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Post by DryCreek on Feb 15, 2017 1:28:20 GMT -5
Carol... "Sorry, hon - that's the current state of the relationship. Don't like it? Change it. Please." It's nice that he got an eye-opener after one 45-minute therapy session, but enlightenment will take a bit more time - it doesn't sound like he quite grasps your level of frustration. Changing habits and behaviors (and then your disposition toward him) require a long trend.
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Post by baza on Feb 15, 2017 2:05:33 GMT -5
I need some advice from all of you out there..... We gave each other V-Day cards. His wasn't a card but a letter telling me how much he loves me, that I'm the only woman for him, that he's sorry for all he's put me through, that he's learned so much in his sex therapy ( it's been one session!) and that he will continue to work to be the husband I deserve. I cried when I read it. When I gave him my very generic card, his response was "Well, this is interesting. Was this card supposed to be to a husband?" I guess I'm trying to figure out if he is really sincere or just laying another guilt trip on me? Any thoughts? I still reckon zipcode therapy would be a great idea here Sister Carol. That would leave him undistracted by anything (eg an unhappy wife) and free to sort his own shit out - "if" - he is being honest about that. And, it would get you away from the toxic environment of your ILIASM shithole and provide some time for you to think through this whole deal methodically and objectively. I also reckon, that if he truly did have your best interests at heart (rather than just his own) that he would support a separation. Of course for any half decent manipulator, a separation is the absolute last thing they want. They can't keep filling your head with bullshit and lies if you ain't there. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 15, 2017 2:32:01 GMT -5
I need some advice from all of you out there..... We gave each other V-Day cards. His wasn't a card but a letter telling me how much he loves me, that I'm the only woman for him, that he's sorry for all he's put me through, that he's learned so much in his sex therapy ( it's been one session!) and that he will continue to work to be the husband I deserve. I cried when I read it. When I gave him my very generic card, his response was "Well, this is interesting. Was this card supposed to be to a husband?" I guess I'm trying to figure out if he is really sincere or just laying another guilt trip on me? Any thoughts? Do you still "love" him? Are there any emotions still there besides just Platonic / Admiration / respect /Appreciation? In other words, why would you want to still be married? If there is a mutual will to change on HIS part to make you happy - and LOVE - well my three cents are it is worth being brutally honest and prepare for a long hard working struggle for meaningful change. Otherwise . . . maybe exit? My perspective is I actually decided to be honest with myself about my feelings or lack of feelings for my current W and looks like Exit for me . . . inevitable pain and suffering by all parties - most of my pain will be the pain I will cause my family but Freedom is never free. God bless and Courage. |
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Post by baza on Feb 15, 2017 3:01:28 GMT -5
Yesterday, 14 Feb, there was no exchange of cards, no exchange of flowers, and no exchange of bodily fluids in baz and enna land.
So what ?
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Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 15, 2017 7:15:52 GMT -5
Wasn't mentioned. Just another day. Suits me however. Any display of hearts and flowers would have been utterly pointless if not downright insulting.
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Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 15, 2017 7:21:44 GMT -5
I need some advice from all of you out there..... We gave each other V-Day cards. His wasn't a card but a letter telling me how much he loves me, that I'm the only woman for him, that he's sorry for all he's put me through, that he's learned so much in his sex therapy ( it's been one session!) and that he will continue to work to be the husband I deserve. I cried when I read it. When I gave him my very generic card, his response was "Well, this is interesting. Was this card supposed to be to a husband?" I guess I'm trying to figure out if he is really sincere or just laying another guilt trip on me? Any thoughts? You COULD ask him what his definition of husband is. Your card reflected your experience of him. Re him changing. Here is a question to ponder...how would you respond to an alcoholic coming from his first AA meeting with that attitude? Of course it's great. But it's only a STARTING point. Only time will tell. Considerable time. Months or years, not weeks and certainly not one or 4 or 10 sessions in therapy. |
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Post by darktippedrose on Feb 15, 2017 12:18:48 GMT -5
I bought everyone chocolate cupcakes with purple frosting on them. they were yummy. I gave two to my husband and he was sarcastic as all hell, but still accepted the cupcakes.
not necessarily a thank you.
my kidz were more than happy to take the cupcakes off my hands lol
they loved them.
and today, me and my daughter will watch the first episode of "Series of Unfortunate Events" on Netflix..
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Post by Carol on Feb 15, 2017 12:27:16 GMT -5
I need some advice from all of you out there..... We gave each other V-Day cards. His wasn't a card but a letter telling me how much he loves me, that I'm the only woman for him, that he's sorry for all he's put me through, that he's learned so much in his sex therapy ( it's been one session!) and that he will continue to work to be the husband I deserve. I cried when I read it. When I gave him my very generic card, his response was "Well, this is interesting. Was this card supposed to be to a husband?" I guess I'm trying to figure out if he is really sincere or just laying another guilt trip on me? Any thoughts? I still reckon zipcode therapy would be a great idea here Sister Carol. That would leave him undistracted by anything (eg an unhappy wife) and free to sort his own shit out - "if" - he is being honest about that. And, it would get you away from the toxic environment of your ILIASM shithole and provide some time for you to think through this whole deal methodically and objectively. I also reckon, that if he truly did have your best interests at heart (rather than just his own) that he would support a separation. Of course for any half decent manipulator, a separation is the absolute last thing they want. They can't keep filling your head with bullshit and lies if you ain't there. [ While I don't dismiss your idea of a separation, I can't do it at this time. No income to be on my own right now (I'm working at it). Only options right now are to stay or move back in with my parents ( shudder at the thought of it 😳). I see me staying as the lesser of two evils. |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 15, 2017 15:23:15 GMT -5
I bought everyone chocolate cupcakes with purple frosting on them. they were yummy. I gave two to my husband and he was sarcastic as all hell, but still accepted the cupcakes. not necessarily a thank you. my kidz were more than happy to take the cupcakes off my hands lol they loved them. and today, me and my daughter will watch the first episode of "Series of Unfortunate Events" on Netflix.. Did they have a cherry on each? Sorry, I have a vision of you holding out one in each palm to him, close to your chest!😂 |
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Post by darktippedrose on Feb 15, 2017 15:50:58 GMT -5
I bought everyone chocolate cupcakes with purple frosting on them. they were yummy. I gave two to my husband and he was sarcastic as all hell, but still accepted the cupcakes. not necessarily a thank you. my kidz were more than happy to take the cupcakes off my hands lol they loved them. and today, me and my daughter will watch the first episode of "Series of Unfortunate Events" on Netflix.. Did they have a cherry on each? Sorry, I have a vision of you holding out one in each palm to him, close to your chest!😂 Lol, no I didn't. they did, all of them had these plastic thiings in them that said "xoxo" or "luv ya" but i had them in one hand, and was gonna put them on the computer desk but instead he took them while he was still in bed |
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