I'm struggling a little

Im in tears...no words. 😂😂😂😂😂

I thought I was crude and rude.


The last crude message I got a man wrote "I want you to sit on my face". That's all he said, no hello - you are beautiful - and I just couldn't help myself so I responded- I said,"oh yeah? Are you going to eat your way to my heart?" 

"We do? Well, whatever those characteristics are, they are not attracting the opposite sex to me. I don't even receive messages anymore on OKC."

I doubt that those 2 men who started conversations with you were just killing idle time. Something about you appealed to them. People don't start conversations with strangers who seem hideous looking, bad tempered, etc. it may be that you didn't find those men interesting or appealing, which is your right to be discerning. But they liked something about you.

It might be helpful to others to mention where you were when the men approached you. The gym? library? Grocery store? You haven't indicated he scared you, so that kind of location might be a good place for others here to frequent if they are looking to meet people of the opposite gender.

Thank you for your thoughtful response.
You really asked good questions to make me think.
No this is not based on fear or any other thing. I just found that I wanted to only spend time with him.
No I never saw him with another woman and he did not date anyone.
You are a wise woman too. Hugs xoxo

I've been visiting that location for a little more than two-years, and those are the only two men I've interacted with in all that time, so it's not a place one normally meets others to chat with, except when I ask someone about their dog, (usually older women), and most don't take their dogs. I go to the lake several times a week. It's beautiful. Sometimes, I take my morning coffee, sometimes my lunch, or just go and sit listening to the waves hitting the shore, and watch the wildlife, which fascinates me. Each of those men were there to enjoy the beauty of the place, and just happened to see me, and engage me in conversation. That was pure chance. It's not a place you'd go to find a date, but to enjoy nature.

I'd still like to know what characteristics flashjohn was talking about.

That's true, but it's not a singles hang out. It's mainly couples, families, and groups of people. I see people of all ages, and some people are alone, jogging, bicycling, sailing, etc, but as I said the prospects of meeting a man in my age range, who is not only single, but is also compatible is a very long shot indeed. I wouldn't place a bet on it. Two men in more than two years, and they were recent. I don't even know if one was married or not. One did say he was divorced, but like I said, it's just chance that I met them, and neither one asked me out. I have as much chance of finding a date in my own backyard as I do at the lake. I can't even get a date on a dating site, so I am curious to know what flashjohn means by characteristics that attract the opposite sex.

"Each of those men were there to enjoy the beauty of the place, and just happened to see me, and engage me in conversation. That was pure chance. It's not a place you'd go to find a date, but to enjoy nature"

You are right. It doesn't sound like a pickup place. It does sound like a place where one might meet a nature lover and engage in nice conversation. Such conversation could be a nice part of one day or depending on the people involved could lead to a friendship or relationship that was romantic.

I think the best way to meet friends and potential dates is by doing things one enjoys just for the pure pleasure of doing those things. That's how I met most of my friends and it's how I met my post sm partner. I was just enjoying being me.

When I was young, I got involved in things to meet guys or to hang with a crowd. Now I do what I like whether or not my friends and guy are into those things. I'm happier and have a more interesting life.

I like to walk around a little lake in my town. I enjoy doing that by myself. It's my time for sweet solitude. Sometimes I run into friends and have brief conversations but I like doing those walks alone and am not seeking extended conversations. When I was single I wouldn't have been interested in talking to a strange man there even if he seemed nice.

Here is a thread where I discuss them.  iliasm.org/thread/98/post

And I do want to give you some advice.  If you are unhappy with your appearance, your confidence or whatever you feel is lacking, please do something about it.  I really do understand how you can feel this way.  But I also know that negativity comes across to another person.   Please get a makeover, start working out, take a speaking class.  Do something to make you feel better about yourself.  If you are overweight, get on an exercise/diet program & make some changes.  In the past 4 months, I have lost 40 pounds on a weight loss drug called Contrave.  I wish I had tried something like this a long time ago.