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Post by greatcoastal on May 9, 2017 10:27:41 GMT -5
Just to take this a step further, I got to hear all the excuses my W. uses on other people when asked to do something that's not her plan, or all her way, where she has full control. Last night my daughter and I made plans to walk the beach, after dinner. Full moon night, no homework, she's off her crutches, bring the dog, the dog goes to the groomer the next day, and it's turtle nesting season. I'm going out the door with my daughter, the phone rings. My son calls me. He locked the car keys in the trunk! There goes my plans. My daughter goes in the house and asks her mother to go with her. The excuses. I've been at work all day. I'm too tired. Daughter: I've been at school all day. I have been on crutches for 4 months. I have to leave early for work. Daughter: I have to leave early for school, I'm up and making my lunch and your still in bed. I've already changed my clothes for bed. Daughter: You can't even take a minute to change your clothes? It's only 7:30 Pm? I can take you there and drop you off? Daughter: you cant even come on the beach with me? I'm not going to stay late and watch the turtles. Daughter : That's okay, the dog would bark at them anyways. I'll take you but were not going to stay long. I get home from picking up my son, and what do I later see posted on Fakebook? Pictures, of my daughter, the dog, the full moon over the Atlantic, and a statement. "Having a wonderful mother daughter time. Very relaxing! A beautiful night to take the dog to the beach" (this was my W's first time EVER going to the beach with the dog) (like she planned and executed the whole thing, such a great mommy!) (My daughter and I washed dried, and combed the dog. I swept up the sand, washed the towels, and cleaned the tub. My W. went straight to bed) A side note; my other daughter (a year younger) gets invited too. She tells her older sister, " I want to go to bed early" . That didn't happen. My daughter, and I have explained to her (like my wife) "you keep turning every one down, and no one is going to ask you anymore. You say that people are not nice to you, yet you don't do anything for anyone, or talk to anyone anymore. no wonder dad doesn't invite you out anymore." 1) I am so glad your daughter didn't back down! Growing up, this would have been referred to as "back talking" and I would have been condemned, I call this a logical discussion. Good for you for raising your children to be able to have a logical discussion about their wants without getting punished. Woohoo you. 2) this is a perfect example of why I cannot wait for Facebook to die. I stopped using it in October. I feel so much better for it. The amount of fake and hate that is spewed is disturbing. My cousin is an excellent example, she will post pictures of her kids that other people have sent her because she doesn't spend enough time with them to actually have many, but she is continuously praised as being the best mom ever. If you can, I highly seggust you log out of Facebook and don't look at it for a month, then look and see how you feel. If you can, it's not easy. 3. Why the heck didn't your wife just go help your son with the car, I'm sure you would have actually enjoyed the beach, lol! My daughter and I are having "discussions" about mom's manipulation. She is becoming more and more aware of it, and learning better how to deal with it. I am teaching her about "love Languages" and about givers and takers. Her mom is an example of a "acts of service" taker, who gives nothing in return, then whines about it. My sons and daughters are hopefully learning the downfalls of such a behavior. Do you see the meaning in my post? How much a refuser, refuses others and puts themselves first? Then comes the manipulation, the falseness that they live behind? That it is so much more than just sex, and more than just husband and wife. It affects the whole family, and how they treat others daily. I knew better than to even mention to her to go get our son. You read all the excuses she gave my daughter. I would have been told: It's your car. It's your problem. It's your money. You let him drive it. You can take our daughter some other time. It's late, I have to go to work in the morning. You don't have to go anywhere (not true). etc... etc.... Hence the divorce. I'll be better off alone. Her fakebook responses are comical. The few she received don't give her any praise. Instead they ask about our daughter getting off her crutches, or people brag about themselves and what a wonderful moonlit view they got to see! |
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Post by snowman12345 on May 9, 2017 12:30:46 GMT -5
It sure did my 59 year old wife! I'm in the middle of writing an article for my blog on the difference between "won't" and "can't". All too often we do/not do what we give ourselves permission to do/not do. Can't is when the vaginal walls thin due to the lack of estrogen making sex painful. I can't bring myself to hurt her to satisfy my needs. When I made noises about divorce and leaving - she offered up "I will never say no to you." I have pushed that offer to see if she would keep her word and she did - it was the most miserable sexual experience I have ever had - and that includes the very first time which was less than stellar. However, she did keep her word - but she will not initiate, I have to ask for it. I won't ask because it is painful for her. The permission is there, but the desire no longer exists for either one of us for very different reasons. In my world there is not one iota of difference between "won't" and "can't". They both amount to the same thing - SEXLESS MARRIAGE. So I slink off with my AP every so often, then come home and act like all is well. Our lives go on. Ain't it grand!?!
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Post by snowman12345 on May 9, 2017 12:36:06 GMT -5
I found it just to be much more powerful than previous excuses and it might be THE excuse. My SO wasn't ever enthused about sex so I'm not sure why I was surprised by the sudden end to our so-called sex life. I've tried to find some Zen with it but it's still hurtful. I have no advice to offer, nothing has ever brought our libidos into anything I would consider acceptable but you're not alone. God how I wish I didn't still care about sex or her or both after 30 years together. I hear ya brother. My wife and I had a pretty good sex life before the menopausal oblivion set it. She initiated as often as I did and I think other couples saw our relationship as desirous. After menopause it was "we are never doing this again!" I felt like I had lost my best friend.
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Post by snowman12345 on May 9, 2017 12:39:24 GMT -5
Don't touch me All you ever do is think about sex You watch more porn than a man Get a hobby Silence... I'm reading this thinking... "Awesome" Me too! She needs to go into more detail though. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2017 14:02:14 GMT -5
So far, being on the edge of menopause has not changed my sex drive. Of course every woman is different. Excuses I got from Mr. Kat: - I'm tired. - My stomach hurts. - I have a sinus headache (probably true - but as often and as badly as he did? And he wouldn't pursue meaningful treatment.) - It's too late at night (before 10 PM.) - The cat is in the room. - I need to pay attention to the cat. - Health issues (but did not follow through on things he could do to improve them.) And baza alluded to our excuses for staying. Here's my biggest one: Afraid of being all alone for the rest of my life. Well, now I'm out and I'm not in a real relationship (just some lite dating.) But I feel that I'm neither better off nor worse off. If I was still with him, I'd have to live with his skulking around our place, wrapping everything in his dark cloud. At least I'm not in a bad mood all the time, and on my own, I don't have to live with his. |
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kam
Junior Member
Posts: 26
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Post by kam on May 15, 2017 4:29:13 GMT -5
"I'm tired."
"You take too long to climax, it's too tiring."
"You're sex starved."
"I don't like to use a condom."
"You might get pregnant."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"-Child- might knock."
"It's late."
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appleaday
Junior Member
Posts: 95 
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by appleaday on May 15, 2017 8:08:41 GMT -5
My husband doesn't use excuses, he just giggles like a freakin school girl if I mention sex or anything related. Giggle, walk away, no action.
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 10:02:54 GMT -5
- pushing me away - pushing me away - pushing me away - pushing me away - pushing me away - pushing me away, "don't touch me" - You can't just touch me like that - You need to be a better wife first before sex can even be considered again. ... never tried again after that last one. He either wants me or he doesn't. I wasn't going to beg for it. A better wife?!?? Ouch!!! I can TOTALLY understand why you never tried again after that last excuse. |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 10:22:24 GMT -5
Finally after 9 years of sexlessness:
- I've lost my sex drive due to menopause and I'm not going to do HRT because of the cancer risk, so our sex life is history.
Now THAT'S what I call a definitive response. The upside of this is, being that your sex life is history with her, is that the excuses become part of history as well. |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 10:32:37 GMT -5
1. (Him) Wait, the (insert sports team) are playing (Me) - you watch - I'll just sit here with my face in your lap. - did you notice my face in your lap? Yes, I slid your shorts off without you noticing - oh you didn't notice that either. So, guess might as well take your dick out of my mouth, much easier to talk that way. 2. (Him) Wait, the (insert sports team) won OR lost - need to deal - (Me) you cry or celebrate - I'll just sit here naked - like a fool - and wait for you. - oh this - why am I naked? I just thought..... oh never mind. 3. (Him) My knee hurts (Me) - k you just lay on your back - I'll do everything, some head first? Climb on second? Oh that might jostle your knee? Yeah probably right - all of my 110# on your 250# - probably jostle you right off the bed. Wouldn't want THAT. 4. (Him) Too tired from work (Me)- you lay down - I know playing golf and hanging out with your friends is very stressful. I'll make you your favorite dinner, give you an amazing, naked massage with your favorite strawberry scented oil - oh you fell asleep - no way you're waking up. You seem to be drooling on the sofa. 5. (Him) maybe later - I need to do some "stuff". -(Me)You're just not interested at all? Oh, you prefer chatting with your "guy" friend several times a night, in your own room, while I go to bed, alone again. ----------------------------------- Sorry - couldn't resist. (Me, to lyn) - You're killing me here. Sorry - couldn't resist. |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 10:34:37 GMT -5
1. (Him) Wait, the (insert sports team) are playing (Me) - you watch - I'll just sit here with my face in your lap. - did you notice my face in your lap? Yes, I slid your shorts off without you noticing - oh you didn't notice that either. So, guess might as well take your dick out of my mouth, much easier to talk that way. 2. (Him) Wait, the (insert sports team) won OR lost - need to deal - (Me) you cry or celebrate - I'll just sit here naked - like a fool - and wait for you. - oh this - why am I naked? I just thought..... oh never mind. 3. (Him) My knee hurts (Me) - k you just lay on your back - I'll do everything, some head first? Climb on second? Oh that might jostle your knee? Yeah probably right - all of my 110# on your 250# - probably jostle you right off the bed. Wouldn't want THAT. 4. (Him) Too tired from work (Me)- you lay down - I know playing golf and hanging out with your friends is very stressful. I'll make you your favorite dinner, give you an amazing, naked massage with your favorite strawberry scented oil - oh you fell asleep - no way you're waking up. You seem to be drooling on the sofa. 5. (Him) maybe later - I need to do some "stuff". -(Me)You're just not interested at all? Oh, you prefer chatting with your "guy" friend several times a night, in your own room, while I go to bed, alone again. ----------------------------------- Sorry - couldn't resist. I think I might be in love... You and me both. I'll fight you for her. To the death. lol |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 10:42:11 GMT -5
There have been many but I believe his most creative was this one. "Right now I need to take all my sexual energy and put it into building this business for us" (It had probably been about 6 months at that point) Me: So...when will we have sex again? H: Good Lord! Is sex all you think about?! Me: Guilty as charged. Silly me for craving affection, intimacy and connection with my husband. That was about 7 years into the marriage. I stayed for 24 total. That photo of your dog says it all for me with that one expression. :-( |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 10:59:57 GMT -5
Just to take this a step further, I got to hear all the excuses my W. uses on other people when asked to do something that's not her plan, or all her way, where she has full control. Last night my daughter and I made plans to walk the beach, after dinner. Full moon night, no homework, she's off her crutches, bring the dog, the dog goes to the groomer the next day, and it's turtle nesting season. I'm going out the door with my daughter, the phone rings. My son calls me. He locked the car keys in the trunk! There goes my plans. My daughter goes in the house and asks her mother to go with her. The excuses. I've been at work all day. I'm too tired. Daughter: I've been at school all day. I have been on crutches for 4 months. I have to leave early for work. Daughter: I have to leave early for school, I'm up and making my lunch and your still in bed. I've already changed my clothes for bed. Daughter: You can't even take a minute to change your clothes? It's only 7:30 Pm? I can take you there and drop you off? Daughter: you cant even come on the beach with me? I'm not going to stay late and watch the turtles. Daughter : That's okay, the dog would bark at them anyways. I'll take you but were not going to stay long. I get home from picking up my son, and what do I later see posted on Fakebook? Pictures, of my daughter, the dog, the full moon over the Atlantic, and a statement. "Having a wonderful mother daughter time. Very relaxing! A beautiful night to take the dog to the beach" (this was my W's first time EVER going to the beach with the dog) (like she planned and executed the whole thing, such a great mommy!) (My daughter and I washed dried, and combed the dog. I swept up the sand, washed the towels, and cleaned the tub. My W. went straight to bed) A side note; my other daughter (a year younger) gets invited too. She tells her older sister, " I want to go to bed early" . That didn't happen. My daughter, and I have explained to her (like my wife) "you keep turning every one down, and no one is going to ask you anymore. You say that people are not nice to you, yet you don't do anything for anyone, or talk to anyone anymore. no wonder dad doesn't invite you out anymore." 1) I am so glad your daughter didn't back down! Growing up, this would have been referred to as "back talking" and I would have been condemned, I call this a logical discussion. Good for you for raising your children to be able to have a logical discussion about their wants without getting punished. Woohoo you. 2) this is a perfect example of why I cannot wait for Facebook to die. I stopped using it in October. I feel so much better for it. The amount of fake and hate that is spewed is disturbing. My cousin is an excellent example, she will post pictures of her kids that other people have sent her because she doesn't spend enough time with them to actually have many, but she is continuously praised as being the best mom ever. If you can, I highly seggust you log out of Facebook and don't look at it for a month, then look and see how you feel. If you can, it's not easy. 3. Why the heck didn't your wife just go help your son with the car, I'm sure you would have actually enjoyed the beach, lol! You reminded me of a small sign I saw pasted on the side of a newspaper dispenser a while back. "FACEBOOK IS EVIL!". Just a side story here ... One of my sisters came over to visit. I ask myself why. She knows I only tolerate her. Well ... We were having a BBQ and she comes over and snaps a selfie (with me in it) with her iPhone. OK. So sis wants a pic with her bro. Then, later that week, my other sister tells me that Big sis posted the pic on Facebook (without my approval). It was a really bad photo of me with my sister standing behind me smiling. FYI: I'm not looking THAT bad yet. But apparently, my sister posted it because it just made her look all that much better. Like she was thinking, "Hey! Look everybody! I'm older but I'm looking so much healthier and youthful than my younger sibling!" Evil is as evil does, I guess. DIE, FACEBOOK, DIE!!! |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 11:08:17 GMT -5
I found it just to be much more powerful than previous excuses and it might be THE excuse. My SO wasn't ever enthused about sex so I'm not sure why I was surprised by the sudden end to our so-called sex life. I've tried to find some Zen with it but it's still hurtful. I have no advice to offer, nothing has ever brought our libidos into anything I would consider acceptable but you're not alone. God how I wish I didn't still care about sex or her or both after 30 years together. I hear ya brother. My wife and I had a pretty good sex life before the menopausal oblivion set it. She initiated as often as I did and I think other couples saw our relationship as desirous. After menopause it was "we are never doing this again!" I felt like I had lost my best friend.
My heart goes out to you, Snowman. Feeling like you've lost your best friend is one of the saddest feelings anyone can experience. |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 11:11:46 GMT -5
So far, being on the edge of menopause has not changed my sex drive. Of course every woman is different. Excuses I got from Mr. Kat: - I'm tired. - My stomach hurts. - I have a sinus headache (probably true - but as often and as badly as he did? And he wouldn't pursue meaningful treatment.) - It's too late at night (before 10 PM.) - The cat is in the room. - I need to pay attention to the cat. - Health issues (but did not follow through on things he could do to improve them.) And baza alluded to our excuses for staying. Here's my biggest one: Afraid of being all alone for the rest of my life. Well, now I'm out and I'm not in a real relationship (just some lite dating.) But I feel that I'm neither better off nor worse off. If I was still with him, I'd have to live with his skulking around our place, wrapping everything in his dark cloud. At least I'm not in a bad mood all the time, and on my own, I don't have to live with his. Sometimes being alone is better than feeling alone when you're not actually alone. |
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