|
|
Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 12:36:41 GMT -5
tamara68, I don't suppose it's within your ability to buy the books she needs, in cooperation with the school counselor, so your daughter can at least can get her education underway? It's crazy (though apparently completely in character) for him to be refusing this. You are also a legal guardian? Can’t you sign the papers for books? |
|
|
|
Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 12:50:38 GMT -5
tamara68, it's a sad reflection on society that placement with her other parent isn't the default... there is a growing trend toward parents being viewed as merely custodians of their children, while the state has priority. I think the trouble is that he’s in a different country. I think in the US if there is an ongoing custody battle or divorce you can’t legally move to another country with a minor child. But the trouble becomes extradition and enforcement. tamara68 does your daughter have Dutch citizenship, Belgian or both? Since you’re lived, married and are divorcing in Belgium doesn’t Belgium courts have jurisdiction? I have a friend who is a family judge in Holland - I can ask her if there is any way to increase the likelihood that she goes to you instead of a foster family. If it may help you can PM me privately what part of the Netherlands your daughter now lives in. Maybe we can find a way to get letters or messages from you to her? |
|
|
|
Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 12:51:03 GMT -5
True, baza. And that would at least afford the prospect of tamara68 being allowed to visit her daughter, where she can't now. YES! |
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on May 30, 2018 13:01:06 GMT -5
elynne, the books have been settled eventually. School didn't want me to sign for anything because they expected my ex to make additional problems if I would make any arrangement that are supposed to be done by the parent where the child lives. I am still a legal guardian, but it doesn't make any difference. I can't make use of it. My daughter is Dutch. Belgium doesn't have any jurisdiction anymore when the child has left the country more than 6 months ago. In both countries they all have been too slow. So now my daughter is 17 and everyone says that at that age it is no longer a workable solution to take her away from her dad while she has clearly stated that she wants to live with him. They don't want to force her. And by now, I think that probably makes sense. 2 years ago I think it would have worked to take her away from dad. I have a family lawyer who is well aware of these kind of situations and who also knows about cases that cross the Dutch/Belgian border. Both Youth Care and childprotection and also the judge think it is not going to make it better to put my daughter in a foster family. My daughter and her dad have also stated that she would run away if she would be taken away from dad. There is nothing more that can be done. It is not even clear what would be best in the first place.
|
|
|
|
Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 16:40:19 GMT -5
elynne, the books have been settled eventually. School didn't want me to sign for anything because they expected my ex to make additional problems if I would make any arrangement that are supposed to be done by the parent where the child lives. I am still a legal guardian, but it doesn't make any difference. I can't make use of it. My daughter is Dutch. Belgium doesn't have any jurisdiction anymore when the child has left the country more than 6 months ago. In both countries they all have been too slow. So now my daughter is 17 and everyone says that at that age it is no longer a workable solution to take her away from her dad while she has clearly stated that she wants to live with him. They don't want to force her. And by now, I think that probably makes sense. 2 years ago I think it would have worked to take her away from dad. I have a family lawyer who is well aware of these kind of situations and who also knows about cases that cross the Dutch/Belgian border. Both Youth Care and childprotection and also the judge think it is not going to make it better to put my daughter in a foster family. My daughter and her dad have also stated that she would run away if she would be taken away from dad. There is nothing more that can be done. It is not even clear what would be best in the first place. Hang in there! Remind yourself daily that escaping and taking care of yourself and building yourself up is the BEST thing you can do given the situation as it is. If and when she comes to you for a safe haven, you’ll have the resources to be able to guide her. But as parents, the best we can do is love them and guide them. Once they’re grown they are responsible for their lives. This latest is a testament to your incredible strength and determination to get out of a toxic relationship and proof that it was the right move. Not everything that is right is easy. |
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on May 31, 2018 9:37:53 GMT -5
Thanks elynne, I will hang in there. |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on May 31, 2018 11:36:32 GMT -5
I’m sad to this current status, tamara68. It sucks that his tactics have, thus far, worked to keep you from your daughter & her from you. Do stay a positive person who takes care of your mental & emotional health. I believe that someday your daughter will “come to” about the kind of person her father really is. And I hope that she will reach out to you. Stay resilient & loving, sister. Hugs, GG |
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on May 31, 2018 11:42:32 GMT -5
|
|
