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Post by Venus Erotes on Aug 19, 2017 21:19:30 GMT -5
Hi bballgirl! I hear you. The family unit is a bonding experience for all of you. It's great for the kids ad great for you as parents too. An open relationship could work for you both if he can deal with it. Hubs offered it, but he struggles when I am out. That's his issue, not mine. One thing I will say for sure - I learned today that people who have known me over the past 3 years recognize how much happier I am because of the change in my marriage. They don't know there was a change, and they don't need to. My lifestyle is not considered normal so I don't discuss it out of respect for hubs and the kids, but it was the best change in my life and had had the most positive impact. Hubs is and will always be my family. He's not a husband, and he hasn't been for forever, if ever. He is a broken man with issues who loves me enough to let me go from the bounds of society. (((HUGS)))
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Post by Venus Erotes on Aug 19, 2017 21:11:12 GMT -5
I'm seriously confused here...
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Post by Venus Erotes on Aug 1, 2017 18:20:44 GMT -5
My wife of 22 years claims that we aren't having sex because she doesn't feel like we are emotionally connected. To me, that seems like a cop out answer. Apparently before we were together, she had no problem having sex with guys she just met. So, there's a small little chasm in between that I am trying to reconcile her logic on. To me, sex keeps a marriage alive and creates emotional intimacy. Extremely frustrating. Seems to me if we would just have sex more often, some of the emotional connection would return pretty quickly. I know it would on my end. This is a total copout. IF she loved you and wanted to preserve the marriage, she would be fucking you. flashjohn is right. I had to look inside myself as well. Why was I continuing and putting up with the rejection and unhappiness? I realized I had daddy issues. I had mommy issues. and of course we all have issues.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 19, 2017 17:59:00 GMT -5
Umm.. the last time you hugged me my pants got wet - I'll try not to squeeze you so hard next time! I never hid my fetishes..... NOW YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION! Hahahaha! You guys are funny snowman12345
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 18, 2017 16:31:27 GMT -5
My need to be needed. Still going on to this day. I'll Hug you. awwww....
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 16, 2017 13:58:26 GMT -5
Why thank you for asking! More limbo. My trial date for divorce is three days from now. It will hopefully get postponed so I can keep the judge I have. The judge is having minor surgery. I may not find out until the last minute. I'd hate to iron my dress shirt and suit for nothing! I am doing my best to not be overly concerned about it. it is what it is, what happens happens, at this point. I am pleased with the progress I have made. It will be a year this August when I said, "I am ending our relationship, I've hired an attorney". (my defiance has paid off!) Then comes the healing process. A new start, and a new beginning for me and my family. A lot of changes. Schooling, Job searching, moving, house hunting, just to name a few. I am not sure how ready I am for a relationship. 90% needs a friend right now. I go out to eat with several ladies after my divorce recovery class. Some of them are young eneough to be my daughter. Others haven't even started a divorce yet. But I learn, like a practice date, about communicating. I sure get told what a giver I am, what a kind ,caring, gentleman I am, how smart I am. That's great!! I talk divorce, too much, I guess I will for a while, I still need that. Than there's that 10% of me that needs to know if someone who I desire can desire me as well. (not anyone particular just the wait for my actions and words to make something happen, and hope I am ready for it) Sounds like the divorce class is helping. So happy to hear that! Yes, I am not an expert at starting over, not at all. I am however starting my own coaching business and guess what my specialty is? Relationships in sexless marriage! It's funny tho - most don't realize that it isn't sex that's the root of the problem.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 16, 2017 12:32:19 GMT -5
What's next for you? Facing the reality, and the healing process, I guess? Day to day... Talking to the kids about my relationship with their dad. My son is to the point where I can discuss it. I asked him what he thinks sex is for and he told me "I think it's a way of bonding with someone." I was so freaking proud in that moment! My daughter isn't there yet maturity wise. I told hubs about 18 months ago that when the kids are gone, I'll probably move on too. He'll always be my family, but as a married couple we are nothing. Right now it's day to day and seeing the bf when I can. There's nothing better than falling asleep in his arms. That's what I truly need day to day, but it's not happening right now. How about you greatcoastal?
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 16, 2017 10:26:21 GMT -5
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 16, 2017 10:13:03 GMT -5
WOW. Very telling and empowering. I'm blessed I didn't have to deal with that. My hubs and I both go to therapy and we've both learned a lot about ourselves, including that we are completely different people with nearly opposite values. What's next for you? Facing the reality, and the healing process, I guess? Day to day... Talking to the kids about my relationship with their dad. My son is to the point where I can discuss it. I asked him what he thinks sex is for and he told me "I think it's a way of bonding with someone." I was so freaking proud in that moment! My daughter isn't there yet maturity wise. I told hubs about 18 months ago that when the kids are gone, I'll probably move on too. He'll always be my family, but as a married couple we are nothing. Right now it's day to day and seeing the bf when I can. There's nothing better than falling asleep in his arms. That's what I truly need day to day, but it's not happening right now.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 15, 2017 18:18:12 GMT -5
Thank you dear!! It is crazy. That's why I am saying goodbye to crazy! Crazy is typically driven by five fundamental fears, which are: The fear of abandonment. The fear of loss of control. The fear of feeling or appearing inferior or inadequate. The fear of loss of resources. The fear of exposure. Your objective is to identify and understand which of these fears motivates your crazy and to learn how and when to leverage them effectively. Quoted from the book" Say Goodbye to Crazy" by Dr. Tara Palmatier. Chapter 23 pg. 169. WOW. Very telling and empowering. I'm blessed I didn't have to deal with that. My hubs and I both go to therapy and we've both learned a lot about ourselves, including that we are completely different people with nearly opposite values.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 15, 2017 17:40:01 GMT -5
I am very proud and glad for you too! Alow me to offer some advice from my own screw ups. I too started speaking up for myself, talking back, and questioning my spouse. What did get me? An onslaught of more manipulative answers. Always spoken calmly and as facts. It takes a while to realize these where not facts at all. (just more manipulation) just a few samples: That's not my problem. (it was very much her problem, it involved the whole family) That's not my concern. (Again , it was her concern, it involved the whole family) You've said so much, I can't answer it all. (then I will repeat it and answer them for you) Oh well, it doesn't really matter. (it matters to me, and the whole family, so you will listen) I don't remember that. ( let me refresh your memory) Whatever. ( that's fine, then I'll be in charge of it and you will do what I tell you to) Just get ready for DARVO. What did get better was the quantity of word manipulation. They became less and less. Towards me anyways, for calling out her lies. Now comes watching her actions, (moving of money) and her manipulation with the rest of the family. It's crazy isn't it greatcoastal? As we grow and start to understand who we truly are, those around us who aren't in the same space get scared and dig themselves deeper into relying on the survival skills they learned while avoiding their own damage. Good LUCK.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 15, 2017 16:33:05 GMT -5
Im on the same page. No longer accommodating. If she gets upset, I have no fucks left to give. Good for you TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo. Be true to who you are.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 15, 2017 16:32:13 GMT -5
Now that I have started to deal with the truth about my SM and what I have let it become, I find myself being more defiant in other areas of my life and relationship. Things I used to let slide, I now find myself saying I am going to state my case in this shit. When my roommate has an issue with something I stand my ground. He isn't doesn't like it, but I am always very calm about it and just state the facts. I think things are beginning to change inside me. I find that I am handling a lot of aspects in my life differently. It's like my soul and spirit are back. This has deeply affected me in a myriad of ways. Has anyone experienced the same? I am starting to feel like myself again. YES YES YES!!!!! bran127 you are on a path to truly finding who you are! As baza said - Authentic YOU! I'm so freaking proud of you! Keep going and you will reignite the flame inside you, and love who you are. WAY TO GO!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 11, 2017 20:56:34 GMT -5
Damn... You've touched my heart. I hope you can figure this out. I truly do. Thank you. XOXO!!! *V
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 11, 2017 20:35:59 GMT -5
Thank you for "getting it" @elle and bballgirl . I struggled with whether or not to share all of this. I really appreciate the support. The parent thing is never easy, especially given your circumstances. My latest battle with my 13 & nearly 14 yo - Bullying. I get it. It sucks. Special needs? I don't "get" the whole thing but I can look to you as a hero to your children. That said, and I think bballgirl will agree with me, you need to take care of yourself. Don't forget to LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!! You are giving all of your energy to your children and you need to make sure you are refueling to get through the day to day. SM, OMG if anyone needs to fuck regularly it's YOU! Again, refueling your emotional energy, but it also keeps your bond alive. Maybe you breast-fed the babies to bond with them. You need to have sex to to bond with your partner. Here's a blog post I did on this very subject. I hope it's something you can share with your partner. Why you should have more sex. I hope it helps. Damn... You've touched my heart. I hope you can figure this out. I truly do.
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