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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 25, 2016 11:59:11 GMT -5
Day 8 into the announcement. Short version: joint accounts are being closed and credit cards cancelled. Her alibi ? I am following the advice of my attorney. I doubt her attorney told her to leave me with so little that I can't buy a weekly supply of groceries for our family of nine, a replacement valve for the toilet, a school t shirt for my daughter, chlorine for the pool, and gas for the truck.
I have been reading articles from shrinks4men, all about narc. I had read an article about it months ago( ironically sent to my STBX by a relative, either about me or her sisters ex) and thought, " no, that's to strong, she's not that bad. " Amazing how accurate a description it is of what I have been dealing with. Also how well it explains these other stay at home, homeschooling moms that I want nothing to do with, and see me as a husband who needs bashing!
My radar was up. I noticed how we had over an hour to discuss this issue this morning. She waited till she was walking out the door to put everything her way, and tell me what I am supposed to do to fit her agenda. She was not pleased at me telling her " no" 3 times. Explaining to her that the card said" insufficient funds" the other day while I am standing at the grocery store with two children buying $377.00 of groceries. ( higher than normal, but not the highest it's ever been, it included a supply of back to school food,and a list from her daddy).
She held her ground, that the card is to be terminated and she would allow how much money is in the account. I simply reminded her, again, insufficient funding, for feeding nine people! I then told her, " You go to the grocery store from now on, you buy the toilet parts, you clean the pool!" She left, silent treatment!
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 25, 2016 13:21:36 GMT -5
Talk to your lawyer. She should not be able to close/cancel joint accounts on her own, that doesn't seem right. Good luck, sounds like this one's going to be tricky to leave.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 25, 2016 13:24:52 GMT -5
If she closed the account after she was served she can possibly be held in contempt of court. In my divorce, once I filed I was not allowed to change anything financial including where my paycheck goes and my ex was not allowed to change his once he was served. We both stayed on the joint account until the day of my divorce and after that I removed myself from that account.
It clearly stated it though in the court filing that neither of us could make changes by opening or closing accounts. You may need a forensic accountant/ attorney to wade through all of her bullshit.
If she is going to be difficult like that I'd fight fire with fire and I'd be damned if I'd go big grocery shopping especially for her dad.
Get in the habit of ordering takeout to make your life easier or go out with the kids.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 25, 2016 13:27:13 GMT -5
Surprise! Not.
Good thing you moved funds earlier, eh?
I hope your lawyer has already filed for an interim order of maintenance to get you around the cashflow crap.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 25, 2016 13:50:26 GMT -5
Following-up with another thought...
I think you are already doing this, but listen to your lawyer's advice. Don't soft-pedal his suggestions; if anything, empower him to be a hard-ass. We've seen several examples here where giving your STBX the benefit of the doubt will burn you.
Make sure your lawyer knows about these antics so he can make hay and/or intervene with her lawyer. If she's in contempt of court, you should let her suffer the consequences; don't ease up.
This is a good example of why to withhold the news until the papers are served. Because there's a window when they can turn our life upside down before the injunction takes effect. (Not that that's what happened here, but a word of warning.)
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 25, 2016 13:51:57 GMT -5
Surprise! Not. Good thing you moved funds earlier, eh? I hope your lawyer has already filed for an interim order of maintenance to get you around the cashflow crap. Exactly!! Have your attorney call an emergency hearing and a judge will order her to give you a fixed amount of money for the kids and yourself. My advice- think big as far as your needs down to your razors and expensive haircuts. |
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 25, 2016 14:05:30 GMT -5
This is why in 47 years of marriage we have not had joint checking, savings accounts or credit cards. Our cars are in our seperate names. The only jointly owned asset is the house.
As others have said, call your lawyer now.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 25, 2016 14:37:35 GMT -5
My lawyer is on the phone talking to hers right now. My lawyer wanted me to come in and sign some papers about collaborative law agreement. She did tell me that once I agreed to it, if I had to go before a judge she could not represent me, and that I would need to hire another attorney. Then when I told her that I didn't have enough money for groceries, she didn't want to discuss collaborative anymore!
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 25, 2016 14:48:35 GMT -5
Surprise! Not. Good thing you moved funds earlier, eh? I hope your lawyer has already filed for an interim order of maintenance to get you around the cashflow crap. Oh yes! She expects me to be using that money. Money from our savings to pay for everyday living expenses for nine? I also want to have that money available for attorney fees. Hopefully not touch it so it can be divided. I let her know, I am not spending it, and you need to provide enough for daily expenses from your weekly paycheck! Her response, I'm canceling the card like I told you. She has a narc way of showing no emotion during these events. I have to watch for her complete sidetracking of facts. |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 25, 2016 14:57:51 GMT -5
My lawyer is on the phone talking to hers right now. My lawyer wanted me to come in and sign some papers about collaborative law agreement. She did tell me that once I agreed to it, if I had to go before a judge she could not represent me, and that I would need to hire another attorney. Then when I told her that I didn't have enough money for groceries, she didn't want to discuss collaborative anymore! Fuck collaboration!! If she's going to be a bitch you be an asshole! I wouldn't say anything more to her other than talking about the kids. If she asks you anything the standard response should be: "your attorney can talk to my attorney". |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 25, 2016 15:56:20 GMT -5
Oh yes! She expects me to be using that money. Money from our savings to pay for everyday living expenses for nine? She's the breadwinner; she's on the hook for the monthly expenses. When narcissists pull this kind of crap during divorce, it just underscores that you made the right call by filing. I think once the papers are filed that financial separation may mean that money you spend out of your funds don't get refreshed at asset split, but that's one to discuss with your lawyer. (I.e., paying monthly expenses from savings may screw you, so don't do it without advice.) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 25, 2016 16:21:49 GMT -5
Heard back from my attorney. It's a little late n the day. People can't be reached, will know more tomorrow. Agh...patients is a virtue! There will be a lot of avoidance tonight. Fortunately it's open house at school tonight. My lawyer says she still likes the thought of collaboration since she has worked with the other female attorney many times and finds her to be fair and just, then came the warning of me not rushing in but knowing fully what the pros and cons are.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2016 19:12:31 GMT -5
I see her game. Cut you off from all the money so she can afford a legal battle and you can't. Which means too that she'll have all the leverage in a so called collaboration. Collaborate my way or else. Man you gotta get your lawyer to stop this yesterday. Ok stating the obvious. But this is what I feared for you from your past stories, which indicated your wife is a control freak who is also very shrewd with money. Well she's taking control and she's taking the money. Tomorrow is Friday. I hope your lawyer works tomorrow.
Ok this post was no help, just get your lawyer on the phone ASAP.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2016 19:34:59 GMT -5
Bballgirl already brought this up, but I want to reiterate - when you begin divorce proceedings, a restraining order goes into effect that prevents either of you from making large transactions (it also prevents you from leaving the state with your children). My ex tried to sell off a bunch of stocks and I was able to prevent it simply by telling my attorney what he wanted to do. She was able to put a stop to it very simply. It is against the law for your wife to close accounts or move money around or even buy anything expensive. Period.
Next on your list of things to discuss with your lawyer tomorrow is getting temporary support orders set up as quickly as possible. She will need to file a motion right away - I have no idea how long it will take to get a court date in your state. Out here it takes freaking forever - I got lucky and got one in six weeks.
Also, a judge will award you attorney's fees because you have a right to appropriate representation. You might have to load up a credit card for the moment, but you can get that money back. Please tell me that you have credit cards in your own name. If not, get one tomorrow before there is any record of the divorce on the books. Seriously, you need a way to pay for things until the court can catch up with the situation.
Hang in there. I've been down this road (technically, I'm still on this road!) and you will get through it. Judges do not look kindly on this type of behavior, particularly when children are involved. I'm afraid you are in for a fight - take care of yourself physically - eat right, exercise, try to get some sleep. You're going to need every ounce of energy you can summon. Also keep in mind that the worst time emotionally is the first 24 hours after one of these events. By this time tomorrow, you will have a plan and you'll feel more calm. I've been through this over and over again and I promise you, you will survive
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2016 19:42:35 GMT -5
And one more thing - your wife and my ex should get together. They deserve each other.
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