. He has stated that my daughter won't go to school and won't graduate if youth care proceeds as they mentioned.
And his threats were succesful!
Youth care wrote to me that they think it is not in my daughters interest, because her dad is not susceptible for their authority. They don't think going to court will help my daughter.
So basically they give up.
Caseworker 'hopes' she can get my daughter to speak with her more often. So far she has managed to speak with her only one time.
I am so frustrated, and angry and sad.
If they give up, my ex can do as he wants and nobody else will interfere.
My lawyer has informed the youth care last week that I was going to submit a request about my daughter staying with me instead of with her dad.
Youth care has replied they think that has not much chance of succes. I know that, but if they would be firm, I think it should be possible to achieve at least a visiting arrangement.
But if they simply give up, a judge probably will give up too. I can hardly believe how they give in to my ex's threats.
My lawyer is on holiday this week. So I have to wait till next week before I can discuss things with her, but nothing seems to stand a chance.
How can they be so stupid! If they don't have the strength to withstand my miserable piece of shit ex, how can my daughter be expected to do that? It is not possible.
I don't have much hope anymore.
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