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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 22, 2016 11:29:40 GMT -5
Boy, if she had ever found me, or seen me doing it next to her, or if had we talked about what I do alone---I can only imagine her angry, indignant, oh-my-gosh-what-kind-of-monster-are-you reaction. In hindsight, I firmly believe I should have pushed that button and started that conversation. Why do I accept her stigmatization of our sexuality?  Bro, that really suck ass. I don't really try to hide it from the wife. If I was caught I can guarantee that she would dislike the conversation that unfolded far more than I would. Let's face the true facts here. 1. I married a person who I find sexually attractive. 2. I liked having sex. 3. The spouse above doesn't want to have sex with me. 4. She lost the right to complain about me pleasuring myself. This situation bugs the crap out of me. Refusing spouses should never complain about sex. They are the ones falling down in the job. I mean, I still go to work everyday and I don't ignore my responsibilities. OH MY GOD! I don't get it! The thought and the sight of a man pleasuring himself is so incredibly hot, especially if I get to participate! |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 22, 2016 12:00:37 GMT -5
Hub leaves me alone every night while he goes out to the living room to watch his history videos. Lelo and I have a pleasurable time together. Afterward, I wrap her up in a paper towel and zip her back into her little cosmetic bag and drop it beside the bed to be cleaned up in the morning. I know he knows what is in the bag. I don't hide it. I wish I would have had the idea and the courage to do things like this when I was living with my wife. Like, I should have done this right next to her at night as we were falling asleep. Unfortunately, sex was such a shameful topic, and I was already such a "bad" person for bringing it up "all the time" that I embarrassingly hid what I did to relieve the tension. Boy, if she had ever found me, or seen me doing it next to her, or if had we talked about what I do alone---I can only imagine her angry, indignant, oh-my-gosh-what-kind-of-monster-are-you reaction. In hindsight, I firmly believe I should have pushed that button and started that conversation. Why do I accept her stigmatization of our sexuality? I disagree. Shock treatment would only have her digging in her heels even deeper, if that is possible. She was very sexually repressed. Demonstrating that you are some sort of "pervert" would have accomplished... What? Violently rocking an obviously sinking boat is counterproductive. In the case where the boat is sinking but you don't even understand why, the only rational solution is to abandon ship while the lifeboats are still functional. |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 22, 2016 12:24:28 GMT -5
You're absolutely right, Dan. An ultimatum may have a crushing effect on your spouse and your marriage. ... .... It is not for the sake of the marriage. It is for the sake of you. YOU are at the point where YOU are unable to continue, and YOU have unilaterally decided to end it unless some significant, concrete, and immediate change is seen. Now. Well said! One roll I see for the ultimatum is this: presuming things are not actually fixable, but you deliver a clear "ultimatum", then when it is time for The Talk™, at least you know you've been clear that you were clear about your needs, and clear about the pending consequences. In other words, it might not help the marriage, but might give you a slightly clearer conscience about the divorce. (And as divorce-averse as those of us enduring SMs seem to be, every little bit helps!) I have mixed feelings about ultimatums. Well, not really. Actually, I think they're crap. On one hand, it might evoke a change on their part. Maybe they're just so goddamn thick-headed that they refuse to take your complaints seriously until you're on the brink of a nuclear launch. Maybe they really will snap to consciousness and realize how they've been neglecting you. And maybe pigs will fly. Seriously... do you really want to *invest* your *life* with someone who has to be threatened to provide what you need? They've shown you who they are, and it's not the person you want to be with. How could you ever trust that their emotions are genuine if you've told them "You must act like this or suffer destruction"? Or are you deluding yourself that they've changed, but in reality you've only procrastinated? Only to repeat the scenario in another 5, 10 years when your "survivability" from going nuclear is even lower? Ultimatums are a game for nation states. They can't escape each other - they have to flex muscle, play chicken, overcome the current conflict, and possibly repeat the cycle again in the future. But us... we have the option of creating distance from the problem. I think the most they deserve is a clear warning: "If we stay this course, here's where it leads". Facts, not threats. |
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Post by solodriver on Oct 22, 2016 12:24:33 GMT -5
Bro, that really suck ass. I don't really try to hide it from the wife. If I was caught I can guarantee that she would dislike the conversation that unfolded far more than I would. Let's face the true facts here. 1. I married a person who I find sexually attractive. 2. I liked having sex. 3. The spouse above doesn't want to have sex with me. 4. She lost the right to complain about me pleasuring myself. This situation bugs the crap out of me. Refusing spouses should never complain about sex. They are the ones falling down in the job. I mean, I still go to work everyday and I don't ignore my responsibilities. OH MY GOD! I don't get it! The thought and the sight of a man pleasuring himself is so incredibly hot, especially if I get to participate! My wife used to enjoy watching me pleasuring and even encouraged me by whispering in my ear while watching. Now she finds it totally disgusting and never wants to do that again.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 22, 2016 12:34:41 GMT -5
I'm thinking of changing my name to "Lelo". Done. I'd like to be Lelo's brother. You always need a backup. 
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 22, 2016 12:35:10 GMT -5
OH MY GOD! I don't get it! The thought and the sight of a man pleasuring himself is so incredibly hot, especially if I get to participate! And vice versa! Ashamed much, dude? I dunno - maybe it's a self-confidence thing. Maybe it's prudishness. I suspect some (like W) are simply ashamed to be sexual. Or embarrassed that they aren't, and that it does nothing for them. |
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Post by solodriver on Oct 22, 2016 12:42:11 GMT -5
Hub leaves me alone every night while he goes out to the living room to watch his history videos. Lelo and I have a pleasurable time together. Afterward, I wrap her up in a paper towel and zip her back into her little cosmetic bag and drop it beside the bed to be cleaned up in the morning. I know he knows what is in the bag. I don't hide it. The thought of that gives me wonderful images to contemplate!
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Post by csl on Oct 22, 2016 12:49:09 GMT -5
Hub leaves me alone every night while he goes out to the living room to watch his history videos. Lelo and I have a pleasurable time together. Afterward, I wrap her up in a paper towel and zip her back into her little cosmetic bag and drop it beside the bed to be cleaned up in the morning. I know he knows what is in the bag. I don't hide it. I wish I would have had the idea and the courage to do things like this when I was living with my wife. Like, I should have done this right next to her at night as we were falling asleep. Unfortunately, sex was such a shameful topic, and I was already such a "bad" person for bringing it up "all the time" that I embarrassingly hid what I did to relieve the tension. Boy, if she had ever found me, or seen me doing it next to her, or if had we talked about what I do alone---I can only imagine her angry, indignant, oh-my-gosh-what-kind-of-monster-are-you reaction. In hindsight, I firmly believe I should have pushed that button and started that conversation. Why do I accept her stigmatization of our sexuality? One statement that I frequently make on my blog is this: as long as the situation is tolerable, you will tolerate it. It's only when it becomes intolerable that you won't tolerate it any longer. Making an ultimatum you don't intend to keep means that your situations is still tolerable. |
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Post by solodriver on Oct 22, 2016 12:52:44 GMT -5
@phinheasgage : "I agree with scheduling sex. It sounds contrived and vanilla but I tell you I start getting little tingles in my loins on Friday night in anticipation of Saturday afternoon. Of course, we both want to. With a spouse who would rather not, they'll see it as one more thing on their to do list." Or they will happen to have an upset stomach, a sinus headache, etc. Or a pet will want attention. Or they will bustle around doing 100 stupid unnecessary chores for 30 minutes while you wait in the bedroom. AMEN Sister Smartkat, preach it honey!
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Post by Dan on Oct 22, 2016 12:53:01 GMT -5
... Lelo and I have a pleasurable time together... I'm thinking of changing my name to "Lelo". I'd like to be Lelo's brother. You always need a backup. The have lots of models, each with a distinct name: www.lelo.com/ Pick a name, and we will be brothers in arms! Or, erm... well, if we are lucky, brothers in certain lady parts... |
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Post by solodriver on Oct 22, 2016 12:55:47 GMT -5
I'm thinking of changing my name to "Lelo". I'd like to be Lelo's brother. You always need a backup. The have lots of models, each with a distinct name: www.lelo.com/ Pick a name, and we will be brothers in arms! Or, erm... well, if we are lucky, brothers in certain lady parts... OK I will be NEA2
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Post by ggold on Oct 22, 2016 13:00:14 GMT -5
Hub leaves me alone every night while he goes out to the living room to watch his history videos. Lelo and I have a pleasurable time together. Afterward, I wrap her up in a paper towel and zip her back into her little cosmetic bag and drop it beside the bed to be cleaned up in the morning. I know he knows what is in the bag. I don't hide it. My sister-in-law ordered me my toy and had it sent to me. During one of my conversations with him (I was drinking), I asked him, "DO you REALIZE I FUCK TOYS??!!!" He responded that he thought so because he saw me talking to my sister-in-law. End of conversation. |
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Post by ggold on Oct 22, 2016 13:01:15 GMT -5
Bro, that really suck ass. I don't really try to hide it from the wife. If I was caught I can guarantee that she would dislike the conversation that unfolded far more than I would. Let's face the true facts here. 1. I married a person who I find sexually attractive. 2. I liked having sex. 3. The spouse above doesn't want to have sex with me. 4. She lost the right to complain about me pleasuring myself. This situation bugs the crap out of me. Refusing spouses should never complain about sex. They are the ones falling down in the job. I mean, I still go to work everyday and I don't ignore my responsibilities. OH MY GOD! I don't get it! The thought and the sight of a man pleasuring himself is so incredibly hot, especially if I get to participate! I TOTALLY agree!!!! I get very turned on by ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!! |
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Post by solodriver on Oct 22, 2016 13:14:04 GMT -5
I love how we can take something very sad and turn it into something very fun
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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 22, 2016 13:15:08 GMT -5
OH MY GOD! I don't get it! The thought and the sight of a man pleasuring himself is so incredibly hot, especially if I get to participate! My wife used to enjoy watching me pleasuring and even encouraged me by whispering in my ear while watching. Now she finds it totally disgusting and never wants to do that again.
Um, I'm sorry but maybe something or someone else is going on with her? |
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