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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 2, 2017 11:02:19 GMT -5
If he is not willing to help you in other ways while he is dealing with whatever men issues, I would say it's an absolute act. Now, I have grown to be quite the negative person (being in a SM will do that), but there is no reason why he can't service you in other ways. Just talking about what he wants to do is insulting to you, and I'm guessing he thinks he can just stall with words. Until you pushed him with your recent talk, but now it's more talk..."oh, just you wait until this bark works and we go to a hotel". I wonder what he would say if you told him you want other means of pleasure while you wait on him.
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 2, 2017 10:31:16 GMT -5
I don't buy the "I wanted it to be a surprise" bit. If he has trouble with erections, does he ever offer to help you in other ways while he is "investigating"?
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 31, 2017 8:54:08 GMT -5
My loneliness has never dissipated, but other things have: My passion (not even sure I would know how to kiss someone passionately anymore). My empathy (W tells me about her day, I don't care). Meanwhile other things grow: Resentment, frustration, depression. It's just a black hole that swallows everything. I don't think the loneliness ever dissipates. And it's a hurtful, blatant lie for your H to say he can't get in the mood and yet he's yanking away while you tend to parenting.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 26, 2017 21:37:54 GMT -5
I guess it's kind of my own fault. I mean, as others above have pointed out, someone who has no interest in sex with you is unlikely to go from cold to hot because you mention filming the sex that never happens. By the way, filming was one of my suggestions. I thought it might work because I pitched that I might not ask as much if I could relive the sex on film at my leisure (a lame reasoning, but, hey, wouldn't she rather me look at us instead of other porn?). It didn't work. Nor did my other ideas.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 26, 2017 17:22:25 GMT -5
What seemed like normal requests, (things I had experienced in the past) were shot down, rejected, dismissed. Leaving me feeling like I was some kind of sexual pervert. Another great example of how a refuser "compromises". They say no, and you have to agree, simply because they don't like it. End of compromise. How dare you FORCE something on someone who doesn't like it. Especially a man on a woman. What was supposed to be an eternal marriage filled with living out and giving someone else the maximum sexual pleasures, and receiving back from it, instead becomes a dangerous area to even proceed into, with hidden fears of prosecution, because you went to far. Here's the cherry on top. My spouse years later in counciling, complained that "I didn't lead, I wasn't a leader". My last and final attempt was during our re-set vacation over a year ago. We were alone on a three mile trail, in a public park. The park was built inside an old abandoned orange grove. I mentioned to my W. "I love being outside like this.maybe we could come back later around sun set and have some romantic time to ourselves? Her response, "NO, I am just an old fuddy -dutty for that." That's just what I felt like: a pervert. Insult to injury is that I have friends who mention in random conversations the wild and crazy things they have done with their wives/GFs, like threesomes, and talk like it's no big deal. Inside I'm screaming...who lives in these fantasy lives where you not only have regular sex, but threesomes or other such things??
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 26, 2017 15:17:44 GMT -5
The insensitivity is amazing. I don't know why it hurt so bad when she dismissed my fantasies (I've been getting rejected for 11 years). I guess because I finally told one of my few secrets she didn't already know and it was just brushed aside with no regard, over in an instant.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 26, 2017 15:04:09 GMT -5
I've never had my body insulted, but I think a SM is an insult to one's parts (and everything else). It is a gradual insult, taking away your confidence and self-esteem bit by bit.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 26, 2017 14:58:57 GMT -5
As if living in a SM wasn't bad enough, I recently admitted all my fantasies to my wife in a last ditch effort to spark things. She replied she has no interest in any of them. Not even a gentle "I'll think about it", or a "let's compromise"...just a straight shoot-down. That conversation will go down as the last attempt I ever make at "rejuvenating" my SM, which was never more than once a month during the best years. I don't think I even find my wife attractive anymore, so I guess she should toast this occasion, as she won't have to put up with my annual "talk" going forward. Just wondering if anyone else out there has had their fantasies shot down, and if it was as crushing to you as it was to me.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 26, 2017 14:45:35 GMT -5
Hello. Well, I can say I am happy to know there are many others out there. I've been married for 11 years. The first 5 years allowed me sex once a month. The last 5 years allowed me sex maybe once every 3 months or so. Currently it's been 5 months. We have no kids. We have "the talk" once a year when I reach a boiling point, where we agree to have more sex but never do. The twist is that a couple weeks ago, I actually turned HER down. The reason being that I can't take having sex once every 3 or 4 months anymore. I'm done.
I am 41 and I know my sex drive will only diminish moving forward. Right now it is still very high, and I have no wish to accept things the way they are for the rest of my "active" days. What is really messed up is that psychologically, I don't know if I can even manage with my wife at this point. The last few times we did have sex were less than memorable. All I can think about during is that this will be the last time I have sex for months, and....there goes the moment. During our last "talk", I divulged fantasies I have, in an effort to spark an interest; she replied she has no interest in fantasies. I even tried to talk her into having sex with someone else...ANYONE else. Nope.
At this point, I would rather just keep to handling my own business, since at least I know everyone involved is having a good time. I know it won't change, ever. And I guess I'm too old/don't want the stress of trying to cheat, nor do I have the faith in people to leave and start all over. But at least I'm not alone.
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