|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 20, 2023 10:57:31 GMT -5
Know what another "red flag" is for me. When on a dating site and I see a female, I find initially attractive. Then I read a couple long paragraphs in which the woman says she is looking for her soulmate. And at the same time, she says she is living life to the fullest. The two seem incompatible to me. If she is living life to the fullest how will there be room for anyone else in the mix. When I see this, I immediately swipe left.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 20, 2023 8:26:41 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 20, 2023 8:19:19 GMT -5
One aspect of the gel might be the prohibitive costs. I had a pharmacy compound Cialis for me. A dosage of 6 gummies cost over $100. And it didn't work at all so it was money wasted. I expect a compounded gel would also be prohibitive for many men.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 17, 2023 9:05:09 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 15, 2023 17:36:58 GMT -5
welcome to the forum holdfast,...For many of us the staying option was our 1st choice. But for many if became untenable as not only the intimacy vanished but also the respect needed between couples. And you are right about eye opening. I have seen all sorts of couples and relationships, that ended up sexless. It seems no one is immune. I wish you well as you continue to educate yourself and as you find your way to what will work for you going forward.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 13, 2023 9:49:31 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 12, 2023 9:28:46 GMT -5
My husband and I are so entwined financially that I can’t even begin to figure out how to tease the money apart. We both have pensions and a paid off house. If I was to leave, apartment costs are astronomical in my area. It would cripple both of us financially. I do regularly revisit finding NSA sex outside of marriage. I’m a bisexual woman so the field is open. I dread the thought of dying without having more sex in my life. I do find it ironic that my husband wants a lot of what he calls intimacy (hugs, touches, holding) which all comes from me….yet there is no sex or openness to my needs. Your post should reinforce to any lurker or passerby that ending up with a refusing spouse isn't limited to heterosexual couples. On the old EP site, I remember one poster in a long-term lesbian relationship who faced this issue. The description and behaviors of her partner could have been those most avoidant males. Your post is somewhat unique from the perspective of the medical condition that may be part and parcel of he behaves as he does. Even so it doesn't do anything to relieve you of being forced into celibacy. It's always noteworthy to note so many refusers also refuse to allow their partners to seek intimacy outside the marriage. I understand some may fear the outsourcing spouse may fall in love or the new partner may be lightyears ahead when it comes to skills. My X was the same. She didn't want any real intimacy and she was adamant I should not have a FWB. She preferred a divorce over another woman in the bed. It's incredable how selfish our partners are in this regard.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 10, 2023 7:20:57 GMT -5
I am a little bit late with this one but I couldn't wait a whole yr. to post... Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 7, 2023 11:34:56 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 6, 2023 7:52:12 GMT -5
ADDENDA ADDENDA 2: (8/1/2022) -Planning a good marriage should probably be a lot more like planning a war against a superior enemy, rather than a party. Face the prospect with trepidation, resolve, gritted teeth, a mental flak jacket, and a sense of purpose that any hardship will be worth the price of the principle. Is your buddy in the foxhole with you up to it? It has to be okay to admit to yourself that they aren't. -Shit, I forgot the other one. I'll be back. This is a really good take on the reality of what marriage can really be like. This or some form of this should be a pre-requisite of pre-marriage counselling. And what about #3? Did you ever remember it or did you forget you forgot about it?
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 4, 2023 13:06:04 GMT -5
Just think if the story of the garden of Eden was to have taken this turn..I'm sure the ladies would be happy if the man got the bad rap... Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 4, 2023 9:54:24 GMT -5
I was tempted to say you are reading too much into it. But after a few minutes getting ready to write I am now thinking perhaps there is a communication breakdown. Do you have any idea of what her proposed renewal of vows might entail. Is it a redo of your original marriage vows or something you two might say if the wedding was to be held today? If the latter, then putting your honest thoughts and emotions into the script should not be anything along the lines of entrapment. The entrapment and sucker-punch comes from my having declined the renewal, then accepting, only to offer something that gives me wiggle room if ever she goes celibate again. It gets me what I would need at the expense of what she wants. Excusable if it's her idea, scuzzy if it's now my suggestion. I agree to the "renewal of vows", only to change them, not renew the existing ones. The vows I'd like to essentially switch to would subtly clarify that our relationship with one another will be a physical one. The exclusivity depends on it. It cannot be so subtle she doesn't understand what I'm expecting and that outsourcing is part of what she's agreeing to if teh physical part dwindles unacceptably. I don't think that's what most folks wanting to renew vows are thinking about. The approach I would take is to ask what "To Have and To Hold" means for her. Just let that sink in a little. If it goes sideways, she'll look very sad and say "Forget it." and never bring it up again. That is not a win. As it stands, I've said our vows are forever and at least that expresses confidence in my commitment to her, which is not all bad. I stayed through four years or more of sexless marriage because of those vows. I did not know she'd grow celibate then. I know now. Renewing vows without that honesty would be marrying under the same conditions with far better knowledge of the consequences. If she went celibate again and the words "forsaking all others" was freshly sworn, how much worse would it seem? How much more my faithlessness? Learning about the "Atlas of the Heart" by Brene Brown recently. Wondering where my emotions of "other" are here. Just to be sure I understand. She wishes to renew the vows you spoke decades ago. She is asking you to recommit to the status quo of minimal physical expression (PIV), basically on her schedule and to recommit to monogamy with her. This reads as a bit one sided to me. What assurance does she give you that she will not return to refusing at some point in the future? Then what would be your response to basically having been "played"? Would you be looking to break those vows, and in the process demonstrate possibly you weren't really "all in" as the saying goes. If I am understanding what she is asking for then if it were me I would just be non-committal until forced by her to voice a "yea or nea" on the renewal. And I don't think she could fault you for being a bit pro-active in trying to pre-emptively deal with the aspect of her being in the celibate boat, dragging you along with her.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 3, 2023 8:53:42 GMT -5
I'm guessing that women could be successful at this since women looking online for fwb or hook-ups are in short supply. It's not likely men can do this. Why? Even if she's homely or overweight, any woman who's on-line looking for a fwb or hook-up is going to be deluged with offers from men whose photos she can see. She'd have no reason to waste her time with a man who hasn't even posted a pix. When it comes to married men of mature age -- say, 45 and up-- they are lucky to be able to find a non hooker sex partner on-line. When it comes to married or unmarried women, they can pick and choose. (I think the opposite exists for single mature men and women who are looking for longterm partners. Men have the advantage then because the older people get, the more men are outnumbered by women.) As I mentioned before, my woman friend, 71, who could pass for a good looking 58, has hook-ups with good looking men in their 40s. Her most recent was a firefighter in his early 40s. She showed me his pix. He could be a model. She doesn't post a picture of herself, just posts a general description and a fake age (58). She likes to pursue men so she looks at men's pictures and messages those whose looks and age appeal to her. She prefers men in their 40s because she says they are more likely than older men to be able to get it up. When she connects with a man who has a picture up and responds in an interesting way (not with a dick picture or a canned line like, "Hello, Sexy, let's fuck"), she then lets him see her picture. They meet for coffee and conversation and show each other their drivers licenses (so she knows his real name) If his picture misrepresented him, she ends the date quickly without revealing anything about herself. If things go well,at the end, they kiss, and if she feels chemistry, she sets up a meeting at her place for another time. She says she has rejected men she didn't feel chemistry with, but no man has rejected her for that reason. She thinks that chemistry isn't that important to men: availability is. I think that before meeting for sex, she also Googles him to make sure he's not some kind of a criminal. I take exception to your 1st paragraph above. And I think your paragraphs following the 1st support me. My experience this last year with women in my age demographic has been telling me that their main interest is just dating and having a nice platonic friendship as their immediate goal on a dating site. Those few who are interested in an intimate relationship are likely to pick a younger male since he is more likely to have the sexual stamina she is looking for. And as you and others have noted a woman who is still sexually active after age 60 can have her pick of men, as there are far greater numbers of men pursuing sex than women offering it. I have concluded that ratios have little relevance in the online dating world. Even if women far outnumber men in my age demographic, it is meaningless if the women are not interested in intimacy or if they are they choose to go with a younger male. Your friend is an excellent example. So I have gone back to looking for opportunity in the real world. Not only does it cut down on wasted effort in trying to contact and initiate a conversation via electronic means. It provides immediate results, either positive or negative. One knows right away if a woman is interest in more than being pen pals. My advice to a mature or senior member is to take advantage of the opportunities that come his/her way when out and about or when shopping. That seems to be what works the best for me. Of course, YMMV.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Dec 31, 2022 20:58:50 GMT -5
Hey King, long time no see. Glad to hear all is well. Question... Do you get the shots or do you do pellets? I did the shots for a while but it's a pain going in every week. Also the ups and downs through the week (up right after the shot, down right before the shot) were noticiable. I get bioidentical testesterone pellets now. It's every 5 months or so, but the timed release of it keeps things good and steady. Just.curious which route you go with. Why are you going in every week for the medication? Why doesn't your MD write a prescription for you and then you could give yourself the shot? You could avoid the high/low effect by taking 1/2 the dose early in the week and the rest later toward the end of the week.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Dec 30, 2022 12:09:55 GMT -5
mirrorchild: Have you considered bringing up the vow renewal again with your wife, and then talking about what you'd want included? Just because you declined her offer before doesn't mean it's too late to still do it -- and to do it with the kind of vows that you want. Y'know, at this point, I'm concerned it would feel like entrapment. I'd appear to be on board, but have this poison pill ready. If she's all gooshy romantic about it, and I end up putting a big ol' price tag on it in terms of meeting my needs? I think she'll feel sucker-punched. Not cool, given what I have experienced as earnest effort from her to be physically closer for over three years now. I was tempted to say you are reading too much into it. But after a few minutes getting ready to write I am now thinking perhaps there is a communication breakdown. Do you have any idea of what her proposed renewal of vows might entail. Is it a redo of your original marriage vows or something you two might say if the wedding was to be held today? If the latter, then putting your honest thoughts and emotions into the script should not be anything along the lines of entrapment.
|
|