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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 10, 2017 19:53:52 GMT -5
I spent Saturday wearing myself out at the gym, donated blood, then went on an eight mile mountain bike ride, and met a tall blonde professional woman. We'll see where that leads. I might be the most unsuccessful philanderer on earth, but, the hunt continues. Give it all you got! Don't settle. You are worth it IronMan! Donated blood and THEN you went on an 8 mile bike ride? WOW!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 5, 2017 20:14:15 GMT -5
In the past she saw sex as the wife's duty, that has changed now to something she can enjoy and have fun with. I don't think she is comfortable with the new way of thinking yet. So when I make a compliment with sexually innuendos she doesn't like it. She is ok with words of affirmation during sex but my vocabulary has to be flirted. I can't use curse or crude words. But I also have to give her some time to adjust to the new sex life. It is almost like we are finally having a honeymoon and we have to refigure out everything about sex again. Sounds like she's struggling to accept sex as normal. Focus on the "Hi beautiful", "You look so nice", "you're so sweet and you have no idea how much I appreciate all you've done", AND... "Wow honey - have you lost weight? You look amazing!" Hahahaha!!!! XOXO!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 4, 2017 13:24:06 GMT -5
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 29, 2017 21:44:01 GMT -5
I have nothing more to add. You've heard from the best of the best in this post already. flashjohn, bballgirl, baza : all even sounding boards. Altho baza I do miss seeing tread your own path. Yes it's under your profile pic, but it's not the same
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 29, 2017 21:38:54 GMT -5
It easy to ignore red flags when we don't know what they look like. I ignored PLENTY of red flags from MY daddy issues. I fell for hubs because he was the exact opposite of ME and EVERYONE else I had dated prior to him. I mean when life hands you lemons, limes seem a hell of a lot better than the lemons.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 29, 2017 21:35:04 GMT -5
Mine is bitmoji
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 29, 2017 21:13:47 GMT -5
There's 4 main views of "the kids" issue. #1 - holds that you must stay for the kids to provide a stable base. This choice being based on the kids best interests. #2 - holds that you must leave, so you are not modelling a dysfunctional situation for them to pay the price for in their adult relationships later on. This choice is also based on the kids best interests. #3 - holds that the only decent thing in your marriage is the kids and you want to stay as close to them as you can. This choice is actually based on your best interests, not the kids. #4 - actually has nothing to do with the kids. In this one you are so shit frightened by the prospect of leaving for an uncertain future that you hide behind the "staying for the kids" as your *public* reason for staying. This choice is based on your best interests, not the kids. They are all pretty awful choices, all as valid as each other, there is no "right" choice. Thing is though, although they are all awful choices, you don't get a pass. No-one gets a pass. You still have to choose or accept the default choice. All I can suggest is that you look deep into yourself, and be brutally honest with yourself about who's interests you are truly trying to look after. My personal opinion (worth jack shit) is that leaving for the kids - so they were not exposed to the dysfunctional dynamic - seemed the most appropriate. BUT I DID NOT HAVE THE COURAGE OF MY CONVICTIONS at the time, and I did NOT do this. I floated on in the status quo - effectively #4, above. And given the assorted relationships my kids have gotten in to as adults, it is a "non-choice" I deeply regret in hindsight. NB - this is not advice, nor a suggestion, nor naming any of the choices as being superior to the others. It's a personal anecdote, nothing more. Thank you baza. I stay for the kids. My son is aware of my open marriage and while he doesn't approve, last summer both his dad & myself sat down and I told my son I felt more pressure from him to leave than any pressure I ever felt from my husband. Hubs and I are one on this. I think I needed a reminder, hence my post. I still concern myself with the modeled behavior. I have been discussing love with my daughter and I want to make sure she finds what she is looking for in a relationship. My son models my husbands behavior and I need to spend more time with him, talking to him and reminding him that there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel loved in any relationship. Again Baz, Thank you. I know you've gone through this and I only have a few years left of an open marriage which helps me survive. I wish I could teach my kids the lessons they would see when I am with him instead of with hubs.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 28, 2017 22:24:57 GMT -5
I've just joined and had a quick read of several threads so apologies if this has been discussed before. I just want to know whether anyone has ever come to this conclusion.......
I've never considered myself an attractive male, it's true now and it was true when I was a teen. Consequently I never had any luck with women and lost my virginity at a scandalously late age. My wife was the first person who seemed to be interested enough in me to consider having a long-term relationship with me. Interested enough to agree to marry me five years after I met her. But as my introduction will tell you the physical side started going downhill before we were married. I think it's a combination of two things, she isn't physically attracted to me and she has a remarkably low sex drive. She has no interest in other men or behaving in a sexual manner.
So here I am 22 year after the marriage and I have two options. Quit and find someone else or thank my lucky stars that all life's boxes are ticked apart from one which makes me luckier than most people on the planet. You can tell by the way I worded that I'm erring towards the latter. I mean what are the chances of me meeting someone else if I did quit? Pretty low huh? Maybe this is as good as life gets. Maybe I should thank my lucky stars I have a good life with a nice home, good job, healthy kids and lots of friends.
I find it helps to put your life in boxes and tick them off. My problem is that I do have a healthy sex drive and that unticked box is a big one.
I just want to know if anyone else out there has taken stock of their lives and has thought fuck it. This is as good as it gets.I It's up to you if you say "fuck it, it's as good as it gets." That means that you are choosing not to grow and change since you were a teen. 1. Not only is it true that odds get better for men as they age because men die before women so the ratio is more in their favor, but things that attracted women when you were young no longer are considered that attractive. For instance, personality becomes more important as one gets older. 2. You can choose to become more interesting by developing interests and not stagnating. Learning new things, getting involved in new activiities, making new friends-- all of those things can make you more appealing. 3. Doing things like getting fit, losing weight, learning how to dress to show off your best features also can help you become more attractive. 4. Becoming a good conversationalist who listens with interest to people as well as tells good stories also is appealing. A person who hits their peak as a teen will probably be dull and unappealing. A person who evolves over the decades can have a lot to offer, and be appreciated for whom they have become. You can settle for the best you could get years ago or you could become a person who believes you deserves better and does. Written by a former wallflower -- was not asked to dance one dance while in high school (I don't mean asked to a dance, I mean asked to dance), but am now -- after divorce-- four years with the love of my life, a great guy whom I love, and who loves, romances and sexes me the way I've always desired. And I'm 65! What northstarmom said! You need to learn to love yourself. Your post doesn't appear to convey any love of who you are. This saddens me. Checking off the boxes of life? Some how society has damaged us and told us what we are supposed to do. What do you REALLY want? It's time to explore who you are, what you truly love, and what have you always dreamed of. It's time for you to love YOU! I had to have a therapist point this out to me. I spent my life taking care of others - again society teaches us that we need to sacrifice ourselves for others - and it's complete bullshit. I hope you are able to dig deep and learn to love who you are. Inside and out! You are a beautiful person and you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved. (((HUGS))) and please keep us updated on your progress. Love you, and then everything else falls in line.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 28, 2017 13:37:07 GMT -5
Here's my problem my grandmother went to her pastor for advice about her husband beating the shit out of her and he laid the law on her about being a wife so she stayed and he beat the shit out of her and kids and grandkids and here we are 70 years later and what he did still makes an impact and the church still protects those decisions years ago. HORRIBLE. Some of the priests are f'ing morons. Morons don't discriminate. I wish they would. They'd be easier to spot. (((HUGS)))
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 26, 2017 21:54:45 GMT -5
I'm just saying that if you have a thing about zippers, here's the door. I like zippers. I like buttons. I like hook & eyes. I like ties
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 26, 2017 21:31:36 GMT -5
Oh except the Amish. Fuck them. Do they want to? Don't they enjoy fucking too?
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 26, 2017 21:29:47 GMT -5
Btw, Two thousand years ago marriage was a legal contract of property and multiple wives were common. I SAY TO THEE - ALL MAN MAY FUCK! Women - fuck a man other than your legal spouse and you are summoned to death. It's all soooo fucked up. So few words, so much,... well, to be blunt... ignorance. Contract? Covenant? Commitment? Yes. Property? Yes and no. You could say the same thing about alimony today, right? Oh, and if you are talking about marriage in non-Christian, non-Jewish cultures, like Greece and Rome, marriage wasn't a contract, it was shacking up. And divorce was achieved by either walking out or telling the other to get out (depends on whose hovel they were in. Multiple wives common? Oh, please! Kings, maybe. But since there was usually only one of them at a time, really not that common. "I SAY TO THEE - ALL MAN MAY FUCK!" - you want to cite chapter and verse for that one? I can give you OT citation where both were to be stoned, not just the woman. I can also show you where a man who forced sex on a woman was to be stoned, and not the woman. Not quite "ALL MAN MAY FUCK", when you get down to it. Yeah, your post was kinda screwed up. --------------------- Okay, I get that sometimes we get frustrated and just have to vent a spleen or three. But it would help if the bile be based in fact and not bias. The research I've done pretty much sums up my point, but I agree, It may have been specific cultures and specific times in ancient history of which I am unsure of. Adultery in the time of Moses was cast upon the wife, not the man. The man could lay whomever he pleased as long as he married her. A woman could not have multiple husbands. Protection of property, plain and simple. I get it. It was necessary back then. Society caught up to womens lib, but the social bias against women still exists. Marry a virgin! She's a slut! All part of a double standard that commenced back when man needed to preserve the inheritance rights of his tribe in prehistoric times. Society will, I hope, catch up one day. Equality. That's all I'm saying...
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 26, 2017 21:20:42 GMT -5
I wonder if there's a web site somewhere where the assorted religious sects put up their various positions on all manner of things so you could "shop around" for a sect that is a good fit for you. Same principal as a dating site. If I was shopping around, then the sects that ban alcohol would get a line through them straight off. The sects that ban premarital sex would get the arse straight off as well. Sects espousing a view that marriage is forever no matter what would also get the black line through them. As would sects that promote intolerance of other sects. Those ones where you are suppossed to pony up a % of your income to be a member ? Big line through them as well. TV Evangelist sects would not make my cut either. Anyway, you get the general idea. Actually, I'd probably end up with something resembling " The Church of Brother wewbwb " as was floated in here a little while back. And I would imagine that when I tried to join that flock, they'd likely tell me to piss off. Quite rightly. the church of wewbwb has 2 rules. #1 dont be a dick. (If 5 members [lets be honest , that would be the whole church] think you acted dickishly you did) and must make "amends" as appropriate . #2 improve yourself If you think you don't need to , you are not welcome. Let me be clear, the only person not welcome in the church is the person who is never at fault , doesn't need improvement and doesn't need help. Every single other person is welcome . Always. PEACE!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 26, 2017 19:58:46 GMT -5
Btw, Two thousand years ago marriage was a legal contract of property and multiple wives were common.
I SAY TO THEE - ALL MAN MAY FUCK!
Women - fuck a man other than your legal spouse and you are summoned to death.
It's all soooo fucked up.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 26, 2017 19:54:45 GMT -5
Ah yes... modern day Christianity...
Ah yes... Two Thousand year old Christianity
Ah yes... religion in the time of Moses and the 10 commandments.
Basic humanity was lost when we learned how to farm the land and sow our own food.
Rise up the repression and control of women and thusly preserving the inheritance of the offspring.
Keep in mind there was no birth control.
Last I checked it was 2017....
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