Opening up to others

Telling people is what helped me get out of my SM. While the first 2 people didn't "get" it (One was a lesbian who is by choice in a sexless relationship with her partner; another was a woman friend who's just not into sex), others did. The people I told all were close friends who were women (I didn't tell straight male friends because I wasn't trying to invite a sexual invitation). They reassured me that I am an attractive woman: It was my husband who was the problem, not me. They also reassured me that desiring sex as part of marriage is normal and healthy. And they told me that my husband was being emotionally abusive by denying me.Learning that one of those friends, a widow then in her mid 60s, was having and enjoying an affair provided more evidence that I was a normal woman to want to have sex in my life.

I just found out that another relative of mine is in a SM. He's older than me and his children are grown. The topic of kids came up and I shared my situation with him. He told me that he's been sexless for years now because of his wife's health issues that have permanently killed her desire. They had a great life together before and have a wonderful family from it, so he stayed and made the decision to accept it. I think if I were in that position, I would be able to do the same. At least he had the opportunity to know what passion felt like and then also raise a family. I never had that at all. My SM issues started as soon as we left the wedding reception. We never got the chance to build that intimate bond together and so I feel very little attachment to my W.

Talking about it with the family so far has been a huge relief. I don't have to hide anymore. I don't have to feel ashamed of myself. It's a great burden lifted off me to be able to be honest with others. Hopefully the opportunity will present itself to tell my parents soon. I won't be telling my sister until after that. She can't keep her mouth shut and would smear it all over Facebook. Very immature for her age and has to be the center of attention with juicy gossip... Honesty feels good though. Letting the facade fall away feels amazing. After enough of my family knows the truth, it won't matter if the W finds out. She won't like the idea of me telling people the truth but when she does find out, it will be too late. She won't be able to make them un-know what they know. The truth will be out.

A few years after I realized this wasn't just a dry spell, I told my best friend. She chalked it up to being a dry spell and offered little advice. Ok. Thanks. Go back to your own little bubble.

Unfortunately, my mom died four months before I got married. I'd give anything for her input.

I told my narcissistic cunt of an aunt, who told me to just leave him and move back home. Yeah. Not that easy, bitch. Go back to your golden bubble of privilege.

I was very hesitant to tell my sisters-in-law (my husband's sister and his brother's wives.) I'm rather close with all three of them, but two of the three are very religious. I thought for sure they would push their Christian agenda: ‘Satan loves a sexless marriage as much as he loves marriageless sex.’ But they didn't. They were kind and comforting and supportive, everything sisters should be. I'm very glad I told them.

Thank you. Anyone who tells me I'm being harsh will get the question : but do you know her?

The comments about, from those that don't understand a SM are the worst.
Have your tried xyz, or so you not having that much sex, your still getting BJs and muffin munching right?
🙄

I haven't gotten any advice, only sympathy so far. Admittedly, I haven't told many people yet though.

Your therapist sounds like a moron.  Sex is the most basic part of marriage & if it is denied, the relationship is NOT a marriage.

It made a HUGE difference when I started telling people.  The minister at my church was very supportive and helpful.