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Post by whuffo on Mar 27, 2017 1:22:11 GMT -5
Here's my article:
Dear Wife,
While life is not even close to what it was when we first met, I am still the person you married. I still have hopes, dreams, wants, desires. Some of them have evolved with the introduction of our children, but none of them are invalid.
I will continue to do my best to provide for and protect you and our kids down to my last breath. I will work long hours so that you can be there for every bump and scrape, every game, every bedtime story. I will make sure my paycheck keeps milk in the fridge. I will risk traffic offenses to rush our kids to the ER for the broken arm.
So, as we click off the years, please remember that while the children will have periods that require our utmost attention and time, there will come a time that they will depart our nest for the real world, and then we will be forced to go back to what we had prior. If we neglect each other for temporary "higher priorities" we ourselves will turn back after watching them fly away to see an empty nest. Either our marriage will have long since dissolved and we will not even recognize the person standing before us, or there will be no person standing before us.
So while everybody changes over time, I ask that you remember the person you married and work your hardest not to lose touch with what brought us together to begin with and keep that and all aspects of that sacred. In the long run, we, and our entire family will benefit from us having a bond and connection that will always remain unbreakable.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 27, 2017 9:34:44 GMT -5
Ick. Martyrdom is so ugly, I can't stand people like her (especially moms who play that card --"But.. I am a MOM."). She'd be a miserable person to live with, that's for sure!
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 27, 2017 9:47:22 GMT -5
Ick. Martyrdom is so ugly, I can't stand people like her (especially moms who play that card --"But.. I am a MOM."). She'd be a miserable person to live with, that's for sure! Yup... You gatta love the line, "because together we are damn good". Oh really? I bet your H has a different take on that, and so will your children. I also marvel at the fact it's posted on a parenting web sight. |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 27, 2017 10:04:16 GMT -5
I SO wanted to comment but didn't. That is the "I am a Mom" battle cry that excuses her from putting any effort into her marriage yet she expects her husband to put forth effort? Romance HER? I bet if she didn't get roses on V-Day all hell would break loose. Maybe he's tired, too? Doesn't matter which partner is acting like this (some men do, too) - the relationship is doomed. Guaranteed. Maybe not in a year, but 5-10 for certain. Unless she changes her tune a bit.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2017 10:09:25 GMT -5
This joke of a marriage is a disaster waiting to happen. I pity her and her kids.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2017 11:54:58 GMT -5
Martyrdom is very ugly. WindSister is right. The mommy-splaining in that article is very insulting to the women here on ILIASM who happen to have children. I hate the way society seems to encourage and expect women, as soon as they push out a brat, to become prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. I don't understand why there's this idea that fun (including sexual fun) has to end when you become a parent. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 27, 2017 12:39:26 GMT -5
But reading between the lines says to me he isn't putting up much resistance or he's perhaps in agreement with the ways their roles are currently defined. There is an incredible level of gynocentric narcissism posing as parenting advice. It virtually guarantees that any husband who would dare take issue about a marital dysfunction when his wife is pregnant or has given birth any time within 3 years previous, is an ungrateful and insensitive lech. She is poisoning the well by framing her dysfunction as a choice between caring for their children or having reasonable adult relationship with her husband. Checkmate. I bought into the same manipulative filibustering with Mrs. Apocrypha as well, and came to define my worth as a father and supportive husband by how much loneliness I could withstand, waiting for her to return. |
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Post by shamwow on Mar 27, 2017 12:39:37 GMT -5
Ick. Martyrdom is so ugly, I can't stand people like her (especially moms who play that card --"But.. I am a MOM."). She'd be a miserable person to live with, that's for sure! Just an observation, but I can't recall ever hearing "But...I am a DAD" as a reason not to fuck your wife. Granted, there are many reasons here, but I don't recall hearing that particular one. |
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Post by shamwow on Mar 27, 2017 12:55:09 GMT -5
Martyrdom is very ugly. WindSister is right. The mommy-splaining in that article is very insulting to the women here on ILIASM who happen to have children. I hate the way society seems to encourage and expect women, as soon as they push out a brat, to become prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. I don't understand why there's this idea that fun (including sexual fun) has to end when you become a parent. It isn't just the ladies here, though. Plenty of guys get a beer belly, sit on the couch watching TV, and if their wife is a SAHM, let her do all the housework. If I want to be brutally honest, for a period of time, I was one of those guys. I busted ass at work (working between 3 and 5 jobs at a time) to provide and get ahead for our family. When I got home, I popped a beer and planted my ass. It was her job to take care of the kids and house (as we had discussed and agreed to). And when the kids were young, I freely admit that she had the harder job of the two of us. There is NO way I could have done it and wound up with the correct head-count of children (either through neglect or manslaughter) at the end of the day. You could not pay me enough to switch roles, and my hat goes off to any SAHM. That includes my wife. But once the kids go off to school, it DOES get easier for the SAHM. My wife still has to manage the household, but at this point, I do half the laundry, dishes, cleaning, chauffeuring, and other kid's activities. We split the responsibilities evenly even though her load has decreased and mine has stayed the same. It's called being a Dad and it is the greatest honor and privilege of my life. Now as our divorce process moves apace, I can't help but feel compassion for my STBX. She has completely defined herself in the kids that when they are gone (5 more years for the youngest), I don't think she will know who she is anymore. I don't know who she is now. After the divorce, I think we will still be great co-parents. We've never had any problems with the "business" or raising a family together. But she is going to have to literally re-learn who she is. She will need to re-enter the workforce and learn that if work was supposed to be fun, that's what they would call it. In all honesty, it is probably better we do this now rather than in 5 more years. We still have the kids around. She still has purpose. She just needs to extend that purpose to include things other than the kids. And on balance, that is probably a good thing for her. It still sucks it ended up this way, though. For all of us. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2017 13:06:09 GMT -5
Ick. Martyrdom is so ugly, I can't stand people like her (especially moms who play that card --"But.. I am a MOM."). She'd be a miserable person to live with, that's for sure! Just an observation, but I can't recall ever hearing "But...I am a DAD" as a reason not to fuck your wife. Granted, there are many reasons here, but I don't recall hearing that particular one. The closest thing to "I am a DAD," might be my ex - who couldn't be sexual if one of our pets was in the room; and would do anything for one of them before he would do me. And I felt like I couldn't say a word - since it was my idea for us to have pets in the first place. I'm an animal lover, so how could I possibly be upset at what a devoted "parent" he turned out to be? |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2017 13:22:19 GMT -5
I hate the way society seems to encourage and expect women, as soon as they push out a brat, to become prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. I don't understand why there's this idea that fun (including sexual fun) has to end when you become a parent. I do agree with this. But I don't know of any man who expects a woman to become one of these. The only people who expect that are the other prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 27, 2017 13:58:01 GMT -5
Martyrdom is very ugly. WindSister is right. The mommy-splaining in that article is very insulting to the women here on ILIASM who happen to have children. I hate the way society seems to encourage and expect women, as soon as they push out a brat, to become prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. I don't understand why there's this idea that fun (including sexual fun) has to end when you become a parent. It isn't just the ladies here, though. Plenty of guys get a beer belly, sit on the couch watching TV, and if their wife is a SAHM, let her do all the housework. If I want to be brutally honest, for a period of time, I was one of those guys. I busted ass at work (working between 3 and 5 jobs at a time) to provide and get ahead for our family. When I got home, I popped a beer and planted my ass. It was her job to take care of the kids and house (as we had discussed and agreed to). And when the kids were young, I freely admit that she had the harder job of the two of us. There is NO way I could have done it and wound up with the correct head-count of children (either through neglect or manslaughter) at the end of the day. You could not pay me enough to switch roles, and my hat goes off to any SAHM. That includes my wife. But once the kids go off to school, it DOES get easier for the SAHM. My wife still has to manage the household, but at this point, I do half the laundry, dishes, cleaning, chauffeuring, and other kid's activities. We split the responsibilities evenly even though her load has decreased and mine has stayed the same. It's called being a Dad and it is the greatest honor and privilege of my life. Now as our divorce process moves apace, I can't help but feel compassion for my STBX. She has completely defined herself in the kids that when they are gone (5 more years for the youngest), I don't think she will know who she is anymore. I don't know who she is now. After the divorce, I think we will still be great co-parents. We've never had any problems with the "business" or raising a family together. But she is going to have to literally re-learn who she is. She will need to re-enter the workforce and learn that if work was supposed to be fun, that's what they would call it. In all honesty, it is probably better we do this now rather than in 5 more years. We still have the kids around. She still has purpose. She just needs to extend that purpose to include things other than the kids. And on balance, that is probably a good thing for her. It still sucks it ended up this way, though. For all of us. Thanks for that! I can relate to what you say as a SAHD/Homeschooler/part-timer/Landlord. Only it wasn't until we had 6 kids ,home-school, and part time work, when I would lay low around 7:30 pm, after fixing dinner, after cleaning up the kitchen, after a 12 hr day, knowing there would be zero intimacy, and most of the evening would all be about home-school computer work. The computer was a royal screw up and needed her attention. So...I get it, but I don't get it? There are numerous single woman out their working full time, and coming home to raise several kids, and still have a strong desire/understanding for intimacy with a man. There's also the alibi of "the baby needs me" for the first 2 yrs, while sex and intimacy (heck even recognition)get put on the back burner. Just in time to have another child, and restart the whole process. Then came adoption. I too lost 19 yrs of work field experiencing. Several licences expired due to cost, and experience. Meanwhile my wife was able to excel at her career working her way up the corporate ladder, and receive several patents. (all things that are considered in divorce alimony) I almost begged to go back to work. It's important to me as a man. (we won't go down that road) Your wife is fortunate. She will have adequate finance to be picky about a career choice, and so do I. Yes it will be be better now while the kids are around. It took "finally" getting the last child in public school for me to have the opportunity to be gone from the house during the day. Plus they are all teenagers, the time is now. My STBX's load is even lighter than before. What will be changing is her realization of ALL the other responsibilities that come with running a household. Having the 6 teens every other week is going to force that upon her, I won't be there! I will be forced to handle finances, and taxes on the computer, she won't be there. I say "bring it on". On a side note: My extremely attractive neighbor has two kids, one was in school full time , the other has severe learning disabilities and was at home. My other neighbor has an empty nest, and would watch the one child during the day, so this mother, could take naps. Her husband was gone several days a week, he's a pilot. Meanwhile here I was across the street watching this as I (A stay at home dad) had 6 kids to watch, home-school to do, adopted kids who spoke a foreign language, an elderly FIL to take care of, and a child with disabilities. No one was coming to get my kids, so I could take a nap!! I mentioned she's attractive, because she is getting divorced, I see her "bouncing" at the gym in her tight spandex, and I remind myself of her character. She was always an arrogant snob from the day I met her. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2017 18:07:29 GMT -5
I hate the way society seems to encourage and expect women, as soon as they push out a brat, to become prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. I don't understand why there's this idea that fun (including sexual fun) has to end when you become a parent. I do agree with this. But I don't know of any man who expects a woman to become one of these. The only people who expect that are the other prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. Yes, it's an example of how women can be awful to other women. And it sucks. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2017 19:04:20 GMT -5
as I always say "women want men to change and men want women not to change"
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Post by solodriver on Mar 28, 2017 3:27:12 GMT -5
Martyrdom is very ugly. WindSister is right. The mommy-splaining in that article is very insulting to the women here on ILIASM who happen to have children. I hate the way society seems to encourage and expect women, as soon as they push out a brat, to become prissy, frigid, placenta-brained Stepford wives. I don't understand why there's this idea that fun (including sexual fun) has to end when you become a parent. Or in my wife's case, when she becomes "old" |
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