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Post by ted on Jun 29, 2018 22:45:40 GMT -5
I'm pleased you found that useful. It's encouraging you said so, thank you.
Good job, dad! I know exactly what you're feeling. Isn't it great to see your own little family develop? I vividly remember the moment it hit me that my four kids and I were a legitimate family unit, all on our own. In fact, I took a picture right then and there, and now have it hanging on the wall (thanks to a friend).
I continue to have the most success by moving beyond the past, beyond her, and living a new life.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 3, 2018 7:09:58 GMT -5
Yesterday I was speaking with my attorney, and I was telling her how things where going. I mentioned how my daughter had a fight (verbal disagreement) with her mom and called me in tears and wanted me to come get her and stay with me. I was there in minutes and brought her to my home.
This happened two days before our scheduled time to switch the teens. Now there is another holiday (4th of July) my other daughter has asked me,"I don't want to go back to Mom's house, can I just stay with you?"
My attorney,(speaking and thinking like an attorney) tells me," you will probably end up receiving full custody of all the kids".
My mind instantly thinks, "I hope it doesn't go that far!".
Then again, I have to remember how 'far' things went during the divorce!
I've been doing my researching leading up to this. I am aware of what could happen. I am having to choose, weather I want to be a popular parent or a good parent. Then their will be the times when my teens will play the parents to see who can give them the most things, who will allow them more phone time, less chores, etc....
When my daughter came to me all upset, I definitely wanted and needed to know more about it. The hard part is "not demoralizing" the other parent, while knowing my daughter will be 16 soon and acted more like an adult than her mom did.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 3, 2018 8:27:56 GMT -5
Good parent is always the right choice.
My niece just turned 18 and graduated from high school.
She doesn’t want to go back and forth anymore and has chosen to live with her father. Her relationship with her mother has always been like oil and water.
There were times when my kids wanted to stay with me and not go to their dad - it’s heartbreaking at many different levels.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 3, 2018 8:55:10 GMT -5
bballgirl , It may be far too early to tell, but I see the same things happening with my daughters and sons, wanting to stay with me after they graduate. It's only been a short time so my stance that "things are going great when the kids are at my house" needs at least a year to see how true it is. But , meanwhile this first 2 months has been quite telling, from the feedback I receive from my 3 teens! A lot of people who know all about my divorce are smiling and telling me, "I'm not surprised at all, you two are definitely going to offer a different life for those kids". Then they ask, " isn't that what you wanted?". Yes and no. I wanted a peaceful separation. I can only control what goes on at my home now on my time. I did tell my daughter, for the 4th of July, " I think you should go back to your mom's house. It's for a day, after that it's quite a while until another holiday. Then you will have your whole week here." It would have been just as easy to say, " sure if you want to stay here, you can always do that". She doesn't like the loud noises from fireworks, she's not interested in seeing them or hearing them. What does their mom have planned? taking her to see the fireworks.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 6, 2018 18:11:03 GMT -5
Let me start by saying " thank you for being here and reading this!"
My middle son was diagnosed with bipolar this weekend. The issue is not my son but it comes back to control and money.
My ex is making health related decisions for the children and is making zero effort to communicate and cooperate with me. This is totally against our parenting plan.
The part she does know and remember is later sending me half the bill! I am refusing to pay it, just more control and manipulation by attempting to nickel and dime me to death. It's the principle of not involving me in these important decisions.
Please do not think the health and welfare of my child is not a top priority. IT IS! and I will gladly do my part, when she learns to communicate and cooperate. ( if ever) I have just as much right to have a voice in this as she does. When the tables are turned I will immediately include her and inform her in the decision making regarding the health, medical, psychological or psychiatric care of our children.
Somehow I don't believe my story is the only one like this,and my heart goes out to others of you that will endure such things in the future. I am choosing to not be railroaded, disrespected, and taken advantage of anymore.
I have a voice and it will be heard!
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Post by workingonit on Aug 6, 2018 21:31:37 GMT -5
Oh greatcoastal I am so sorry! I have no insight but you have my support, my prayers, and my belief that you are a wonderful father. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 7, 2018 7:46:49 GMT -5
GC,
Wishing you the best with your son. I see it as a blessing that he has been diagnosed so young. I have several friends who are bipolar. Their disease is managed well with medication and therapy. They are living fulfilling, productive lives. Most are in long term marriages. They include people with a law degree, social work degree, engineering degree, and careers as social workers, web designer, actor, journalist and marketer. What allowed them to succeed was diagnosis, treatment and having the wisdom to seek professional help when they or their trusted loved ones noticed signs of illness.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 7, 2018 9:06:45 GMT -5
GC, Wishing you the best with your son. I see it as a blessing that he has been diagnosed so young. I have several friends who are bipolar. Their disease is managed well with medication and therapy. They are living fulfilling, productive lives. Most are in long term marriages. They include people with a law degree, social work degree, engineering degree, and careers as social workers, web designer, actor, journalist and marketer. What allowed them to succeed was diagnosis, treatment and having the wisdom to seek professional help when they or their trusted loved ones noticed signs of illness. That's very encouraging to hear! My mother was bipolar and her medication sedated her so much she was a very depressed person to be around. Unfortunately this was 40 yrs ago, hopefully medications have improved. My son has always been an aggressive overachiever all in a very positive way. The day I met him in China he was 10 yrs. old. We asked the interpreter to ask him "what do you want to be when you grow up?" He said " I want to be a billionaire, I want to build and own my own amusement park". Pretty impressive for a 10 yr. old! He has lately gone overboard in a positive way, putting in overtime at work, joining the gym, working out 6 hrs. every day, with a personal trainer, learning kickboxing, playing tennis, college classes, and dating a foreign exchange student, while spending time with his friends! The boy could not sleep for days! Then he crashed and wants to quit H.S. and College. ( I'm hoping steroids where not involved. He said he felt like he was going through a second puberty at 17 yrs.old). I sound like a bragging mom, don't I? He's my own Bruce Lee, I just sit back in amazement and watch him get moved right up to varsity the moment he joins teams, basketball, wrestling, tennis, track,etc..... He hasn't been taking on so much activities before ,but after the divorce.....and after meeting a personal trainer...so there is much more work to be done. My concern is the same as his, being too sedated for someone who is used to being the best on the team |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 7, 2018 9:11:39 GMT -5
Psychtrophic meds have advanced a lot over the decades and psychiatrists are more knowledgeable when prescribing them.. The haven’t noticed any signs my friends’ meds oversedate them. The 6 hour workouts etc. your son was down jt sounds like he was manic then swung the other way.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 7, 2018 9:16:01 GMT -5
Another branch to this story is my ex decided on her own ,with no recommendation from any doctor, to take our daughters to see the child psychologist (who also did our marriage counselling and helped me through our divorce).
I spoke with the psychologist about our daughter, he told me " your daughter is upset with her mother and does not like being with her". Well, we all know that! The only one who won't except any blame is the manipulative controller, my ex.
There is no reason for my daughters to be seeing the psychologist except for him to confirm "yes your mother is a problem".
let her pay for it! I am not going to pay for her wanting to manipulate my daughters through the psychologist.
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Post by ted on Aug 7, 2018 9:42:07 GMT -5
I'm sorry you have to deal with a difficult co-parent, greatcoastal. I don't have much insight either, but you have my sympathy and willingness to listen to your story. Perhaps you can link the decision-making problem and the money-paying problems together. I'd give her a rule: I'll gladly pay half the cost of a doctor's visit that we discuss and agree upon in advance. I am not a lawyer, but that seems pretty reasonable if you ever get hauled before a judge. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 7, 2018 11:43:18 GMT -5
I'd give her a rule: I'll gladly pay half the cost of a doctor's visit that we discuss and agree upon in advance. I am not a lawyer, but that seems pretty reasonable if you ever get hauled before a judge. Fortunately that is the rule in our parenting plan, these things have to be agreed upon in advance. All part of our 50/50 joint custody. My ex continues to violate court orders. (something she got away with all during our divorce, it never made it before the judge- that and freud) This is where Our Family Wizard will help me when and if it goes back to court. Proof that there is nothing documented to show prior communication in advance. What does get documented is me pointing out to my ex her lack of communication and her doing whatever she pleases then giving me half the bill. |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2018 13:49:44 GMT -5
I'd give her a rule: I'll gladly pay half the cost of a doctor's visit that we discuss and agree upon in advance. I am not a lawyer, but that seems pretty reasonable if you ever get hauled before a judge. Fortunately that is the rule in our parenting plan, these things have to be agreed upon in advance. All part of our 50/50 joint custody. My ex continues to violate court orders. (something she got away with all during our divorce, it never made it before the judge- that and freud) This is where Our Family Wizard will help me when and if it goes back to court. Proof that there is nothing documented to show prior communication in advance. What does get documented is me pointing out to my ex her lack of communication and her doing whatever she pleases then giving me half the bill. She can give you half of the bill but it does not mean you have to pay it. Respond and document that the dr visit was not agreed upon in advance and you will not agree to paying for that. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 7, 2018 15:24:57 GMT -5
Fortunately that is the rule in our parenting plan, these things have to be agreed upon in advance. All part of our 50/50 joint custody. My ex continues to violate court orders. (something she got away with all during our divorce, it never made it before the judge- that and freud) This is where Our Family Wizard will help me when and if it goes back to court. Proof that there is nothing documented to show prior communication in advance. What does get documented is me pointing out to my ex her lack of communication and her doing whatever she pleases then giving me half the bill. She can give you half of the bill but it does not mean you have to pay it. Respond and document that the dr visit was not agreed upon in advance and you will not agree to paying for that. Thank you that's my take on it. However my son's treatment is necessary and,i will pay my half , but I demand a say in all future appointments. It's a very emotional event. I feel like I lost my 4th boy! (One moved away and the other two side with their mom. She has the money) I am so aware of being the victim. I try not to constantly sound like one. Who wants to be around that for very long? I don't like playing the victim card (I want it to be the past) then things keep happening and I need to talk about it. |
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