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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 19, 2017 5:04:43 GMT -5
So as you may know, I literally moved out of my home (W and children left behind). My 6 year old daughter said "She was crying on the inside" and many other family members very upset and shocked.
As I lay in lonely new apartment, I imagined myself holding my wife all night in our bed.
So this morning, I had a new talk with my W. We made HUGE PROGRESS. We both agreed that "INTIMACY" was missing from our couple. She also and I agreed went thru a "Mid Life Crisis: Checklist" and I basically ticked every box.
It is true that we had grown Sexless over the past 10 years.
So she claims I am "too cold" and I claim she has no libido. I think we are both right and both wrong. Good news is we both agreed that INTIMACY is the key - I was the one emphasizing this point but she agreed.
So we agreed to a Couple's Week-end soon as she wants to make sure I am not still in my mid life crisis.
So we are off to save our marriage. I am pretty confident this will be possible. I hear the statistics that 0.5% of sexless marriages succeed, especially after 10 years of SM (i.e., less than 10 times per year). So am I delusional to think that we will be exception?
I told her that the Magic ingrediants are:
1. LOVE
2. TRUST / HONESTY
3. HARD WORK
And BOTH are willing to put all 3 of those into the Couple.
She does not trust me 100% yet, as I did tell her No when asked if I still loved her. But being alone in my apartment for 2 days, it started to sink in, and I actually had a vision of me holding her all night.
So we will see how this goes. It never ends does it? "Couple Week-end" here we come.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 19, 2017 5:22:40 GMT -5
So as you may know, I literally moved out of my home (W and children left behind). My 6 year old daughter said "She was crying on the inside" and many other family members very upset and shocked. As I lay in lonely new apartment, I imagined myself holding my wife all night in our bed. So this morning, I had a new talk with my W. We made HUGE PROGRESS. We both agreed that "INTIMACY" was missing from our couple. She also and I agreed went thru a "Mid Life Crisis: Checklist" and I basically ticked every box. It is true that we had grown Sexless over the past 10 years. So she claims I am "too cold" and I claim she has no libido. I think we are both right and both wrong. Good news is we both agreed that INTIMACY is the key - I was the one emphasizing this point but she agreed. So we agreed to a Couple's Week-end soon as she wants to make sure I am not still in my mid life crisis. So we are off to save our marriage. I am pretty confident this will be possible. I hear the statistics that 0.5% of sexless marriages succeed, especially after 10 years of SM (i.e., less than 10 times per year). So am I delusional to think that we will be exception? I told her that the Magic ingrediants are: 1. LOVE 2. TRUST / HONESTY 3. HARD WORK And BOTH are willing to put all 3 of those into the Couple. She does not trust me 100% yet, as I did tell her No when asked if I still loved her. But being alone in my apartment for 2 days, it started to sink in, and I actually had a vision of me holding her all night. So we will see how this goes. It never ends does it? "Couple Week-end" here we come. WARNING WARNING WARNING ... roomy. This has me very worried. Make no decisions now. You have made a huge leap forward and this could be your undoing. What you are feeling now is nrmal. You feelbad for splitting the family. But that cannot cloud your judgement going forward. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 19, 2017 5:24:48 GMT -5
And my phone is being a dick. Sorry.
Please just rest with the situation a while. I am worried you have gone into guilt and panic. ALL NORMAL.
If you undo all this hard work now you will be more screwed.
I got id of my fella 3 1/2 years then took him back in a moment of weakness. That was 10 years... correction... 10 ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE years ago.
Please be careful.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 19, 2017 5:25:45 GMT -5
Don't let lonely drag you back.
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Post by nancyb on Apr 19, 2017 5:33:16 GMT -5
I sincserely hope things work out for you McRoommate. All the best luck.
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Post by baza on Apr 19, 2017 5:48:27 GMT -5
Whilst this latest twist plays out to a conclusion, I am thinking of the "other woman" who ended up embroiled in the situation.
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 19, 2017 5:52:45 GMT -5
Make sure to use protection, you don't want her using a pregnancy to pull you back.
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 19, 2017 6:07:22 GMT -5
Don't let lonely drag you back. I sincerely appreciate your comments and they are provoking me to honestly examine the situation. It is not just lonely. I might have found a new woman (classic mid life crisis affair) - I mean I have ALL the symptoms/signs of a Mid-Life Crisis. My psychiatrist friend even warned me of this and cited many examples of friends who got in a mess - we ride motorcycles together, no I am not a patient yet : ) Unlike many of our noble Member on this Forum, my SM was not entirely clear cut - in other words she has orgasms, gets passionate etc. but we basically stopped having sex many years ago with any frequency. I believe looking at available data that the marriage is savable. My W may have a less libido than I do but she made serious efforts since I threatened divorce to be more intimate and sex and I became unquestionably the refuser. It may have been due to me in MidLifeCrisis. So we are going away for the week-end on Saturday. My W said we will see. She said she is concerned about her and the children being hurt again if I change my mind again. She also entirely agrees that INTIMACY is critical and we need to focus on that. So the marriage might be saved from my MidLifeCrisis coming to a head and then we refocus our couple and intimacy (Love, Honesty, HardWork and BOTH put in all 3). |
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 19, 2017 6:11:20 GMT -5
Whilst this latest twist plays out to a conclusion, I am thinking of the "other woman" who ended up embroiled in the situation. I told her that I am staying with my wife and children and broke it off. She is very tough and I will not get a second chance. She said "Bye" - I imagine I am since blocked from her phone and email etc. While I can say with absolute certainty I was in an SM - I am thinking it might be savable. Oh what a freaking mess my life is right now. Chaos before order? I often am envious of Monks. Imagine life with no libido - I think that would be called Paradisio. Human, all too human. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Apr 19, 2017 6:32:37 GMT -5
...................
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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 19, 2017 6:35:51 GMT -5
Why did she wait until you left? Sorry. I worry about your enthusiasm. By all means have dates if you must. But keep your own place. If your relationship was so important to her you wouldn't have had to leave. Red flags waving wildly here.
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Post by thefullmoon on Apr 19, 2017 6:52:31 GMT -5
I often am envious of Monks. Imagine life with no libido - I think that would be called Paradisio. Human, all too human. To me it seems more dead than alive.... And quite the opposite of Paradiso... |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 19, 2017 7:19:12 GMT -5
I think you ought to keep your own place & get into individual counseling.
A midlife crisis is a lot like any other growth spurt: painful, needed, healthy, leading to deeper authenticity if done right.
YOU need some clarity, brother. I don't see that coming from W, who has (understandably) her own agenda & motivations.
I'm a bit appalled at the way you wrote off your paramour - previously described in such wildly romantic "I know she's the one" language - in multiple posts over months now.
Your heart is like a ping-pong ball, bouncing all over the place. No one outside of you is capable of telling you what is right for you. A therapist (if they're good) can help YOU decide what you want, what your heart needs, what your truth is. I wouldn't recommend looking to W for that. I wouldn't recommend "caving" just because of parental pressure.
Yeah, the kids will cry - on the inside, & often on the outside. This back & forth seems more hurtful than helpful. This is just my opinion.
Your choices are, obviously, up to you. But I really think you need a trusted sounding board to help you clarify, for yourself, what you are feeling & thinking & how YOU wish to proceed.
Good luck with the whole enterprise,
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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 19, 2017 7:52:44 GMT -5
Whilst this latest twist plays out to a conclusion, I am thinking of the "other woman" who ended up embroiled in the situation. I told her that I am staying with my wife and children and broke it off. She is very tough and I will not get a second chance. She said "Bye" - I imagine I am since blocked from her phone and email etc. While I can say with absolute certainty I was in an SM - I am thinking it might be savable. Oh what a freaking mess my life is right now. Chaos before order? I often am envious of Monks. Imagine life with no libido - I think that would be called Paradisio. Human, all too human. Might I humbly suggest that in 3 months, 6 months, one year's time you don't attempt to contact this 'tough' cookie. Sounds like you trashed her heart. A simple " Bye" is more telling than a tirade. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 19, 2017 7:59:40 GMT -5
I told her that I am staying with my wife and children and broke it off. She is very tough and I will not get a second chance. She said "Bye" - I imagine I am since blocked from her phone and email etc. While I can say with absolute certainty I was in an SM - I am thinking it might be savable. Oh what a freaking mess my life is right now. Chaos before order? I often am envious of Monks. Imagine life with no libido - I think that would be called Paradisio. Human, all too human. Might I humbly suggest that in 3 months, 6 months, one year's time you don't attempt to contact this 'tough' cookie. Sounds like you trashed her heart. A simple " Bye" is more telling than a tirade. Yes you absolutely can suggest this. I am guilty of destroying and trashing a lot of hearts these days. We fell madly in love but I cannot bear the thought of my W and children suffering. There is no way out of this without pain and probably will endure for a while. I even saw a priest a few months ago and confessed everything and he said he did not envy me. Sorry for turning this forum into a FUBAR exhibition of my heart. |
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