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Post by Caris on Jun 20, 2017 20:56:24 GMT -5
We are all different, but a single man who wasn't willing to wait six dates before having sex with me, would not be for me. Well that's the thing. At my age, in the post 40, post divorce, part time custody dating market in a metropolitan city, I might meet up and date 3-5 women before I find one in which we both light up enough to make it to a meet in the first place (most people chat a fair amount online before meeting, and also determine a lot of shared interests from the get go), and THEN find out we both like each other. At LEAST 6 dates with two part time parents, coordinating child schedules, and in between dates with the other people they are dating casually, means it would take about 3 months. Now, string maybe 4 of those in a row that don't work out until the 5th time lucky, and a whole year has gone by with a lot of coffee, drinks and hanging out - mostly at my expense - and an entire year celibate. If I'm meeting several people, and a few are online trying to get my attention, I'm more likely to go with the one who demonstrates a clear interest, who I like and am attracted to, and who isn't shy about expressing her own needs. If her need is not to have sex with me even though she says she really wants to - I can get married again to do that dance.  Well that's the thing, everyone is in their own situation, so what's acceptable to one is unacceptable to another. It depends on circumstances. I wish you well in finding your desired match. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jun 21, 2017 14:07:14 GMT -5
Well that's the thing, everyone is in their own situation, so what's acceptable to one is unacceptable to another. It depends on circumstances. I wish you well in finding your desired match. , to be clear, I'm not suggesting that you feel differently or do something different. It seemed that you were perplexed in your initial post as to why there was a lack of attention on your profile. Without much data to go by, some possible answers were offered as to why that might be. What you do or don't do with that is up to you. I wish you success and love in your endeavor. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 21, 2017 14:10:55 GMT -5
Well that's the thing, everyone is in their own situation, so what's acceptable to one is unacceptable to another. It depends on circumstances. I wish you well in finding your desired match. , to be clear, I'm not suggesting that you feel differently or do something different. It seemed that you were perplexed in your initial post as to why there was a lack of attention on your profile. Without much data to go by, some possible answers were offered as to why that might be. What you do or don't do with that is up to you. I wish you success and love in your endeavor. I know, and I was just saying that everyone is different which is a fact. I appreciate everyone's input and came to a decision to delete my account, which I've done. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 21, 2017 18:51:46 GMT -5
Caris, as a practical matter, have you considered that you've relocated yourself to an impossible geography? I mean, if you're in a sparsely-populated area, that's a huge strike. Then if you're in, say, a high unemployment geography, but their financial stability / ability to retire are important to you, that's another strike. And so forth. I.e., it might be a magnificent place to live if you moved there with a partner, or it might be a fantastic locale for your kids to raise their children, but at the same time it could be a lousy place for you to find someone new. Witness the fact that you spent only a few days in another geography and potential appeared. So, it's clearly not you; your locale is dead. You don't need to move to Philippines or India, but rural Midwest (or wherever) is clearly void of opportunity. Meanwhile, other areas do hold prospects for you - go there.
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Post by baza on Jun 22, 2017 1:58:14 GMT -5
Just as a sidebar observation.
There seems to be a common lament that post marriage, and being older and single, it is pretty hard to get a root, and even harder to find a decent potential partner. (I don't necessarily disagree with this lament either)
Now perhaps this is just me, but back when I was single and young, I didn't find it real easy to get a root or find a decent potential partner then either.
Is my experience unique ?
I'm far from convinced that the "ease" or "difficulty" in getting a root or sourcing a half decent partner is an age issue.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 22, 2017 5:49:34 GMT -5
"Now perhaps this is just me, but back when I was single and young, I didn't find it real easy to get a root or find a decent potential partner then either."
It's not just you. It took a year and a half of college for me to have a boyfriend, and that was my first boyfriend as well as first sex. I had only had a few isolated dates with anyone before then, perhaps a total of 6 dates in 19 years.
When I was 23 and moved to a new city, I didn't get a date the whole year that I was there. It was one reason I decided to move to a new job and new state.
Looking back, I realize that at least half of the time in which I was coupled, I was settling, clinging to someone whom I didn't really care about because back then I'd rather be with Mr. Notsogreat than to be single. I'm not like that now.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 22, 2017 7:35:16 GMT -5
Just as a sidebar observation. There seems to be a common lament that post marriage, and being older and single, it is pretty hard to get a root, and even harder to find a decent potential partner. (I don't necessarily disagree with this lament either) Now perhaps this is just me, but back when I was single and young, I didn't find it real easy to get a root or find a decent potential partner then either. Is my experience unique ? I'm far from convinced that the "ease" or "difficulty" in getting a root or sourcing a half decent partner is an age issue. To get a root? A lot easier single than married to my refuser. I actually had a great year sexually my first year out. I've gone on a lot of dates and met some nice men but not enough chemistry for anything to stick. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 22, 2017 8:49:50 GMT -5
Just as a sidebar observation. There seems to be a common lament that post marriage, and being older and single, it is pretty hard to get a root, and even harder to find a decent potential partner. (I don't necessarily disagree with this lament either) Now perhaps this is just me, but back when I was single and young, I didn't find it real easy to get a root or find a decent potential partner then either. Is my experience unique ? I'm far from convinced that the "ease" or "difficulty" in getting a root or sourcing a half decent partner is an age issue. I don't think it is a matter of age either. However, I find the causation to be extremely complicated and I wish that I could understand even a fraction of the myriad circumstances and conditions that make this difficult. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 22, 2017 10:40:25 GMT -5
Caris, as a practical matter, have you considered that you've relocated yourself to an impossible geography? I mean, if you're in a sparsely-populated area, that's a huge strike. Then if you're in, say, a high unemployment geography, but their financial stability / ability to retire are important to you, that's another strike. And so forth. I.e., it might be a magnificent place to live if you moved there with a partner, or it might be a fantastic locale for your kids to raise their children, but at the same time it could be a lousy place for you to find someone new. Witness the fact that you spent only a few days in another geography and potential appeared. So, it's clearly not you; your locale is dead. You don't need to move to Philippines or India, but rural Midwest (or wherever) is clearly void of opportunity. Meanwhile, other areas do hold prospects for you - go there. Drycreek, I do believe my location is not a good market for meeting single men in my age range. However, for me to pick up and move, based on a chance that I may find a mate, compared to other things that I have here would be foolish imo. I've just gone through a huge move and emotional transition 2-years ago, of which I'm still healing, and now losing my ex a few weeks ago is another huge change in my world. Too many changes in such a short time is making me feel overwhelmed, and I need to find a job too. I need stability and a sense of security more than anything right now. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 22, 2017 11:13:20 GMT -5
Just as a sidebar observation. There seems to be a common lament that post marriage, and being older and single, it is pretty hard to get a root, and even harder to find a decent potential partner. (I don't necessarily disagree with this lament either) Now perhaps this is just me, but back when I was single and young, I didn't find it real easy to get a root or find a decent potential partner then either. Is my experience unique ? I'm far from convinced that the "ease" or "difficulty" in getting a root or sourcing a half decent partner is an age issue. Baz, it was the same for me when young, and that's with men staring at me everywhere I went, and them chatting me up. I attracted men, but it took a certain type of man for me to be attracted to him, so it's not age in that respect, but then again, it is a factor. Young Me: Beautiful, and attracts men of all ages, so the market is very large, even though I'm selective in choosing one who may be a long-term partner, so still difficult to find. Old Me: No longer attracts men of all ages, so market has decreased considerably (and I'm not a cougar). Men around my own age: Remove the married, the gay, the ones who have let themselves go (quite a lot from what I see), the infirm (after 25-years of misery, I want someone I can do activities with and have fun, and not be a caretaker from the get go). Now, what's left is not in great number, and from them there has to be mutual attraction AND compatibility. That's not easy to find at any age, so what I'm saying is that I agree in one respect that age doesn't matter, but in another it does, because the market is so much smaller. Btw, I've seen quite a few men that make me look twice (or more), they just happen to be 20-30 years younger than me. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 22, 2017 12:07:16 GMT -5
You are in DC!!! I lived there 10 years and remember it fondly. The variety of fee, interesting activities is difficult to beat. It also is a magnet for interesting people from all over the world.
As I haven't lived there recently as a single, I can't speak to that aspect. I didn't have a tough time dating there when I was young.
In your situation, I wonder whether you found online dating disappointing because you are comparing your recent attention there with the great amount of attention you used to get as a young beauty. You've said that when young, you got daily compliments from strangers. You may have been getting more than average attention online for a woman of your age. When I was online, I was happy to get any views. I never got a lot of views or messages.
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Post by Caris on Jun 22, 2017 12:45:45 GMT -5
You are in DC!!! I lived there 10 years and remember it fondly. The variety of fee, interesting activities is difficult to beat. It also is a magnet for interesting people from all over the world. As I haven't lived there recently as a single, I can't speak to that aspect. I didn't have a tough time dating there when I was young. In your situation, I wonder whether you found online dating disappointing because you are comparing your recent attention there with the great amount of attention you used to get as a young beauty. You've said that when young, you got daily compliments from strangers. You may have been getting more than average attention online for a woman of your age. When I was online, I was happy to get any views. I never got a lot of views or messages. No, I'm not in DC. Lol I can see how you thought that. I'll go back and edit it. It was short for "Dry Creek," whom I was addressing. I always call him D.C. There was no online anything when I was young. It hadn't been invented. I met men the old fashioned way. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2017 14:05:39 GMT -5
Just as a sidebar observation. There seems to be a common lament that post marriage, and being older and single, it is pretty hard to get a root, and even harder to find a decent potential partner. (I don't necessarily disagree with this lament either) Now perhaps this is just me, but back when I was single and young, I didn't find it real easy to get a root or find a decent potential partner then either. Is my experience unique ? I'm far from convinced that the "ease" or "difficulty" in getting a root or sourcing a half decent partner is an age issue. To get a root? A lot easier single than married to my refuser. I actually had a great year sexually my first year out. I've gone on a lot of dates and met some nice men but not enough chemistry for anything to stick. Getting a root? Not that difficult. Finding someone with potential for a good relationship? Well...... |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 22, 2017 22:04:31 GMT -5
No, I'm not in DC. Lol I can see how you thought that. I'll go back and edit it. It was short for "Dry Creek," whom I was addressing. I always call him D.C. Too funny... I figured she deduced D.C. from your description of the dating pool as mostly guys who are gay, out of shape, or infirm! Ha! |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 23, 2017 9:12:53 GMT -5
Caris, I think you are relying too much on dating site messages to determine your viability in the dating world. You are comparing your experiences as a young, beautiful woman to what is normal for a beautiful senior citizen woman, which you probably are now.
I'd bet that you probably got more comments and messages than did most women your age in your area.
I'd also bet that when you decide to get more involved in your local area by working or volunteering, you will attract suitors who interest you.
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