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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 28, 2016 10:46:32 GMT -5
Another one. Bought tickets to a two-day music festival coming up in the spring. Didn't tell her, after her meltdowns at the last few shows we've gone to together. The headliner is playing a show here in town the night before the festival starts, and she overheard my brother and I talking about that show, and asked if i was getting tickets for us (she pretty much ruined the show and the weekend for me when we went to see them in a 10 year reunion tour last year), so I told her I'd try to get those tickets. Didn't tell her that I was able to. Tell her too bad you're not going in the same tone she uses to tell you you aren't getting laid. I actually rather like that idea... But that's assuming we're still together come mid-April. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 28, 2016 11:27:53 GMT -5
This place! He'd shit a brick if he knew all the stuff I talk about on here.
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 28, 2016 11:42:09 GMT -5
This place! He'd shit a brick if he knew all the stuff I talk about on here. Good.  Actually, so would my wife. She's terrified of the prospect of other people knowing our marriage isn't all the rainbows, unicorns, and sparkles that she wants everybody to believe it is. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 28, 2016 11:54:06 GMT -5
There is a cabinet of gifted toys and lingerie, leather goods and spiritual aids. Never used, never worn, barely acknowledged. Sadly collecting dust. I suppose they sit endlessly silent, a monument to my hubris and wishful thinking ... If you think of selling it off, let me know. 😉 (It is actually really sad. When moving out last year, I got rid of about 4 different "how to revitalize relationship" books - kept ONE that seems good for future, bought newer books, guide to sex, toys, lube, batteries - all for myself. These shall not collect dust, I solemnly swear) |
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Post by deleted on Nov 29, 2016 0:20:42 GMT -5
This place! He'd shit a brick if he knew all the stuff I talk about on here. Good. Actually, so would my wife. She's terrified of the prospect of other people knowing our marriage isn't all the rainbows, unicorns, and sparkles that she wants everybody to believe it is. Don't forget the fucking fairy dust!  |
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Post by TMD on Nov 29, 2016 0:54:27 GMT -5
I suddenly have a desire to read Henry James or Edith Wharton - their novels of "manners" and the things that where inferred, implied, but never directly said. |
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Post by TMD on Nov 29, 2016 0:58:21 GMT -5
I don't tell my refuser when we get invitations to socialize with other couples. I don't want to socialize with him, so I turn down the invitations.
And then I fell guilty about it. Weird. I have much bigger things, like an affair, to feel guilty about.
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Post by brian on Nov 30, 2016 7:49:11 GMT -5
Wow. About ten years ago when I felt like things were slipping, I did some research online and ordered a little vibrator that I thought might rekindle her interest.....but oh man, when it arrived she heaped shame upon me and that thing was being returned the very next day. I think she was appalled. I felt like shit. I was trying. But in hindsight, it is all crystal clear. I'm so sorry you went through that. If I had done that the very same thing would have happened to me. I can't even discuss sex with her anymore without being shamed for having a sex drive. And back when we first met, we were as passionate lovers as you can imagine.
Damn!
More or less the same thing for me, but instead of ordering the item (a dildo instead of a vibrator), I went into a local sex shop and just bought it. Having things shipped to my house is a risky undertaking as I have kids that think every box delivered has something that must be for them. Anyways, when I presented it with an offer, I got the "it's gross", "I don't do that", "I won't touch it and don't want to even look at it" responses. One evening, out of frustration, I presented it to her in the family room as she was watching TV and I was heading to bed. Told her that she should try it and went through all of the "benefits", such as it doesn't go soft, goes exactly where you want it, zero risk of pregnancy, doesn't care how rough/soft/slow/fast/gentle you want to be, is always ready when you are, etc. She wrapped it in a towel and wouldn't even consider it. I've tried many things in the past. My closet has a couple of toys, foreplay games (not even the actual intercourse ones), oils, and gels. None of it has ever been used. In years past I used to do things that she once said were either a fantasy or at least a turn-on -- making love on rose pedals, romantic getaways away from the kids, etc. Never resulted in anything, so I stopped trying. |
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Nov 30, 2016 9:29:15 GMT -5
I 'came out' many years ago. Couldn't be bothered with the lie any more. How she felt about this no longer concerned me.
Before this the biggest thing I hid was the elephant in the room. I have a lot more space to keep my things now it's gone.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 30, 2016 10:29:13 GMT -5
This place! He'd shit a brick if he knew all the stuff I talk about on here. I have to agree with that, too. He would probably divorce me and make sure he tells family and friends how awful I am.... Here's a glimmer of HOPE for both of you (and others). The truth hurts. The truth shall set you free. You can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from nesting in your hair. In todays day and time I think you would be pleasantly surprised how many people in your life see things your way, once they hear truths. Our sons piano teacher and I are sharing a similar experience. She has been down this road before. When my STBX uses her strong, manipulative, heart wrenching, sympothy searching, moving line of, "he filed first". Our piano teacher tells me, "I thought, really, really, give me a break, you've got to be kidding me? Like that really matters? She has no idea how many spouces filled first to escape a toxic relationship, and the more she tries to play that card, the more people are going to look at her with the thought, you caused it!" |
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 30, 2016 10:47:51 GMT -5
I have to agree with that, too. He would probably divorce me and make sure he tells family and friends how awful I am.... Here's a glimmer of HOPE for both of you (and others). The truth hurts. The truth shall set you free. You can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from nesting in your hair. In todays day and time I think you would be pleasantly surprised how many people in your life see things your way, once they hear truths. Our sons piano teacher and I are sharing a similar experience. She has been down this road before. When my STBX uses her strong, manipulative, heart wrenching, sympothy searching, moving line of, "he filed first".  Our piano teacher tells me, "I thought, really, really, give me a break, you've got to be kidding me? Like that really matters? She has no idea how many spouces filled first to escape a toxic relationship, and the more she tries to play that card, the more people are going to look at her with the thought, you caused it!" Exactly!! Your wife is only speaking poorly of herself announcing that you filed first. Most men don't leave. It's incredible the shit men tolerate to keep a marriage and family together, and I did it for 2 decades. Statistics show that 70-80% of divorces are filed by the woman so when a man files you know it's a real shithole marriage. None of that matters though the real issue is why we stay and tolerate it for so long. Live and learn! Life goes on! |
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Post by Chatter Fox on Nov 30, 2016 11:14:38 GMT -5
This place! He'd shit a brick if he knew all the stuff I talk about on here. My wife found me on EP. She read all kinds of angry posts that I had put on there during my angry phase. In all honesty, it was stuff I should have expressed to her but couldn't find the courage to say. She may or may not have shit a brick.  I'm not sure. If she did, she did not share that info with me.  It certainly felt like it was the end of the world when she found me there and read all of that stuff. The world did not end though. It's still spinning and I'm still here. Still married and still alive. I'm still sharing things on here and she probably knows. Any bricks that were shit are in the past. Any future bricks will not have a tremendous effect either. She got to hear how I really felt and that's really not all that terrible in the grand scheme of things. So, my story has two points 1.) Be careful on here and make sure you cover your tracks, don't get too complacent if you really want to keep this stuff to yourself 2.) If you slip up on number 1 and he finds this place and reads things that you'd rather him not read, don't sweat it too much. He probably should hear all of those things anyway. What's the worst thing he can do? Stop having sex with you? Divorce you? Chances are, if you're here, he's already withholding sex and you'd probably welcome a divorce that he initiates since it'd make your decision making much easier. Right? |
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 30, 2016 11:46:52 GMT -5
Don't forget the fucking fairy dust! One thing i dislike is pretending things are fine to keep up the social status. BS. She would be horrified if you told them the 'truth'. Actually, she's already horrified that I've told other friends of mine. If she knew that I'd talked to our ministers about this many months ago, she'd never set foot in that church again. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 30, 2016 12:21:25 GMT -5
Actually, she's already horrified that I've told other friends of mine. If she knew that I'd talked to our ministers about this many months ago, she'd never set foot in that church again. Sorry, have to giggle some. But, yes, I'm sure would be horrified that you shared it. I've shared with my docs. A bit embarrassing.... but, its life. Well, i count them both as friends (both younger than us, married, drink and go to shows with me). But they'd noticed a while ago that while they see me at events outside church all the time, they've only seen her out once or twice. And though we haven't really talked about it in a while, I'm pretty sure they can tell I'm still suffering. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2016 14:04:37 GMT -5
The secret I don't share with my wife is how much fun I have dancing. She knows I go out dancing with friends(I tell her, and also invite her and she always declines). It is pretty much innocent, but last week something happened accidentally. I was doing a 2 step and stepped into the girl going to do a 360 (a spinning full turn locked together). But lo and behold I surprised her when I stepped in and my right breast firmly pressed against her right breast and has I whipped her around, her boobs gloriously slid in full contact all the way across my chest until her left breast slid away and off my left breast. More action than my last 3 years of marriage. Of course 3 things happened; Loss of mental focus(could not think to lead another move), Instant hard-on, and How can I lead that move again!!
I do know some dirty dance moves, but that was the beat one ever.
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I'm not sure. If she did, she did not share that info with me. 
It certainly felt like it was the end of the world when she found me there and read all of that stuff. The world did not end though. It's still spinning and I'm still here. Still married and still alive. I'm still sharing things on here and she probably knows. Any bricks that were shit are in the past. Any future bricks will not have a tremendous effect either. She got to hear how I really felt and that's really not all that terrible in the grand scheme of things.
