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Post by bballgirl on Jan 29, 2017 8:44:33 GMT -5
If I were still in my SM then Valentine's Day would be ignored.
It would be just another day. Unfortunately my H would probably buy a card and flowers then I would say thank you. I would not get him anything.
Valentine's Day is a holiday for lovers and we were not lovers.
I understand buying a card or whatever to keep the peace but it's just one day and if the refusers are so comfortable to deny intimacy they really don't deserve a card or anything.
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Post by lyn on Jan 29, 2017 13:34:09 GMT -5
Over the years, Valentines Day has gone from a day/night spent with the love of my life, to a day where we exchange cards (his to me are always very romantic......... mine to him are now the funny sort), buy each other candy that he will thoroughly enjoy, he will probably pick up some flowers from the grocery, dinner out somewhere - then back home, peck on the lips and lights out........that's all folks. When the kids were home, candy &a cards for them too.
The first time I discovered the old EP forum, was Feb 15, 2014. This date sticks in my mind as the date I realized that I'm not unloveable, not unfuckable, and not alone. Prior to googling "sexless marriage" that day I was wondering what was I doing wrong to make my H not even want me on V-day, the most romantic day of the year. I still remember where I was sitting, what I was wearing, what the weather was that day as I came to this Realization.
That very day, I started looking at apartments, potential job opportunities all through gritted teeth. It was one of my angriest moments. It was also the day I started practicing positive self-talk ........ recognized all of the negative things I was saying to myself inside my head.
I left my laptop open where I'd been looking at apartments - my husband saw it, said nothing - then proceeded to "re-set" me ........ wind up that invisible crank on my back so I would once again clip around, banging symbols together as I had become just your run of the mill wind-up toy. That's how it made me feel....... like a wind up monkey that clanks about, tthen goes dormant collecting dust in the corner until someone remembers to wind it up again.
Thank god I no longer feel this way. I'm pretty sure we will have company over this V-day (fingers crossed), but we will still dutifully exchange meaningless cards........ I hope that's it. I hope he doesn't try to reset me again.........
I am loveable......... I am fuckable.......... i am capable......... I am brave.........
Mantra in action.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 29, 2017 13:54:28 GMT -5
Over the years, Valentines Day has gone from a day/night spent with the love of my life, to a day where we exchange cards (his to me are always very romantic......... mine to him are now the funny sort), buy each other candy that he will thoroughly enjoy, he will probably pick up some flowers from the grocery, dinner out somewhere - then back home, peck on the lips and lights out........that's all folks. When the kids were home, candy &a cards for them too. The first time I discovered the old EP forum, was Feb 15, 2014. This date sticks in my mind as the date I realized that I'm not unloveable, not unfuckable, and not alone. Prior to googling "sexless marriage" that day I was wondering what was I doing wrong to make my H not even want me on V-day, the most romantic day of the year. I still remember where I was sitting, what I was wearing, what the weather was that day as I came to this Realization. That very day, I started looking at apartments, potential job opportunities all through gritted teeth. It was one of my angriest moments. It was also the day I started practicing positive self-talk ........ recognized all of the negative things I was saying to myself inside my head. I left my laptop open where I'd been looking at apartments - my husband saw it, said nothing - then proceeded to "re-set" me ........ wind up that invisible crank on my back so I would once again clip around, banging symbols together as I had become just your run of the mill wind-up toy. That's how it made me feel....... like a wind up monkey that clanks about, tthen goes dormant collecting dust in the corner until someone remembers to wind it up again. Thank god I no longer feel this way. I'm pretty sure we will have company over this V-day (fingers crossed), but we will still dutifully exchange meaningless cards........ I hope that's it. I hope he doesn't try to reset me again......... I am loveable......... I am fuckable.......... i am capable......... I am brave......... Mantra in action. That same day and I clearly remember the weather, it was a Friday night, the thoughts in my head, etc., it was that night I called time of death on my marriage. I became a counter refuser, I vowed to myself to never have sex with my H again. Two months later I started outsourcing and a month later I wrote my first story on EP, I had been a lurker since 2012 or prior. A very meaningful date for me too. Hugs xoxo |
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Post by lyn on Jan 29, 2017 13:59:04 GMT -5
What a shitty coincidence -that just gave me chills. {{Hugs}} to YOU bballgirl <B |
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Post by itsjustus on Jan 29, 2017 23:59:27 GMT -5
Over the years, Valentines Day has gone from a day/night spent with the love of my life, to a day where we exchange cards (his to me are always very romantic......... mine to him are now the funny sort), buy each other candy that he will thoroughly enjoy, he will probably pick up some flowers from the grocery, dinner out somewhere - then back home, peck on the lips and lights out........that's all folks. When the kids were home, candy &a cards for them too. The first time I discovered the old EP forum, was Feb 15, 2014. This date sticks in my mind as the date I realized that I'm not unloveable, not unfuckable, and not alone. Prior to googling "sexless marriage" that day I was wondering what was I doing wrong to make my H not even want me on V-day, the most romantic day of the year. I still remember where I was sitting, what I was wearing, what the weather was that day as I came to this Realization. That very day, I started looking at apartments, potential job opportunities all through gritted teeth. It was one of my angriest moments. It was also the day I started practicing positive self-talk ........ recognized all of the negative things I waps saying to myself inside my head. I left my laptop open where I'd been looking at apartments - my husband saw it, said nothing - then proceeded to "re-set" me ........ wind up that invisible crank on my back so I would once again clip around, banging symbols together as I had become just your run of the mill wind-up toy. That's how it made me feel....... like a wind up monkey that clanks about, tthen goes dormant collecting dust in the corner until someone remembers to wind it up again. Thank god I no longer feel this way. I'm pretty sure we will have company over this V-day (fingers crossed), but we will still dutifully exchange meaningless cards........ I hope that's it. I hope he doesn't try to reset me again......... I am loveable......... I am fuckable.......... i am capable......... I am brave......... Mantra in action. , this is a very well said....and written. Thank you for sharing this and thank you for your mantra. |
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Post by darktippedrose on Jan 30, 2017 2:10:37 GMT -5
I wish I had a big teddy bear. At least it would keep my butt warm at night, lol
I haven't really celebrated Valentines day since my mom died. She'd do stuff for me. As I got older, and it was on romance and I was never that type of a girl that guys looked at, I hated it. grrrrrrr.
My husband didn't believe in anniversaries or valentines, so I'd hate it, but secretly yearn for it.
Now, I'll probably do something for my kidz for valentines. I'll probably watch a scary movie about Valentines day and eat some dark chocolate. My birthday is also 2 days after Valentines so .... yeah
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2017 2:26:48 GMT -5
What the fuck does Valentine's Day got to do with sex . You spend the day showing your spouse they are special by spending more money and creatively, bullshit on them than there friends spouses because the next day is all about telling everyone they love me so much they......see every Facebook post
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Jan 30, 2017 9:07:19 GMT -5
As per every V day My H buys flowers couple of days before or after from the Grocery store with a dollar store card, no roses with ribbons or hart shaped candy boxes, no candle light dinners or stuffed bears.
Years ago I told my H not to buy me flowers on Valentines day as the prices for roses are stupid and a waste of money. So he gets away with spending under ten bucks.
.....What I would love is a romantic dinner with candle light ( Does not have to be anything gourmet) Then snuggle with a movie, then passionate love making at the end of the evening. Ya well that is not going to happen !!!
What will happen is Dollar store card and grocery store flowers I guess I should be grateful to get any thing.
Our 10th wedding anniversary I received a dollar store card and a post sent out on Facebook on what a lucky guy he was to all of our friends, Why could he have not written that on the card. He spent more time on that then he did writing and shopping for a card.
Don't get me wrong it is not about the money on what he purchased and how much it was, But it would be nice every now and then to receive something special. As for now I just feel as though I am being taken for granted.
No Sex or Romance at my house this Valentines day.
K done with my rant
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Jan 30, 2017 9:14:05 GMT -5
I wish I had a big teddy bear. At least it would keep my butt warm at night, lol I haven't really celebrated Valentines day since my mom died. She'd do stuff for me. As I got older, and it was on romance and I was never that type of a girl that guys looked at, I hated it. grrrrrrr. My husband didn't believe in anniversaries or valentines, so I'd hate it, but secretly yearn for it. Now, I'll probably do something for my kidz for valentines. I'll probably watch a scary movie about Valentines day and eat some dark chocolate. My birthday is also 2 days after Valentines so .... yeah I hear ya sister. Mothers day and my birthday same thing, Sort of a get ripped off feeling. Love the idea of a scary Valentines movie may do that with my daughter. thanks for the idea |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Jan 30, 2017 9:15:36 GMT -5
What the fuck does Valentine's Day got to do with sex . You spend the day showing your spouse they are special by spending more money and creatively, bullshit on them than there friends spouses because the next day is all about telling everyone they love me so much they......see every Facebook post Has everything to do with sex when you are not getting any ! |
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Post by Dan on Jan 30, 2017 9:47:06 GMT -5
I'm naturally a romantic at heart, and in previous years, I've enjoyed going a bit overboard- but with actions, plans, fun experiences, not gifts. In my opinion, experiences are more fun anyway. I hope that me starting the thread did not convey I'm all "Bah, humbug!" about Valentine's Day. Like CT, I'm really in to romance (V-day or not): planning a getaway; thoughtful details; slow, lovey-dovey sex... that might get super-heated if the mood strikes us. But while in a sexless marriage, Valentine's Day just seems like a cruel joke. |
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Post by Dan on Jan 30, 2017 9:52:09 GMT -5
The first time I discovered the old EP forum, was Feb 15, 2014. This date sticks in my mind as the date I realized that I'm not unloveable, not unfuckable, and not alone. ... I am loveable......... I am fuckable.......... i am capable......... I am brave......... Mantra in action. I. LOVE. THIS. BACKSTORY. Good luck to you, lyn . Good luck to us all! |
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Post by Dan on Jan 30, 2017 10:18:22 GMT -5
Seeing as I asked for divorce on Sunday I anticipate a damn depressing Valentines Day. Not the response I feel I would be having. For me: RELIEF that I don't have to "fake it" any more... not with a card, not with anything. THAT is what I resent about the "holiday" while in an SM... the "faking it"! |
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Post by lyn on Jan 30, 2017 10:19:30 GMT -5
Over the years, Valentines Day has gone from a day/night spent with the love of my life, to a day where we exchange cards (his to me are always very romantic......... mine to him are now the funny sort), buy each other candy that he will thoroughly enjoy, he will probably pick up some flowers from the grocery, dinner out somewhere - then back home, peck on the lips and lights out........that's all folks. When the kids were home, candy &a cards for them too. The first time I discovered the old EP forum, was Feb 15, 2014. This date sticks in my mind as the date I realized that I'm not unloveable, not unfuckable, and not alone. Prior to googling "sexless marriage" that day I was wondering what was I doing wrong to make my H not even want me on V-day, the most romantic day of the year. I still remember where I was sitting, what I was wearing, what the weather was that day as I came to this Realization. That very day, I started looking at apartments, potential job opportunities all through gritted teeth. It was one of my angriest moments. It was also the day I started practicing positive self-talk ........ recognized all of the negative things I waps saying to myself inside my head. I left my laptop open where I'd been looking at apartments - my husband saw it, said nothing - then proceeded to "re-set" me ........ wind up that invisible crank on my back so I would once again clip around, banging symbols together as I had become just your run of the mill wind-up toy. That's how it made me feel....... like a wind up monkey that clanks about, tthen goes dormant collecting dust in the corner until someone remembers to wind it up again. Thank god I no longer feel this way. I'm pretty sure we will have company over this V-day (fingers crossed), but we will still dutifully exchange meaningless cards........ I hope that's it. I hope he doesn't try to reset me again......... I am loveable......... I am fuckable.......... i am capable......... I am brave......... Mantra in action. , this is a very well said....and written. Thank you for sharing this and thank you for your mantra. Thank you itsjustus😊 These posts are quite healing for me to write - if it's helpful to others too, well then that's even better. Xx |
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Post by lyn on Jan 30, 2017 10:22:52 GMT -5
The first time I discovered the old EP forum, was Feb 15, 2014. This date sticks in my mind as the date I realized that I'm not unloveable, not unfuckable, and not alone. ... I am loveable......... I am fuckable.......... i am capable......... I am brave......... Mantra in action. I. LOVE. THIS. BACKSTORY. Good luck to you, lyn . Good luck to us all! Thank you @dan 😊 painful yet cathartic to share. I appreciate your kind words. |
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