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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 20, 2017 12:49:50 GMT -5
big steps indeed! all of the whirlwind thoughts and emotions are in play...stay focused and optimistic!
Hope to join you later this year...but sorta the opposite of you, I first have to sell our house - and then get a (small) apartment!!
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 20, 2017 12:45:20 GMT -5
ditto to all of the above - this is a keeper. thanks for posting
I will be showing my wife this one...
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 15, 2017 12:41:09 GMT -5
justice (sometimes) prevails! you go girl!!
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 15, 2017 12:22:28 GMT -5
agree she doesn't sound motivated to find this group? and, you are anonymous here...no sure way to know who's posting so many similar stories.
I bet we can easily come up with 20+ 'similar enough' stories from just the last year or so.
no worries - decrease the anxiety
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 15, 2017 11:59:36 GMT -5
I see I have indeed missed the point. So looking at it another way - where I had the "factory re-set" ability where I could activate in another person their original desire for me - I am still seeing a fuck up. Like this. I "factory re-set" Mrs baz and now she lusts after me. At the same time, the lovely *Irene* (who was on track to be the first Mrs baz back in the day) applies the "factory re-set" to me, so I now lust after her. Mrs baz applies her "factory re-set" powers to *Liam* (her old boyfriend). So I re-set Mrs baz, Mrs baz re-sets Liam, Irene re-sets baz, Liam re-sets someone else etc etc . And a big fuck up ensues. It would be hugely amusing to watch the domino effect in play in this scenario. Baz - this is a great base for the next wildly successful 'Rom-Com' movie!!! or then again, could it be a 'Drama-Horror' flick?
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 15, 2017 11:47:19 GMT -5
sorry to welcome you to our group, but there is some great solace and advice here - and ranting is cathartic!!
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 23, 2017 16:49:18 GMT -5
mine would go something like this:
Very calm, down-to-earth person seeking a mild-mannered, low-energy man for ongoing conversation and adherence to alternative medicine, energy healing and a low-libido lifestyle. Being insecure is a plus - and if you can pay the bills, cook & keep a house tidy, please call...
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 22, 2017 16:48:09 GMT -5
matches your eyes, nice!
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 21, 2017 19:28:25 GMT -5
whoa, do not give up hope or the possibility of nirvana so easily!! lots of great vibes out there - you need to go out and make it yours.
positive thoughts
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 21, 2017 17:57:51 GMT -5
My situation is not squarely any of those posted by the OP because my wife and I are in different zones. I have sort of "friend-zoned" my wife... but she still loves me dearly and figures we will be married the rest of our lives. To her, the sexlessness thing is just "where the marriage is now", and not a big concern for her. Plus, she feels like she has "tried enough" for the time being. So she's in the "denial zone", I guess. Dan - she needs a wake-up call or something? When I was laser focused on the 'stuff' we did/didn't do to our relationship - and taking ownership for the crap on both sides...that's when the reality set in...since then it's been quite revealing to both of us. Not better, but better understood.
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 21, 2017 8:57:20 GMT -5
planning the exit, but hoping to stay connected for the kids/family. no medical issues - but there are 'alternate realities' for each of us.
I hope to be able to be 'friendly from a distance with my future ex'.
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 19, 2017 20:34:51 GMT -5
wow, lots of ex-jocks here...I am also an ex-football/basketball athlete, was a walk-on at U of Florida back in the 70's. I am not at all thin, never was - but am a solid 210 and 5'11". was 185lbs when I was linebacker/fullback in HS, which was svelte for me.
I get to the gym 4-5X/wk (elliptical machine, as my knees don't like anymore pounding), push-ups, ab work etc. Also still play mens doubles tennis weekly and walk when I play golf.
staying active helps tremendously to relieve the stress and frustrations that my SM life has exacerbated.
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 19, 2017 11:38:41 GMT -5
brutal honesty is required. It's easy to focus on the 'other person' and what they 'do to you'. Ultimately, it's not about blame or looking backwards, but much more about strategies for moving forward...
It's extremely insightful to get a firm understanding on what your own drivers are - and if they are helping or hurting the relationship.
Agree w Baz, solo therapy can help you see clearly about yourself.
Good luck!
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 19, 2017 11:26:17 GMT -5
I do not worry, as my wife knows I've suggested we separate. After years of counseling and decades of being largely in a SM, I let her know that our marriage is broken - and unless she's willing to give some serious attention (seeing a therapist specifically to dig into her avoidance and passive-agression re: sex) then I cannot see a way to being comfortable living together as a married couple anymore.
So, why not show myself?
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 19, 2017 9:49:59 GMT -5
While I'm generally OK with anyone who knows me reading what I've posted here - I believe the larger spectrum of what we all have written really would help anyone to see how disappointing, devastating and painful a SM can be.
It's the acknowledgement and compassion that makes all of our stories come alive, imo.
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