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Post by Dan on Jan 25, 2017 10:45:16 GMT -5
Passing through a local drug store this morning, I found it to be a vomitous explosion of pink and red: cards, fake flowers, balloon, bears. Yes, as our forum is not quite one year old yet, this February will mark our first Valentine's Day. In what I assume will become an annual tradition, I will kick off our First Annual Valentine's Day Rant Thread.
I did thumb through a half-dozen cards; all too sappy, too "I'm so lucky" and "You're my best friend forever". Oh, and all prominently labeled "Wife"... as if a reminder is needed for either party when a husband gives a card to his spouse.
For about two decades, I was one of those husbands in a low-sex marriage hankering for more sex and more intimacy. It was "common knowledge" that wives would accede to sex -- at least occasionally -- if you found the set of steps that lead to her being open for intimacy. And so I dutifully set out to figure out if for her that would be "traditional romance" (flowers, candles, lotions), thoughtful attentiveness (massage, meaningful gifts), or easing her workload with a stint of "choreplay". I guess I was wandering around, trying to figure out her "love language" long before I first heard that term... and with the expectation that "once I found it, she'd reciprocate with the sex I desired". So much for "common knowledge".
Even without that, don't some wives at least put out on V-day "just because"? To show some appreciation of their husband? Not her. I don't think Valentine's Day sex was ever a thing for us, even when we were having sex. Forget about the potential excuse for a playful romp with lingerie or flavored lubes or even just candles.
I know that single people without a sweetheart rue the day when everyone is supposed to canoodle with their sweetheart. They don't have anything on us MARRIED people who are in sexless marriages, IMO!
Please join in: add your rant about the day in general, or your most infamous story of non-intimacy on V-day.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jan 25, 2017 19:53:04 GMT -5
I have never been a fan of Valentine's Day, it is a commercialized and a way to force people to prove their love by buying each other gifts (I'm a grown woman, I do not need a stuffed bear!). Not that I'm not a fan of gifts, or showing my partner I love them, but I prefer it on our own terms, and not in a forced holiday tradition. (bah, humbug,  ) Anyway, my now ex and I probably had Valentine's Day sex; we certainly did do the traditional dinners and he bought me flowers, as I think he liked the holiday more than I do. Over the years it became more of a gesture to get the flowers, the feelings behind the gift felt fake to me, and the sex disappeared on Valentine's Day and every other day for that matter. That is my little rant. Also, if I do meet someone who wants to mark the occasion, I'll take brunch over dinner, and a quiet night in with snuggling and a little romance with candlelight, chocolates, and lace added in just for fun.  |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 25, 2017 20:59:20 GMT -5
Seeing as I asked for divorce on Sunday I anticipate a damn depressing Valentines Day.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 25, 2017 21:09:42 GMT -5
I proposed to my W. on Valentines day, so it is also an anniversary. 25 yrs ago.
The 14 plus years of training, to not make intimate advances so you won't have to deal with rejection, played right into every holiday or special occasion. All that training has made the first ten years almost a blur. Dinner and a card exchange, nothing else. Now there's some gifts for the kids,and nothing for each other.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 25, 2017 22:10:50 GMT -5
Seeing as I asked for divorce on Sunday I anticipate a damn depressing Valentines Day. Get her a stuffed bear. It conveys the right message? |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 25, 2017 22:19:27 GMT -5
I proposed to my W. on Valentines day, so it is also an anniversary. 25 yrs ago. The 14 plus years of training, to not make intimate advances so you won't have to deal with rejection, played right into every holiday or special occasion. All that training has made the first ten years almost a blur. Dinner and a card exchange, nothing else. Now there's some gifts for the kids,and nothing for each other. I proposed to my now Ex on Valentine's Day 1998. Would you look how far back I had to initiate? LOL - humor. He still initiated for 8 or 9 yrs into the marriage (8 yrs together before marrying too) - we took turns many years. Valentine's Day 2000 we buried my brother that day. (Single car drunk driver incident -he had quit drinking about 5 or 8 months but wouldn't go to a program. I keep worrying my Dad will pass the day brother died (10th) or Valentine's. (He is fine, I just always have a low grade awareness of the risk since he is 91). Last year, first V-Day free/single (divorce had been official only 4 days - I did spend some time on my hands & knees but sadly, it was in the kitchen scrubbing the floor (so I wouldn't walk over to by myself champagne & chocolates & flowers. |
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Post by lakeside4003 on Jan 25, 2017 22:36:17 GMT -5
yeah, this one will be worse than the last dozen or so, knowing I now sleep in a separate bedroom, fully accepting that the path forward of 'it ain't gonna change' & ultimate dissolution is very clear.
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Post by petrushka on Jan 25, 2017 23:41:48 GMT -5
It's just another non-fucking day. Who cares about the profits of the greeting card industry and the florists?
Every day is, or isn't, Valentine's day in this respect. Every day is your birthday and X-mas rolled into one.
It's Valentine's Day 365 days in the year. There is nothing special about the one in February ...
Either your S.O. loves you and wants to be intimate with you every day of the year, or they don't. There are
no special days for this. I.M.O.
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Post by baza on Jan 26, 2017 1:39:21 GMT -5
I buy Ms enna panties from time to to time.
Bra's too - but by gift voucher so they fit.
Flowers and suchlike too.
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The date is pretty immaterial.
But on her birthday, or another date of significance, I like to get her something special.
I am planning a trip on the "Cumbaroona", an authentic Murray River paddle steamer on her birthday in late January.
Feb 14th is not a date of any significance in our deal.
A good day to have a root tho'.
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Post by beachguy on Jan 27, 2017 8:07:10 GMT -5
Don't ever recall V day sex or any other day sex, including B-days. After a few years of me missing sex, she missed the chocolates and flowers
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 27, 2017 11:17:54 GMT -5
Our first Valentine's Day weekend together she ran a half-marathon, and we went out to dinner after, got drunk, walked back to our hotel, where she fucked my brains out while telling me all the scandalous things she wanted to do to the very attractive waitress we'd had at dinner.
The next year we were back for the same half-marathon (I was recovering from knee surgery), and that was the weekend I proposed. There was no sex that weekend, as she tried gel energy packs for the first time, and they didn't agree with her. It was still a nice weekend though.
The following year we were back in the same town, but she decided day of not to run, as she'd quit training months before that. There was no sex, and there was a passing, flippant reference to it not happening. I believe we slept in separate beds in the hotel.
Which brings us up to this past year. I honestly don't remember what we did, aside from staying in town, and her casually apologizing fairly soon after we both got home on Friday that I wasn't going to be getting any that weekend. I remember having to really, really work at being even halfway enthused about the weekend, and did my gift and card shopping very, very last minute, because i wasn't looking forward to spending the weekend with her. I'm pretty sure she went to bed early, and I either cried or wanted to.
This year, we won't be together, and I'm actually looking forward to that. The weekend before I'll be at the beach, hopefully with my dog.
I'm naturally a romantic at heart, and in previous years, I've enjoyed going a bit overboard- but with actions, plans, fun experiences, not gifts. In my opinion, experiences are more fun anyway.
My best Valentine's Day story though is far and away from a time when I was single, and cost me next to nothing, money-wise.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jan 28, 2017 21:38:49 GMT -5
I got cards for the three women/girls that live with me, wife, daughter and granddaughter. I don't expect anything will happen with the wife. Valentines Day is my late father's birthday. I still miss him very much.
it is also my AP's birthday - there may be a little celebration with her!
A day of real mixed emotions for me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2017 22:26:16 GMT -5
I proposed to my W. on Valentines day, so it is also an anniversary. 25 yrs ago. The 14 plus years of training, to not make intimate advances so you won't have to deal with rejection, played right into every holiday or special occasion. All that training has made the first ten years almost a blur. Dinner and a card exchange, nothing else. Now there's some gifts for the kids,and nothing for each other. The first time Mr. Kat and I ever had sex was on Valentine's Day. :-( |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 29, 2017 3:06:22 GMT -5
I got cards for the three women/girls that live with me, wife, daughter and granddaughter. I don't expect anything will happen with the wife. Valentines Day is my late father's birthday. I still miss him very much. it is also my AP's birthday - there may be a little celebration with her! A day of real mixed emotions for me. I'd concentrate on the AP. Valentine's Day is for lovers, right? |
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Post by brian on Jan 29, 2017 7:19:51 GMT -5
My refuser will be leaving on a business trip on Valentine's Day to a conferene. I really need to find out who scheduled that and thank him/her. Now, I realize that it's POSSIBLE that there isn't actually a conference, and that she is going to meet someone else... well, a guy can dream.
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