Nowhere To Go For Answers

Often times, the paralysis isn't due to blood flow.  There is a paraplegic I heard stories of from my nurse friend and he has a female partner who is able to use his hard on for her satisfaction and pleasure.  I still don't understand how it can work, and I'm sure that not all paralyzed patients pursue finding out - - it depends on what all you have going on in life, I'm sure - - apparently already married when car accident or whatever... and I'm pretty sure it isn't the kind of sex life that would be MY preference but somehow, with love, they overcame the challenge.  I'm not saying that she got pregnant, but there's apparently "some there" there.

Maybe I'm just an incurable romantic but yes I really do think that God forbid were erections out of the question, I'd still have my face buried between her legs every chance I got. Because it's fun. People take this shit way too seriously.

@phinheasgage - you give me so much hope for the future!

I. Love. This!

My sense in reading this thread is that you don't believe there are any new realizations for you to hear about. If that's what you believe, then it's your truth and no one here is in any position to tell you otherwise.

The other possibility is that you believe there are new realizations, but you're angry because you're not finding them here. That's also your truth and no one here is in any position to tell you otherwise, but if you're not finding them here, then I'm wondering why you return if you're not getting what you need from those who have gone to the effort to meet you halfway on this.

I don't expect an answer from you and am not trying to provoke you. Just suggesting it's something you might want to ponder internally.

Edited: I almost posted about my experience with aromatase inhibitors (anastrozole) but there wasn't any way to talk about it without suggesting that my experience was more valid than yours. But maybe I've been too harsh, so I'm going to try. I definitely lost my physical ability to have intercourse, and my physical desire was muted. Emotionally, I desired desire, if that makes any sense.

Perhaps the desire for desire is what brings you here? If that's so, then I hope you can find a way to keep that small spark alive inside you, and that there's enough warmth there to keep your marriage alive as well.

Thank you, grantgeek. I guess I mostly get hung up on everyone saying it's such a need -- a "normal, basic, natural" need for EVERYONE, then why don't I feel it? Am I not normal? I mean, what's the point for me then? Apparently every other aspect of my being is of no consequence for my husband. Almost all of the posts indicate that they can think of nothing else but the lack of sex in their relationships. The only time I think about it is when I'm thinking WHY am I NOT thinking about it?

The amount of the need varies by person.  I get that.
From my story - your description of you has a lot in common with my Ex, see, and so a lot of what you've said makes me want to share what "I think he did wrong" and to see if you do find any echoes that may be helpful for you to suss out.  Thing is - you don't have to tell me if you agree or not (that is not my actual business).
For my Ex - he got diabetes.  This was preceded with some ED but the ED was due to the diabetes (before he knew, before he was diagnosed).  He did get the pills to help but would shut down about communicating to use them.  The "if lasts 4 hours, call a doctor" part of the TV ad disclaimers scared him I think (I never heard that until like 8 years later).  Anyway - he has also always been a fearful sort.  For a grown man, that's a shame source to admit it - so he didn't, he didn't really admit it even to me - but he lives life scared (scared of poverty and scared of losing face are his two main things).  He also had a pretty high vanity thing going and, as he was (is) 17 years my senior, when he saw himself aging more quickly than me...well, seemingly on the surface...he didn't handle that part that well.
These are just the backdrop details - - all that was true when my deal was not quite YET a truly sexless status.
THEN he got prostate cancer.  That scared the hell out of him.  He basically withdrew and I was no longer on his team, so to speak.  He would have his daughter attend doctor visits with us at first.  She is smart, capable, very caring.  I don't know where she gets her emotional maturity from, but it's not from her father.  Anyway - any time that we thought the doc would have potentially bad news, she would come along with us.  Eventually, the gravest steps were over.  He had no prostate gland anymore, no testosterone in his system (suppressed), and got "new tattoos" for aligning the radiation beams - - none of which he really allowed me to emotionally support him through.  HE just dealt with and I was to bring him water, bring him meds, mop the floors and clean house but don't share opinions and he cooked all the dinners so shut me out of helping with that too - I was to clean up after him and basically keep to myself.
After the initial "thank god he didn't die" phase got less intense, it still didn't bother me for a while about this new distance between us.  I kept thinking it would pass and he would someday wake up the old hippy laid-back dude he had been before.  That never happened.  He became King of the World.  I was a scullery maid or some such.  (I would have rather had the role of wench - but didn't object because any time I spoke, I ended up more diminished by his interrupting me, judging me, belittling me.  I basically quit speaking opinion and we only operated on household logistics)
One spring, I strongly felt my spirit rebel.  I wanted intimacy, sex - JUST PLAIN KINDNESS.  I was very upset by this sudden sensitivity.  I had not noticed all the backward sliding as it had taken place, not really.  And so when my eyes opened to the treatment I was tolerating - I barely recognized my "self" in this situation.  How did I let it get SO bad?
I thought sex was the issue.  As it turned out, it was the UNILATERAL enforcement of celibacy that was a single clue.  HE decided, implemented, etc - I had no input except once (maybe) at the very beginning (when I didn't know that it would become so bad).  Back at the beginning, all other levels/layers of connection had been strong and so when asked if I could live without actual insertion, I would have answered yes.  But then as the years progressed, all other layers eroded.  And then - I couldn't live with the lack of KINDNESS.  And I had to go.
So - I hope you are right in the assessment that everything else is good & healthy in your marriage.  I hope that hubby agrees with it.  Just don't take it for granted it will remain that way because it does take actual cultivation - weekly "meetings" or date nights or Friday cuddling or something.  It is supposed to.  Like any garden, if a relationship is untended, the weeds come in far quicker than you think.
Sorry such a long write up!  I hope you will consider some individual therapy.  You said early that you don't have any sex hangups that would need counseling or whatever - and that's maybe true (I mean - it's not a "hang up" per se) but I think you guys could benefit from some sort of outsider helping to be a relationship coach so that you two can openly agree on what works and what doesn't.
Try your best not to do any major breaks, changes, developments UNILATERALLY - that is the biggest nugget I can suggest.
Good luck, loving lady!