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Post by joy6016 on Dec 18, 2016 16:37:29 GMT -5
When I was talking to my parents yesterday about everything that had gone on, they told me about their own issues and struggles that had developed along the way, how one issue had taken five years to work through, how another had taken almost a decade. My first thought was, "I can't wait 15 years on the off chance she might become an acceptable version of what i want a wife and mother to be." I'm not willing to sideline my own happiness and fulfillment that long when the only thing that we would have to split would be two dogs. There's too much of my life still ahead, and I won't sacrifice future potential awesomeness for what might be slightly ok now. You're even younger than I am. Better is out there, closer than you think. Wow, you're so smart, cagedtiger! I'm glad you're choosing what's right for you and your own happiness versus just doing what they did. Not saying that's wrong, but it's not for everyone. I know my parents went through a LOT of stuff too and almost even ended it once (lawyers were called and everything), but it worked out. Sadly, I can't fully talk about the SM with them because....embarrassing. I do think of sending my mom an article on it, because she always wants to focus on our communication/walls/being close/etc., when I feel like the SM adds SO much more even beyond that, or even causes all of that. It's frustrating! Anyway, I'm happy for you and for realizing that you deserve more.  |
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Post by joy6016 on Dec 18, 2016 16:38:34 GMT -5
cagedtiger just remember what was right for them isn't necessarily what's right for you. If you have to pull out the big guns with them use the line about her breaking the marriage vows first by not engaging in an intimate relationship with you. In my (severely limited) knowledge of religiousness, God expects regular bedroom antics from his married followers. I think that's right anyway! Great point, eternaloptimism! I like those quotes about how when sex isn't an issue, it's 10% of the relationship, and when it IS an issue, it's 90%. SO. TRUE. I feel like I would still really enjoy it, but wouldn't obsess over it like I do if it wasn't an issue. I do think it's an expected part of marriage for most! |
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Post by joy6016 on Dec 18, 2016 16:40:52 GMT -5
I'd highly advise you NOT to sacrifice your sexuality. It's not small potatoes. ...and even if it is, given enough time, a steady stream of small potatoes can build a mountain. Sex is like water and marriage with kids is like a trek across a dry desert. You're going to need the water for the long journey ahead. My advice is to make damn sure he intends to keep your canteen reasonably full before heading out on that trek. I loved all of the post above, only snipped for ease on the thread... I learned a few years ago my husband used having children to keep me. I was jusy and in need... while I wanted sex it was easy to be distracted by life. It wasnt until I wanted to walk away, that in desperation he offered to give me another kid. In that moment I had the wind knocked out of me with the reality he showed me. Your sex life is unlikely to change unless you both change it. Think about where you want to be in 5 years... because your young now but one day you will be 40 looking at your life wondering where it went. It goes quicker than it seams while your waiting for sex. Tackle the hard stuff its the only way to make progress. Ugh, that's really sad, sweetplumeria. That's not a way to keep someone.  I agree that it won't change unless we both do. Unfortunately, I'm really struggling right now and it's VERY hard for me to find sexual interest in him. I feel like I'd be friends with him forever if that was an option (it's not - for him), but right now? I have very little intimate attraction to him. I feel that I spend 5+ years chasing, putting myself out there, suggesting, etc., only to have a VERY limited sex life, and now that I've kind of tasted what it's like to be wanted again by someone else? I feel that I can't be bothered with him at this point. I know that's bad. I'm doing my best to summon my feelings for this final try. I agree that time will go by quickly, and I'm not getting any younger. I do want children someday, but I can't imagine having them in a SM. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 18, 2016 22:12:44 GMT -5
When I was talking to my parents yesterday about everything that had gone on, they told me about their own issues and struggles that had developed along the way, how one issue had taken five years to work through, how another had taken almost a decade. My first thought was, "I can't wait 15 years on the off chance she might become an acceptable version of what i want a wife and mother to be." I'm not willing to sideline my own happiness and fulfillment that long when the only thing that we would have to split would be two dogs. There's too much of my life still ahead, and I won't sacrifice future potential awesomeness for what might be slightly ok now. You're even younger than I am. Better is out there, closer than you think. Please take a moment to read this. especially the ending, about how men are trained, ridding your white horse, and the price to pay for freedom. The whole article is worded much better than I can ever do. shrink4men.com/2012/04/05/putting-women-on-pedestals-dont-do-it/ |
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