Opening up to others

I told friends first. Starting with my best friend. He was very understanding, and just wanted me to be OK. That was several years ago now, long before I threw out words like "divorce" and such. It mainly took the form of "bitching about the wife" guys are prone to do (I imagine the ladies do the same when together).

Over the course of years, I brought a few other friends into my confidence. This was a slow process because, frankly, I was ashamed. I mean, there had to be something wrong with ME, right?

It was only when I realized it was NOT my fault that I became less ashamed to discuss it. When I announced my divorce, I explained the reasons to my immediate family (parents and sister). For the rest of my friends and family, I just told them that we grew apart. My wife simply told her family that I was leaving her. The only one who knows the real reason why is her mom, and even she doesn't know everything. But what she wants to tell her family is her business and really doesn't impact me other than them perhaps incorrectly thinking I'm a douche.

At this point, though, I would have absolutely no problem discussing this with with anyone. Once I let go of the shame (and thinking I was to blame), why not? As a practical matter, it doesn't make a difference anymore. I tell people we drifted apart, are getting a divorce and it's amicable. Most people say they're sorry. I say something along the lines of "it is what it is" and the conversation changes back to whatever we were going to talk about before. Happened last night as a matter of fact with some friends who didn't know. They noticed our house had been for sale and asked where "we" were moving to. Seemed to be a good time. But they didn't need to know my wife has enforced celibacy on my for 3 years. it's not really relevant to the conversation.

So with friends and family? I'd tell those you would like in your support network. Everyone else? The facade will hold. After enough time, that mask sticks on pretty tight, doesn't it?

I only directly told 2 people about my circumstances - probably 5 years before I left.

In latter years, I told a few more people opportunistically (like you with your cousin Brother h ) if it was in context with the conversation.

Back in the midst of my deal, I told no-one.
Too embarrassed.
Too mindful of the possibility of being thought "a weak prick for putting up with it".
At that time, "what people thought of me" was important to me, unhealthily so.

I was so ashamed of my SM that I didn't even tell my trusted therapist until the marriage blew up. Once I shared with him and he was supportive and empathetic it opened the door to sharing with my sisters.

I've opened up to no one irl. I don't have anyone I trust enough.

I reciently told my previous supervisor, he was the first person to try and warn me about being depressed years ago.

My doctor knows and so does my parents.

Years ago I tired telling a friend and he couldn't comprehends it at all. The first thing out of good mouth was, So you're not having that much sex, so what your getting BJs right?

Well if he's embarrassed about it, I wonder what he could do about it...

I've only spoken of it with a couple people. The 1st was the 1st woman I dated following my X and I separating. This woman opened up to me about her sexless marriage and how it had effected her. After she had unburdened herself I opened up about experiencing the same. It made for instant bonding and our dating got off to a fast start.