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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 25, 2016 21:15:51 GMT -5
I see her game. Cut you off from all the money so she can afford a legal battle and you can't. Which means too that she'll have all the leverage in a so called collaboration. Collaborate my way or else. Man you gotta get your lawyer to stop this yesterday. Ok stating the obvious. But this is what I feared for you from your past stories, which indicated your wife is a control freak who is also very shrewd with money. Well she's taking control and she's taking the money. Tomorrow is Friday. I hope your lawyer works tomorrow. Ok this post was no help, just get your lawyer on the phone ASAP. Getting back up and support is always helpful! I meet with my attorney in the morning. Ironically mrs perfect mom come home and was in her pajamas on the couch when she should have been at our sons H.S. Open house supporting him, and meeting his teachers. Meanwhile at the same time I was at the Middle school open house meeting my daughters teachers. Since I had much to share with my daughter, my wife left the kitchen and I helped her finish her algebra. A conformation of ,"your spouse is wrong, you are doing the right thing, stay the course "is like gold! Thanks! |
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Post by baza on Aug 25, 2016 21:28:33 GMT -5
The water is too muddy here to offer you any suggestions Brother GC.
I have plenty of ideas but they may be illegal, or too unethical for you to consider.
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I will confine myself to offering empathy, and offering you an ear any time you might want it.
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Stick with your plan, these muddy waters will clear.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 26, 2016 12:36:42 GMT -5
Just came back from seeing my attorney. My STBX ACTIONS, ACTIONS, not words,( very important) were a contempt of court. She will be sent a notice of subpoena for a mandatory disclosure of all our financial records. An fixed amount will be set and put in place before any kind of agreement for collaboration. My STBX attorney says she really wants that. My attorney informed hers that I am highly skeptical. I have been asked to communicate more towards reaching an agreement. My first response was her manipulation and control when communicating. There is going to have to be a very large showing of humility, and respect before the wall comes down in the slightest. She shot herself in the foot.
I am not buying groceries any more. From now on any thing involving money will get the answer, " go ask your mother." I am also bringing up the trust factor with her father present in the house. A strong deterrent toward any collaboration reaching a peaceful agreement. As long as she continues to contact him and do things with him without my knowledge, involving children and money, there is too much at stake to trust the two of them and the rest of her family. He may be leaving sooner than he realizes.
I brought up concerns of future payment to our therapist for counceling with me and the children, after her actions. Also her payment of a forensic accountant, after her actions.
It's going to be an interesting weekend!
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 26, 2016 13:10:25 GMT -5
greatcoastal, good for you! Don't ease up on those hammers. She has demonstrated that she will disregard a court order to serve her own interests, so don't give her an inch of leeway. Zero tolerance. I don't see how family law judges don't go ape seeing this kind of crap pulled time and again. You will hope to find one who has no patience for this cheating mindset. Not only should she be held in contempt (a couple days in jail would be a worthy kick in the ass), but you should ask to have the accounts reinstated. I'd be curious to hear what your lawyer says the typical consequence is for her actions. Certainly, forcing disclosure of accounts is a good call; it would be just for her to bear the expense of a forensic accountant. (Personal experience here with an individual ignoring a court order to disclose all financial accounts.) And as already noted, you should provide a generous accounting of typical (actual) and forecasted (estimated changes) monthly expenses (e.g., start of school year) for consideration in the temporary support payments hearing.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2016 14:47:20 GMT -5
Just came back from seeing my attorney. My STBX ACTIONS, ACTIONS, not words,( very important) were a contempt of court. She will be sent a notice of subpoena for a mandatory disclosure of all our financial records. An fixed amount will be set and put in place before any kind of agreement for collaboration. My STBX attorney says she really wants that. My attorney informed hers that I am highly skeptical. I have been asked to communicate more towards reaching an agreement. My first response was her manipulation and control when communicating. There is going to have to be a very large showing of humility, and respect before the wall comes down in the slightest. She shot herself in the foot. I am not buying groceries any more. From now on any thing involving money will get the answer, " go ask your mother." I am also bringing up the trust factor with her father present in the house. A strong deterrent toward any collaboration reaching a peaceful agreement. As long as she continues to contact him and do things with him without my knowledge, involving children and money, there is too much at stake to trust the two of them and the rest of her family. He may be leaving sooner than he realizes. I brought up concerns of future payment to our therapist for counceling with me and the children, after her actions. Also her payment of a forensic accountant, after her actions. It's going to be an interesting weekend! Good, what she did seemed very illegal. It's hard to imagine though how someone who has probably been talking to lawyers for a while would do something so dumb. Either she just got so greedy she stopped thinking straight, or she has found (or thinks she had found) some loophole to get away with this. Or she has more hidden than you suspect and is willing to spend a few days in county lockup to get it out of the view of the forensic accountant. I will be curious to see how this plays out. |
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Post by nyartgal on Aug 26, 2016 17:26:30 GMT -5
You are handling this extremely well. All I can add is that I would not give her the benefit of the doubt on ANYTHING. She is not to be trusted. If anything, I would assume the worst regarding her intentions and base any action on that. I'm glad you have an attorney, I hope he or she is a pit bull.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 27, 2016 7:48:07 GMT -5
You are handling this extremely well. All I can add is that I would not give her the benefit of the doubt on ANYTHING. She is not to be trusted. If anything, I would assume the worst regarding her intentions and base any action on that. I'm glad you have an attorney, I hope he or she is a pit bull. This whole scenario is spelling out what I have finally discovered about my STBX. A typical narc. " I want a man that's strong, but he better do what I tell him!" |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 13:17:17 GMT -5
greatcoastal, how has the past week played out? I'm curious about legal reaction to her antics, if there's an emergency hearing set, etc. And on the social side, have things started to settle, or is she continuing to show her ugly side?
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 3, 2016 14:14:36 GMT -5
She has 10 days to respond to her subpoena, for financial records.within an hour she had a spread sheet faxed to my attorney. Yet this Wed. there was $269.00 for me to spend.(Last week I sent her to the grocery store,she did not purchase much and the kids ran out.)I spoke to my attorney Fri. telling her again that i may not have enough money. Her attorney was gone for the holiday already. my attorney told me, "text your wife ask her for a couple hundred more for groceries" see a pattern developing? my attorney does.Oh, the fuel tank cracked on the mower, just a $300.00 repair!
My STBX took our two daughters and went 120 miles to visit her sister.( ironically on the weekend of our wedding anniversary, actually I am thankful) the same sister who calls me" the less than helpful husband. The same sister who who my STBX visited in the middle of our weak attempt at saving our marriage and then wanted me to leave the house for a month with strings attached. The same sister who works for attorneys. The same sister who claims her ex is a narc. while she tried to claim all there real estate and got the shaft. It's going to be interesting to see what happens in the next week or so, after a fresh load of advice from big sister (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree).
The bottom line is, I am still being told that collaborative resolution would be the way to go. A big concern I have is being the man, and the history of the justice system.Even though we reversed roles, I am still the man. Leaving me short of cash, what relatives do, is all trivial, the big question will be dividing the assets, child visitations, and who ends up paying alimony for how long.
I am being careful not to get suckered into a "lets just get it over with, victim mentality". I want a fair agreement so i can get back into the work force, the kids can graduate school, our communication will be limited to children with strict guide lines, and let me go my own separate way with time to heal.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 14:24:11 GMT -5
greatcoastal, it disturbs me that your lawyer keeps pressing for collaborative agreement. I'm not averse to the idea at all, but very much so the side effect of surrendering legal representation if it goes to court. Perhaps, if you haven't already, it might be worth getting opinion from another attorney whether you are being represented well here. As for texting your wife these requests, I think that's actually an excellent idea because it leaves a trail of documentation, and potentially documents her reaction in her own words.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 3, 2016 14:38:17 GMT -5
I may be wrong on this, but dragging it out before a judge, greatly disturbs me. Mostly because I am a man. The justice system is so one sided toward favoring women , I feel I have a better chance of a fair 50\50 split, between attorneys. Still nothing wrong with letting my attorney and my STBX's attorney aware of her actions, so both know what we are dealing with. Just like the person I married, she can paint a very subtle, quiet, emotionless, quiet victim who says "no, that's not my way." And ignores, avoids conflict, and ends up getting her way. How different this will be with me being the 'motherly figure" for 6 children over 18 yrs. is anyone's guess.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 14:55:41 GMT -5
A collaborative divorce will only work if: a) both attorneys are trained in this method and b) both spouses are on board. The advantages to a collaborative divorce are many, including the mandatory counseling for the couple to help them work out a resolution and learn to communicate well and the mandatory counseling for the children. It absolutely is not going to work if one party is being deceptive or is trying to screw the other person.
In my extremely recent experience, family court judges have pretty much seen it all and they want a fair resolution for both parties. I don't think you are in danger of being screwed over when you can show the amount of time you have put into raising the children, etc. In fact, with the way your wife is behaving (and you will want to document EVERYTHING, every conversation, every request - all of it), it's likely a judge will be displeased. Acting like an ass does not go over well in family court and the judges aren't shy about telling people to knock it off and get their crap together. Our judge told us point blank she did not want to see us back in her court - that she expected us to come to a settlement and do it quickly. She was highly annoyed with all of the nonsense his lawyer pulled and a number times said, "that's not relevant to this case."
Just my two cents from my admittedly limited experience. I agree with DryCreek - you may want to consult with another attorney. Yours doesn't seem to be fighting for you as hard as it seems like she ought to be. My attorney would have been furious about the grocery money thing - your wife is way off the reservation with that - and your attorney should have been very active in moving toward getting you temporary support orders. Again, just my two cents.
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 14:56:23 GMT -5
greatcoastal, it disturbs me that your lawyer keeps pressing for collaborative agreement. I'm not averse to the idea at all, but very much so the side effect of surrendering legal representation if it goes to court. Perhaps, if you haven't already, it might be worth getting opinion from another attorney whether you are being represented well here. As for texting your wife these requests, I think that's actually an excellent idea because it leaves a trail of documentation, and potentially documents her reaction in her own words. The collaborative agreement idea disturbs me too. Your wife is avoidant and controlling. What guarantee do you have that this collaborative process will not be drawn out through avoidance. My only advice would be to thoroughly know all the ins and outs of that process. I paid an extra $1 or $2 thousand dollars to have him served and go through the courts to start the clock ticking. As well if it's going to go to a judge they will themselves be unbiased and look at the law as well as what is in the best interests of the kids. As far as alimony - she will pay it to you for life that is the law in Florida, she should have fucked you, now she will pay! |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 15:07:50 GMT -5
She has 10 days to respond to her subpoena, for financial records.within an hour she had a spread sheet faxed to my attorney. Yet this Wed. there was $269.00 for me to spend.(Last week I sent her to the grocery store,she did not purchase much and the kids ran out.)I spoke to my attorney Fri. telling her again that i may not have enough money. Her attorney was gone for the holiday already. my attorney told me, "text your wife ask her for a couple hundred more for groceries" see a pattern developing? my attorney does.Oh, the fuel tank cracked on the mower, just a $300.00 repair! My STBX took our two daughters and went 120 miles to visit her sister.( ironically on the weekend of our wedding anniversary, actually I am thankful) the same sister who calls me" the less than helpful husband. The same sister who who my STBX visited in the middle of our weak attempt at saving our marriage and then wanted me to leave the house for a month with strings attached. The same sister who works for attorneys. The same sister who claims her ex is a narc. while she tried to claim all there real estate and got the shaft. It's going to be interesting to see what happens in the next week or so, after a fresh load of advice from big sister (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree). The bottom line is, I am still being told that collaborative resolution would be the way to go. A big concern I have is being the man, and the history of the justice system.Even though we reversed roles, I am still the man. Leaving me short of cash, what relatives do, is all trivial, the big question will be dividing the assets, child visitations, and who ends up paying alimony for how long. I am being careful not to get suckered into a "lets just get it over with, victim mentality". I want a fair agreement so i can get back into the work force, the kids can graduate school, our communication will be limited to children with strict guide lines, and let me go my own separate way with time to heal. The history of the justice system has changed even in the past 5-10 years. For a father not to get 50-50 he would have to be a drug user or abuser. You will get 50-50 plus alimony. She may give you more custody due to her work schedule which will put more money in your pocket. I think it's smarter to forgo the collaborative process. Have your attorney draw up a settlement agreement and send it to her attorney, the main objective should be to get this done as quickly as possible and I think court dates and judges will hold her feet to the fire as well as her wallet and I think the money will be her biggest motivation to resolve things quickly because only a judge can order her to pay her court costs and half of yours (that's leverage) otherwise who will force her hand? As well screen shot your texts. |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 18:01:30 GMT -5
The history of the justice system has changed even in the past 5-10 years. For a father not to get 50-50 he would have to be a drug user or abuser. You will get 50-50 plus alimony. She may give you more custody due to her work schedule which will put more money in your pocket. I think it's smarter to forgo the collaborative process. Have your attorney draw up a settlement agreement and send it to her attorney, the main objective should be to get this done as quickly as possible and I think court dates and judges will hold her feet to the fire as well as her wallet and I think the money will be her biggest motivation to resolve things quickly because only a judge can order her to pay her court costs and half of yours (that's leverage) otherwise who will force her hand? As well screen shot your texts. BBG is closer to the facts here, but I agree with her sentiment. I do think the courts are very much in favor of the stay-at-home spouse, and in your case I believe you have a much stronger upper hand here than you realize. The stereotype you apply to guys is really more accurate as applied to a sole breadwinner. You should not only expect half the assets, but a significant amount for child support - even if they are over 18 and students. She's on the hook for their college expenses too. You should easily expect 50/50 custody, and probably more just based on schedule and convenience, which will also proportionately increase the child support (based on number of hours each parent is providing for the kids in many jurisdictions). Then there is alimony, which is not a trivial percentage of her income, and apparently for life in your state - this would be very concerning if I were on the other side of the table. Lastly, get specific, solid financial guidance from a professional, particularly one who is skilled in taxation and retirement planning. I say this because not all assets are created equal. $100k in an 401(k) vs Roth IRA vs brokerage account vs real estate with deferred taxation... are all worth different amounts at the end of the day, ranging from the full face value to just a small fraction depending on the tax impact. This is an area where she can absolutely outwit you, leaving you with much less than 50% of the assets. |
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