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Post by beachguy on Jul 8, 2017 9:28:00 GMT -5
I have told about nine friends and four family members... Probably more honestly. I know I am embarrassed by it but I think it brings out that I am human, and my life seems great but we all have flaws. I am not too shy about it. My H is not happy that I have told anyone. I don't think he knows that I have told so many people, and I'm sure it is damaging to their opinion if him, but I need to talk about it or I will self implode. H is not happy because he knows he's wrong. But rather than fix it he would rather bury it. Let him be unhappy and uncomfortable with the growing knowledge of his failing as a man. |
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Post by orangepeel on Jul 8, 2017 12:05:03 GMT -5
All my close friends know. One's in broadly the same boat. He's the only real-life person I've got to discuss it with. Without him and this forum, I'd be deeper in the shits than I am.
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Post by thefullmoon on Jul 8, 2017 18:51:58 GMT -5
I told a few people and will never do that again!! Why not? |
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Moetse Tau
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jul 8, 2017 20:17:11 GMT -5
When I first started to post, I thought that I hadn't told that many people. Then as I thought about it, I guess it is quite a few.
First one I told was my best friend. This was several years ago. He stands by me still, but questions every time we talk why I am still putting myself through this hell.
I have had many talks with my bro-in-law. He, and a couple of his friends, are somewhat in the same boat.
We all feel just stuck by situation.
I work with almost all women. I become close to some and consider them friends. I have told them. I tell them to get their perspective. Theirs is different, they fuck their men...for what ever reason they want.
Then they look at me,(42, fit, not ugly, and a nice guy) and cant understand why I am not getting any.
Oh, and an ex girlfriend that I have reconnected with.
Generally, people are supportive, but question why I am still in the situation. As one put it, she keeps praying for the day that I truly realize that I deserve better.
I am getting there. And so is my situation. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 6:25:46 GMT -5
I told a few people and will never do that again!! I'm sorry it didn't work out well. If you ever care to share what happened, I'd care to here. You are among friends now. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 9:54:15 GMT -5
I told a few people and will never do that again!! Why not? wanna guess what happens when a guy tells another guy that his wife had an affair with a woman? Save |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 10:08:09 GMT -5
I suspect that it's different for men than it is for women.
Most of the world's civilizations seem to have this cultural idea that men want sex all the time, and women are always trying to avoid it.
So a woman in a SM feels like a real oddball. She probably listens to her friends complain about how their sex-mad husbands won't leave them alone, and feels angry, jealous, ripped-off....and ashamed.
Because if all men want sex all the time....and even women who are not conventionally attractive complain that their husbands want sex all the time....the implication is, "There must be something terrible wrong with me - even my own husband doesn't want me."
Then it can be a real uphill struggle to see yourself as a sexually attractive woman again.
Because of this cultural conditioning, I was cautious about who I told; just 2 of my very good female friends.
Neither one of them understood. To be fair to them, before it happened to me, I wouldn't have understood. Until it happened to me, I thought there was no such thing as a man under 80 years old who had no interest in sex.
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Post by bran127 on Jul 11, 2017 10:45:58 GMT -5
I have told my two closest friends and they don't understand it, but they are supportive and want me to be happy. I made a big mistake telling my brother. He fucking blurted out in front of a few family members that my relationship was really sad he said that he could probably easily have sex with Ronnie. It devastated me because I confided in him, and I NEVER thought he would do something like that...EVER. So, telling family was not a positive experience, but my brother is clearly a fucking asshole.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 11, 2017 10:57:25 GMT -5
I told a few people and will never do that again!! Be VERY careful about who you tell. Even those with good intentions can totally boomarang. In my case, I told my dad some stuff and he let it slip to my mom. My mom is a wonderful woman, but does not have any concept of when and where it is appropriate to discuss inappropriate subjects. In my case, she was openly discussing the divorce before it was publicly announced on a cruise (with 35 of my wife's family members milling about) and also at my son's baseball game. On the cruise, I had to say to her: "Mom. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Right. Now." I didn't want to speak to her that way, but OMG.... The point is that even if you tell someone you trust, they can always slip up. For a more striking example, look up the posting lyn did about how her own mom wanted to "help" in her situation and told her husband she wanted a divorce. Fortunately, her husband was in such denial he kind of ignored it, but Jesus Fucking Christ, sometimes the people who love us the most can do some serious damage in areas they simply don't understand. |
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 11, 2017 11:00:44 GMT -5
I suspect that it's different for men than it is for women. Most of the world's civilizations seem to have this cultural idea that men want sex all the time, and women are always trying to avoid it. So a woman in a SM feels like a real oddball. She probably listens to her friends complain about how their sex-mad husbands won't leave them alone, and feels angry, jealous, ripped-off....and ashamed. Because if all men want sex all the time....and even women who are not conventionally attractive complain that their husbands want sex all the time....the implication is, "There must be something terrible wrong with me - even my own husband doesn't want me." Then it can be a real uphill struggle to see yourself as a sexually attractive woman again. Because of this cultural conditioning, I was cautious about who I told; just 2 of my very good female friends. Neither one of them understood. To be fair to them, before it happened to me, I wouldn't have understood. Until it happened to me, I thought there was no such thing as a man under 80 years old who had no interest in sex. This. Aaaaaall of this. Since joining ILIASM I feel better about talking about it. Besides my therapist, I opened up to my best friend and a sister. My sister seems to get it and has been supportive but my friend has never been married. She listens but doesn't quite understand (not surprising) and when I told her I have a "friend" who I talk with sexually to relieve some tension she was very judgmental. That was a bummer. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jul 11, 2017 12:16:13 GMT -5
wanna guess what happens when a guy tells another guy that his wife had an affair with a woman? SaveAnother guy tells you married a wrong sexual orientation person and now free to leave and find a proper one? |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 11, 2017 13:29:15 GMT -5
I suspect that it's different for men than it is for women. Most of the world's civilizations seem to have this cultural idea that men want sex all the time, and women are always trying to avoid it. So a woman in a SM feels like a real oddball. She probably listens to her friends complain about how their sex-mad husbands won't leave them alone, and feels angry, jealous, ripped-off....and ashamed. Because if all men want sex all the time....and even women who are not conventionally attractive complain that their husbands want sex all the time....the implication is, "There must be something terrible wrong with me - even my own husband doesn't want me." Then it can be a real uphill struggle to see yourself as a sexually attractive woman again. Because of this cultural conditioning, I was cautious about who I told; just 2 of my very good female friends. Neither one of them understood. To be fair to them, before it happened to me, I wouldn't have understood. Until it happened to me, I thought there was no such thing as a man under 80 years old who had no interest in sex. This. Aaaaaall of this. Since joining ILIASM I feel better about talking about it. Besides my therapist, I opened up to my best friend and a sister. My sister seems to get it and has been supportive but my friend has never been married. She listens but doesn't quite understand (not surprising) and when I told her I have a "friend" who I talk with sexually to relieve some tension she was very judgmental. That was a bummer. Those "friends" can be a lifesaver. Amazing for the psyche. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 14:45:14 GMT -5
wanna guess what happens when a guy tells another guy that his wife had an affair with a woman? SaveAnother guy tells you married a wrong sexual orientation person and now free to leave and find a proper one? exactly my point about why I dont tell people.. Save |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 14:47:16 GMT -5
I told a few people and will never do that again!! Be VERY careful about who you tell. Even those with good intentions can totally boomarang. In my case, I told my dad some stuff and he let it slip to my mom. My mom is a wonderful woman, but does not have any concept of when and where it is appropriate to discuss inappropriate subjects. In my case, she was openly discussing the divorce before it was publicly announced on a cruise (with 35 of my wife's family members milling about) and also at my son's baseball game. On the cruise, I had to say to her: "Mom. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Right. Now." I didn't want to speak to her that way, but OMG.... The point is that even if you tell someone you trust, they can always slip up. For a more striking example, look up the posting lyn did about how her own mom wanted to "help" in her situation and told her husband she wanted a divorce. Fortunately, her husband was in such denial he kind of ignored it, but Jesus Fucking Christ, sometimes the people who love us the most can do some serious damage in areas they simply don't understand. I only tell anonymous people now. Like here is mostly ok. but even then I dont feel that people understand. Save |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 15:27:38 GMT -5
when I told her I have a "friend" who I talk with sexually to relieve some tension she was very judgmental. That was a bummer. This kind of thing really burns me up. People who are judgmental have no idea how horrible it is to have the person who promised to cherish you turn into a source of rejection. If your H was not speaking to you, it is fine to speak with someone else. If he was not paying the rent, it is fine to get help from someone else. Sexual needs are just as important as all other needs. Luckily, my sister was very supportive. She even told me 4 years ago that I had every right to have sex with someone else. |
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