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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 22:52:50 GMT -5
I think you'll find that if you say - "Hi, I'm [Jon] and I'm suffering in a sexless marriage!" - you will get a very disinterested response, UNLESS the person you are speaking to is in a similar situation. Possibly, you might get a response along the lines - "Why don't you get out then ?" - in the event that the person displays any interest in your predicament. - Defining yourself as "Jon, who suffers in a sexless marriage" is possibly not the greatest segue into a scintillating conversation out there in the "normal" world. It is probably more likely to kill an initial conversation stone dead than it is to encourage further discourse. - Mind you, I am all for testifying about what being in an ILIASM shithole is like, but I do think you need to pick your audience. That's if... You are a man. If you are a woman that confesses this - you get a head cocked to the side, a moment of unbridled bewilderment and then, a barrage of questions. It is socially acceptable for a man. It is fascinating for a woman. She is wondering what she can do to make her man like that too. Those woman are refusers in disguise. I have no doubt there are men who think that same way, how could they get their wife like that too. People who think like that are ungrateful and underserving.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 22:48:00 GMT -5
Whenever I mention it - and I'm out already so there's that difference- I get mixed responses. Many people feel they have to tell me how sexless they also are ... which when questioned means they get some but not like when they were younger. Or - they totally think I was mean because of Ex's medical causes (then when I explain what other relationship issues it provoked & exposed, they back off). Others look at me like I should've known going into the marriage that the age gap would catch up to us eventually. Other than a few therapists & 3/4 of my brothers, most live conversations about it haven't been very helpful. A couple of sisters get it (about 2/4). The shocker - my 89 yr old mother was even more sympathetic than the brothers. That one slated me - and was very validating actually. This site was a godsend to me. You all understood me in a way that most folks just can't. The supportive nature was great - the actionable advice on exiting even better! The age gap response would be the one I'd get the most since she is 10 years older than me.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 20:52:19 GMT -5
My husband spends a good part of his free time watching tv. I invite him to join me on hikes and to go dancing. I always get a no. When I started getting out and doing social activities I started feeling better about myself. As long as I'm in this world I want to be a part of it. It's amazing how just a little bit of attention can make you feel so wonderful, especially from the opposite sex. This past Tuesday I had my teeth cleaned. For whatever reason, on her own she talked to me the whole time (took 45 minutes) to tell me about her dating life. It was funny and sad all at the same time. She said she was kinda sad that she may not find a good man to settle down with again. Then I started wondering if she was refused or a refuser. But I certainly enjoyed her body brushing up against mine and the smell of her perfume as she worked on me.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 20:45:44 GMT -5
I know people (not W) who manage to watch 50 hours a week of TV. There's so much living that can be done with that time! I'm all for having some mindless downtime, but in moderation. People are sometimes impressed by how much stuff I do, while I aspire to do more - it's all a question of where you spend your time. My husband spends a good part of his free time watching tv. I invite him to join me on hikes and to go dancing. I always get a no. When I started getting out and doing social activities I started feeling better about myself. As long as I'm in this world I want to be a part of it. It's amazing how just a little bit of attention can make you feel so wonderful, especially from the opposite sex.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 0:26:31 GMT -5
My wife doesn't show any interest in my naked body. If I'm in the shower and she is in the bathroom, she will immediately leave. If I'm getting ready for work in my underwear, she will ask me to hurry up and finish so she can come in the bathroom. One day I took a pic of me in nothing but my underwear and sent it to her at work. She got very angry with me and asked me to never do that again.
Boy how far have we come since we first met and she initiated sex with me on our first date.
My deepest apologies to the language police. The sentence should have read "If I'm in the shower and she's in the bathroom"
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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 0:24:41 GMT -5
My wife doesn't show any interest in my naked body. If I'm in the shower and she is in the bathroom, she will immediately leave. If I'm getting ready for work in my underwear, she will ask me to hurry up and finish so she can come in the bathroom. One day I took a pic of me in nothing but my underwear and sent it to her at work. She got very angry with me and asked me to never do that again.
Boy how far have we come since we first met and she initiated sex with me on our first date.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 28, 2016 0:16:33 GMT -5
My hub has always had a beard. It suits him. Even though I don't mind beards, I'd like to experience the novelty of a cleanly shaved face. As for my appearance, Hub will ask me "Is that what you're wearing?". If I say yes, he shrugs his shoulder and says "Okay." Being a pleaser, it was a big step for me to not go back into the closet and change into something I know he likes. Another big step for me was cutting my hair. My hair is wavy, but fine and thin. If it's long it is a fuzzy mess. Short, I can have a trendy cut that is flattering. He has never let go of this. He told me that he married a woman with long hair, not a woman with short hair. In my mind I said "I married a man that promised to love me." What if an AP insisted that the lady/gentleman dress in a style that she/he is not entirely comfortable? What should they do? I have a clean shaven face. One reason was because of my 20 years in the military. I think I would look bad with facial hair. Not having it does help me look way younger than I am, which I like a lot.
I grew up in the long hair days of the 70s. When I was in junior high, my hair was just a little below my shoulders. I thought I looked pretty cool. (70s slang).
Now my wife hates it when my hair gets long and my bangs are long and my hair touches my neck and hangs over my ears. When she complains, I just smile. And when I do get it cut, I cut it just short enough that it will annoy her in about a month.
She tells me that she likes me better in my short military hairstyle. Like you, in my mind, I said "And I like to have hot, passionate sex."
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Post by solodriver on Oct 27, 2016 23:44:15 GMT -5
There once was a fellow named Driver Whose wife wouldn't let him inside her That wasn't ok So he went away And he pleasured to his fantasy lady
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Post by solodriver on Oct 27, 2016 2:22:57 GMT -5
My birthday is next week. I'm wondering what kind of weak ass card I will receive. Will there be birthday cake? I know there will be no sex for the fifth year in a row. We shall see. For me the day will just go by; no card (too expensive), no birthday cake (too much to make for just 2 people and sugar is bad for you), and no sex for the 28th year in a row. It's going to be a very long day, and I wish I could just sleep through it and then it would be over.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 27, 2016 0:00:46 GMT -5
Dan The list of things my stbx doesn't like is much much longer. I enjoy the - pushing up the buds - phase lol With everything I do differently than before, I am very aware of the change. Wearing dresses more often now with tights, bought some sexy underwear. Unfortunately I couldn't find purple in my size. But at least not only white anymore. And it is getting washed as it should (no longer on 60C). solodriver sexy bed clothes, I have been thinking about that. I think when it comes in handy, I will probably not need any bed clothes at all . Choosing colors for my home is great. Bold colors, with warm copper and orange accents. It is looking very good. And going to add my own paintings on the wall. The blossoming of Tamara, that is what it feels like Tamara68, believe me when I say that no matter how sexy the woman's nighties are, they won't be staying on her with me!
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Post by solodriver on Oct 25, 2016 23:48:39 GMT -5
The woman I married was a liar She got older and lost all her desire But I on the other hand Want to go and light somebody's fire!
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Post by solodriver on Oct 25, 2016 23:37:05 GMT -5
I had not planned on getting a new car just yet (although since my previous MINI was 8.5 years old and had 120,000 miles on it, I figured it would happen in the next 6 months or so.) But when I took it in for service yesterday and got an estimate of $1300 for repairs, I decided it was time. Road trip! Very nice! Come on out! A cross country trip will break it in nicely. I also live in California. Sounds like the making of a ILIASM party!
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Post by solodriver on Oct 25, 2016 23:29:54 GMT -5
My life will not be complete until it's over. To be alive is to be incomplete. Embracing incompleteness leaves us open to new experiences. I agree 100%. I see my wife who sits around and watches TV when she is not working. She doesn't want sex, or to do anything exciting or try to enjoy anything.
I'm not ready to quit living. I'm looking forward to new experiences and especially new romantic experiences that I've never had yet.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 25, 2016 23:13:11 GMT -5
My stbx had strong opinions about everything. Including my clothes. He didn't like high heels and anthing sexy. He doesn't like colored underwear. (too unpractical with washing according to him). I dressed simple and boring most of the time and apparently that was fine. I am catching up with that now. He didn't like make-up. I used to wear only eye-liner. I don't like make-up that much myself but I am using a little more now. He didn't want me to use perfume. I have bought some now. He didn't want me to use all kinds of things with strong smells. He didn't like certain colors. He didn't like me wearing jeans. He didn't like my curves. Whenever he saw me naked, I could count on his comments about me having to lose weight. We need to swap spouses tamara68. My wife won't dress or smell or try to be sexy in any way. I would love to be around a woman who does those things. I guess we don't need to ask about his opinion on sexy bed clothes. Don't worry my wife has worn any of her nighties in 20 years now.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 24, 2016 23:28:42 GMT -5
I can think of other things to do with 40 beads.
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