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Post by JonDoe on Dec 26, 2016 11:19:19 GMT -5
My youngest said the following to his mother a few months before heading off to college this year....
"I never see you and Dad hug or kiss, but I see my friends parents hugging and kissing all the time. Yeah, that's kinda gross to see your parents make out, but it's so important to show affection to your spouse. You always put us first Mom, which I appreciate and all, but I hope you learn to reconnect with Dad while we are both away at college. I don't want to see you guys get divorced."
I'm so proud of him!
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Post by shamwow on Dec 26, 2016 11:44:51 GMT -5
Sounds like your kid has a good head on his shoulders.
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Post by thefullmoon on Dec 26, 2016 12:43:55 GMT -5
Holy hell. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. I read your comment and then thought about getting sex on my own anniversary and then made the connection. Of course, I don't really care as it just marks another year of my wasted affections, but I must maintain the high ground and have some sort of gift for the lady of the house so the kids can see. Yeah, anniversaries are the worst. I do the same - maintain the facade for the sake of appearances. She does the same. Absolutely no feeling behind it for either of us. Why do you carry on? |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 26, 2016 12:53:27 GMT -5
Yeah, anniversaries are the worst. I do the same - maintain the facade for the sake of appearances. She does the same. Absolutely no feeling behind it for either of us. Why do you carry on? No kidding. Sometimes feel like a prisoner doing a life sentence marking off another year on the wall of my cell. The difference is that I am the one with the key. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Dec 26, 2016 13:01:18 GMT -5
My youngest said the following to his mother a few months before heading off to college this year.... " I never see you and Dad hug or kiss, but I see my friends parents hugging and kissing all the time. Yeah, that's kinda gross to see your parents make out, but it's so important to show affection to your spouse. You always put us first Mom, which I appreciate and all, but I hope you learn to reconnect with Dad while we are both away at college. I don't want to see you guys get divorced."
I'm so proud of him! He is an innocent soul! Just doesn't have an idea tha something can be broken far beyond repair andon many cases a divorce is the only solution.... |
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Post by csl on Dec 26, 2016 14:13:22 GMT -5
My youngest said the following to his mother a few months before heading off to college this year.... " I never see you and Dad hug or kiss, but I see my friends parents hugging and kissing all the time. Yeah, that's kinda gross to see your parents make out, but it's so important to show affection to your spouse. You always put us first Mom, which I appreciate and all, but I hope you learn to reconnect with Dad while we are both away at college. I don't want to see you guys get divorced."
I'm so proud of him! At least he won't be take by surprise? |
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Post by csl on Dec 26, 2016 14:19:49 GMT -5
Yeah, anniversaries are the worst. I do the same - maintain the facade for the sake of appearances. She does the same. Absolutely no feeling behind it for either of us. Why do you carry on? Bingo! My personal hero is the guy who crashed through his jailer's facade with just one line. She was busy planning a family vacation to a beautiful garden spot, and she started waxing poetic, noticing that their anniversary would coincide with their vacation. She asked, "Wouldn't it be wonder to renew our vows there?" Hero said, "What makes you think we have anything to celebrate?" Yes, WWIII broke out, but she knew that the boy was unhappy in his marriage. In one of my posts, I recommend asking the rufuser, "Are you happy in our marriage?" And if the answer is yes, then saying something along the lines of, "Well, that makes one of us." In case you haven't gathered as much, I am all in favor of blowing up logjams. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 27, 2016 17:23:45 GMT -5
Bingo! My personal hero is the guy who crashed through his jailer's facade with just one line. She was busy planning a family vacation to a beautiful garden spot, and she started waxing poetic, noticing that their anniversary would coincide with their vacation. She asked, "Wouldn't it be wonder to renew our vows there?" Hero said, "What makes you think we have anything to celebrate?" Yes, WWIII broke out, but she knew that the boy was unhappy in his marriage. In one of my posts, I recommend asking the rufuser, "Are you happy in our marriage?" And if the answer is yes, then saying something along the lines of, "Well, that makes one of us." In case you haven't gathered as much, I am all in favor of blowing up logjams. I've asked her that actually, a couple of times. She won't answer. Still. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 27, 2016 17:36:09 GMT -5
cagedtiger - This speaks of shame in some way to me. I identify with "unable to say" if that's what she is feeling. When I was first unhappy in my marriage, I couldn't (or wouldn't) say it out loud because I had not really admitted it to myself. I thought it meant there was something wrong in ME, that I was just too broken to know happiness when I have it. I am spitballing here, entirely projecting - but I wonder if she thinks this should be enough and unsure why it doesn't make me happy when all the "surface" things I thought would make me happy ARE in place? Your W needs a shit-ton of counseling if you ask me (well - you didn't ask, but I still think so). And I don't believe it will be an easy adjustment for her even IF she wanted to change. So - based on the premise that she doesn't think there IS anything wrong - I hope you have started browsing for the lawyer by now?
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Post by iceman on Dec 28, 2016 21:04:03 GMT -5
Yeah, anniversaries are the worst. I do the same - maintain the facade for the sake of appearances. She does the same. Absolutely no feeling behind it for either of us. On our fifth wedding anniversary, I put a lot of effort into it. Even went as far as to do a gift each day for the five days prior as I'm military and have been on deployments over several of our previous anniversaries so I thought making up for missed dates would be a nice touch. I put a lot of thought and made each gift for each of the five years mean something special to us, ending with a great five year gift for her on our anniversary date. She didn't even as much as give me a card, let alone anniversary sex. And I could really care less about getting a card, but she's stated that her main "love language" was receiving gifts. Apparently the gifts I was giving were speaking Swahili and she only understood Eskimo What about your love language?? She obviously doesn't care about that!! |
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Post by iceman on Dec 28, 2016 21:18:39 GMT -5
Yeah, anniversaries are the worst. I do the same - maintain the facade for the sake of appearances. She does the same. Absolutely no feeling behind it for either of us. Why do you carry on? Wish I had a good answer to that .... inertia, lack of testicular fortitude, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, hope, kids, money ... take your pick. It really fucks up my brain. |
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Post by ggold on Dec 28, 2016 22:34:25 GMT -5
Wish I had a good answer to that .... inertia, lack of testicular fortitude, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, hope, kids, money ... take your pick. It really fucks up my brain. As it does to many of us. You are not alone! |
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Post by csl on Dec 29, 2016 13:30:40 GMT -5
In one of my posts, I recommend asking the rufuser, "Are you happy in our marriage?" And if the answer is yes, then saying something along the lines of, "Well, that makes one of us." In case you haven't gathered as much, I am all in favor of blowing up logjams. I've asked her that actually, a couple of times. She won't answer. Still. If you're still going to counseling, that might be a good place to ask it. Especially with a third party in the room. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 29, 2016 14:04:43 GMT -5
I've asked her that actually, a couple of times. She won't answer. Still. If you're still going to counseling, that might be a good place to ask it. Especially with a third party in the room. If we make it to our next couples counseling session, I'll bring it up. If we make it- it's still two weeks away. |
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 30, 2016 3:30:49 GMT -5
Birthday sex? Holiday sex? WTF are you all talking about? There is NO sex happening. Could count the number of times on one hand over the last 4 years. I can count the number of times over the past eight years for me........I just take my right hand, shape my thumb and fingers into a big ZERO, then take that shape, stuff my cock into it and do what I have had to do hundreds of times since the last (and definitely final) time in aught-eight. That's okay. I've got a new life starting up soon where my hands will be put to much better use. Boy oh boy, have I ever learned a lot about human psychology over the last decade. |
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