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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 8, 2017 13:18:27 GMT -5
That's quite acceptable. I have a dark sense of humor, too. But, seriously...a rodeo clown. After all, I'm in Texas. And if I got gored by a bull, well, no more SM suffering. Where in Texas? Houston here. It's a pretty small state. We might be neighbors! Dallas!
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 21:28:18 GMT -5
Have you ever been to Mesquite championship rodeo? I went to the old one once. I went to a big rodeo once about three years ago, but I don't remember if it was in Mesquite. It might have been, actually.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 20:02:56 GMT -5
The sad thing is, I hold an Associates, but I got it in the wrong field (funeral service). Like I said, a long string of poor decisions. In the case of school, it cost $20,000 without any return. I should have gone for rodeo clown Your post just made me laugh. I apologize. I know I have a bizarre sense of humor. Oh my, it is darkly funny! That's quite acceptable. I have a dark sense of humor, too. But, seriously...a rodeo clown. After all, I'm in Texas. And if I got gored by a bull, well, no more SM suffering.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 19:57:19 GMT -5
She doesn't feel like therapy is necessary, and since she doesn't view sex as important, I agree with her. Not because I don't want to fix it, but I kind of view it as, if you don't really want to have sex, I don't want you to go through the motions because an expert tells you that you should. As much as I want her to suddenly have this sexual awakening, a therapist would only talk her into something she doesn't want to do. Hi DZ. I apologize that I wasn't clear in my previous post - I was talking about YOU getting professional help, even if it just allows you to get your thoughts in line, so that you can understand clearly EXACTLY what your WANTS and NEEDS are. At that point, you can figure out how to move forward. Sorry, that was my fault for not reading it more closely! I think getting help for myself might be a very good idea. Maybe there is some underlying reason why I stayed up to the point that I became trapped.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 19:39:35 GMT -5
You're still a youngster. Why are you throwing in the towel? You have 30+ years ahead of you. If I had been aware at age 44 that my marriage was devolving into a sexless wasteland, I would have been at the community college gaining the creds for a career and planning my exit strategy. Two years and an associates degree will get you started. A trade school will get your foot in the door. For gods sake don't wait until you're 56. The sad thing is, I hold an Associates, but I got it in the wrong field (funeral service). Like I said, a long string of poor decisions. In the case of school, it cost $20,000 without any return. I should have gone for rodeo clown
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 19:34:16 GMT -5
That situation is absolutely crap DZ. I'm in a similar situation (but much older), so I know it's really hard when you think those are the only 2 options. I'm more concerned about your 'zero self esteem' and lack of energy - are you getting any professional help at all? I know it's difficult to stop the negative self-talk and the catastrophic thinking, but it is possible to get a measure of control over these so that you have a less distorted perspective. I apologize that I'm not familiar with the details of your story, but If you are not seeing a professional, then I think that should be your current priority; if you are, then ask to go through some CBT, DBT and Mindfulness techniques - they will help you. Maybe plan to take the jump in 2-3years and work towards it? It's a goal that you can always move backwards if you need to, but waiting any number of more years just to find yourself in the same position as you are today doesn't give you anything. Having some goals in this will also help with your self-perception. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just concerned by your post. There is hope, honestly! She doesn't feel like therapy is necessary, and since she doesn't view sex as important, I agree with her. Not because I don't want to fix it, but I kind of view it as, if you don't really want to have sex, I don't want you to go through the motions because an expert tells you that you should. As much as I want her to suddenly have this sexual awakening, a therapist would only talk her into something she doesn't want to do, and at best it would go back to the days when I got laid once every 3 months. Although...once every 3 months would be pretty great at this point. But I think you are right about the negativity. I'm doing it right now and I don't even mean to. Maybe I need to get a handle on that first.
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Trapped
Apr 7, 2017 18:55:43 GMT -5
Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 18:55:43 GMT -5
Deadzone75: Define too old to care? I don't think you ever age out of sexuality or at least I haven't. Are you telling me that men pay for erotic chat?? Jeez...I've been giving it away for years. Lol! I should clarify...I'm about to spend a lot of money to join a website where you can search for whatever floats your boat. From people who are looking for full outsourcing to just erotic chat.
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Trapped
Apr 7, 2017 18:52:53 GMT -5
lyn likes this
Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 18:52:53 GMT -5
Thank you for the support. It does help. I think it helps to view things outside these eyeballs. It does give me hope.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2017 15:00:51 GMT -5
I must come clean and admit that I have no exit plan in my SM, because it is not financially possible. Through a series of idiotic moves in my life (which included marriage), I find myself in a situation where it would take (at the earliest) two years before I would be even close to being able to take that leap, when I'm pushing 44. Which means I stay out of convenience in a terribly inconvenient situation. I'm not proud to admit it, but it's the truth. So that leaves me with 1.) Shut up and deal with it, or 2.) Outsource. I have outsourced once in the past, but that was six, seven years ago. I'm 41 with zero self esteem, and at this point I barely have the energy to get myself off, much less go to the trouble of finding a willing outsourcing participant. No questions here, just a realization that I felt the need to post. Sometimes one must be brutally honest, and the truth is I'm too much of a coward to do anything at this point. I'm actually considering spending a lot of money just to find someone that will engage in erotic chat. And I think...is that the best it's going to get until I'm too old to care?
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Post by deadzone75 on Mar 18, 2017 22:13:42 GMT -5
I no longer even think about sex on the rare date nights. I'll put it this way: Saturday night, the W has the weekend off, and she went to bed at 9:45. But, hey, I'm hoping to rub out a good one tonight.
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Post by deadzone75 on Mar 12, 2017 8:15:42 GMT -5
Marriages involving kids are out of my territory, I admit. But I have to give you props for caring about your sex life while being a mother. Sure, maybe try putting baby in a crib, but your H needs to wake up and count his freaking blessings that you are still putting some effort into intimacy. Porn has its place for those of us who won't be touched anyway, but your situation...I'd smack that shit down quick. If there is porn that you've seen, there is more that you haven't seen, and it will increase unless you deal with it sooner rather than later. You deserve better, and if he won't sit down and give you anything beyond "oh, you're still pretty...it's fine", more drastic measures may be required.
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 23, 2017 23:45:20 GMT -5
This is the biggest thing I'm hearing from those I'm coming out to. Do they really believe I didn't date my husband? Why can't people say, "I'm sorry, I know you two lost something special. If you need me call." 1. You two just need to date. Yes, we did. I arranged every single thing. I dressed, I found childcare, I gave that man a good time. If I stopped...It all stopped. 2. You just need to make sex happen. You be the one who starts it. Again, I've been doing this. If the full body panty hose leotard with the proper openings and the near prostituting of my heart means anything, I have done this! I've done things none of my friends do. In fact, giver of advice, you think a Bj or oral sex on yourself is disgusting. We aren't talking about prude sex with a woman who is just getting through it. I'm talking I fulfilled every fantasy most men have! Sometimes in one night! 3. Pray together for God to restore your marriage. Look, I've dragged him to couples groups, prayed, set up an outlined curriculum to study together. This isn't God's fault. Not mine. 4. I wish my husband would leave me alone....You don't know how lucky you have it. Yea, that's just great. Tell me again how you deprive your true love of affection and how blessed I am to not have to hat off advances. 5. He's a man, he has stress, he is tired. Um, I'm a single parent of two chronically ill boys, homeschool, have worked/schooled/etc, have chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, and thyroid disease, but I've never used that excuse. I'm ready at any moment. Why does he get a pass on being a husband because he does one thing, work? He has no other responsibilities. He screwed our finances the year he took over because he wanted to "lighten" my load. We are now short selling our home to avoid foreclosure. This mess is unreal! Did you hear this same crap? It's always how I should be OK. I have a hard working man. I always need to be more or need less. It has me tearful. Just hear me! See me! Understand I've killed my soul chasing, begging, being what he needs. I'm broken. Everyone knows I'm not a quitter. I give 150%. I love fiercely my people. I dig deep to give more. I can't even imagine you guys here hearing your a sex crazed maniac when it is so much more than the act of sex. There, I've had my freak out. I'm going to go for a walk before I eat my feelings. 😖 Number 5 is the biggest load of BS. As a man, I have much stress, and I can safely say that at least 70% of is because of NO sex. It's a natural stress reducer!
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 23, 2017 23:41:04 GMT -5
I don't remember the last year I had sex on my birthday with my W. 2010 maybe? To be fair, she does make a pretty big deal out of my birthday, but at the end of the day, I spend it pleasuring myself just like any other day of the year.
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 15, 2017 0:38:42 GMT -5
A question for those of you who have went through with the exit strategy or are forming one: At what point did you know there was no turning back?
It has been six months, our longest drought. Month 3 and 4 had me going berzerk with frustration and resentment. Keep in mind that in over a decade, our normal sex is once every 2 months. I find myself now not really caring, not really finding her all that attractive, and while masturbation is seriously losing its appeal after half a year with nothing real, now I wonder if I can not only have sex with the W, but with ANY human being. Am I so devoid of feeling? Was that how you felt when you finally said enough is enough?
Even if W asked for sex right now, believe it or not, I would say no. Why would I say yes? A quick spurt and then reset the clock for another 6 months? No...no...I don't care anymore, and it's a horrible, dark, unloving feeling. My exit plan will be long and hard, almost financially impossible, but I need to have more than this before it destroys my soul.
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 3, 2017 2:17:09 GMT -5
The W and I agreed to ignore V-Day. It's awkward, having to make eye contact on that day. Almost as awkward as when we are watching a movie and a sex scene comes on. I don't know what the hell happened to my life. Once upon a time I was having sex on a sidewalk in a park, now fast forward to 2016 and pushing half a year since sex with the W.
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