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Post by northstarmom on Nov 12, 2023 19:03:20 GMT -5
greatcoastal: You don't date women who drink at all? Why? That certainly cuts down your prospects in places where dancing occurs. It's not hard now to avoid smokers but it's far harder to avoid drinkers.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 9, 2023 16:34:51 GMT -5
catlover, I'm glad you got support at the conference you went to and learned that what you're going through as a caregiver isn't unique to you.
I hope you will keep in touch with some of the caregivers you met so you can vent and give each other support.
I also hope that you'll arrange for a temporary caregiver for your wife so you take some trips by yourself or even have a staycation where you live. As you heard, self care is important. You are important and shouldn't always be in a position to give.
I hope you recover quickly and completely from Covid.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 8, 2023 11:25:07 GMT -5
Just ask for her address. No excuse needed.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 8, 2023 11:24:07 GMT -5
There is a great book, Masquerade, in which the witches are trying to find the baddy. They ask everybody the same question, if you house is on fire what one thing would would you bring out. The baddy's reply is, "what would you like me to bring out?" That is me, I have had my dreams kicked out of myself so many tines and my requests refused that I no longer know what they are or dare to ask. How can I get a life when I never lived? You are alive still and reasonably healthy so you can choose to explore new things and find out what you like. The only person's permission you need is your own. I was involuntarily unemployed for a long time during my marriage and I was very depressed because I liked working. I was so depressed I had no idea of even ordinary things like what my favorite color was or what types of things I liked to do for fun. So --with the help of a good therapist (something for you to consider doing again. This was perhaps my 4th therapist during my life, and she ended up being the one who helped the most), I started exploring different things. That way I learned what I liked and what I didn't like. This included trying things that either I hadn't had a chance to do when I was young even though those things interested me or trying things that just seemed like possible fun. Things I tried ranged from running (I literally placed last behind a woman running in a hoop skirt and high heels and a man in a wheelchair. Needless to say, I didn't continue that hobby) to being in a group of women who appreciated classical music (I like classical music, but, unlike me, these women were rich and descended from the founders of the city where I lived), to painting (I seem to lack talent), to drawing (fun, but lonely) to getting involved in acting, singing, dancing -- which ended up being where I found my peeps and partner and talents! I wish you'd spend the thought and time on yourself that you now spend worrying about your son and catering to your wife. Life is short. Even if you have only a few years left, you still could choose to do things that have the possibility of bringing happiness into your life. You are the only person who can do that -- but you have to turn your attention to yourself, not your wife or son.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 7, 2023 17:55:55 GMT -5
"I am wondering what superman hoe means."
Cumming on her back.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 2, 2023 20:47:07 GMT -5
Empathy from me, Angeleyes and Great Coastal. I haven't heard from my older son in 3 years, not even a birthday greeting. I have no idea why, but he's done the same to his dad --my ex-- and his brother.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 1, 2023 12:41:44 GMT -5
Lessingham, I wish you'd pay more intention to doing things under your control to improv your life. Your wife and son's behavior is not under your control, but you can workout, make friends, take trips by yourself, etc. When I think of your life, I feel sad for you not giving yourself a chance to live in more than misery. It's not your wife who is making you have such a constricted life. It's the choices you are making whether or not you choose to stay with her.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 1, 2023 12:36:46 GMT -5
"deadzone75 said: "Here are my 5 reasons why ANYONE doesn't date anymore:
1) People are bigger assholes than ever before 2) It's not as easy to fuck your co-workers in 2023 like it used to be back in the good 'ol days. 3) It's not as easy to fuck your co-workers in 2023 like it used to be back in the good 'ol days. 4) It's not as easy to fuck your co-workers in 2023 like it used to be back in the good 'ol days. 5) Thanks to social media, guys can now just hop on Twitch, check out some woman painting her tits with body paint, jerk off and go to bed because they have to get up early and go to work...where it's not as easy to fuck your co-workers like it used to be back in the good 'ol days. "
If all one is looking for is getting laid -- pay for a pro. I'm 72 and don't remember the "good old days" you seem to. I never viewed coworkers as people to fk. I did have longterm relationships, including a 34-year-old marriage with men I met on the job. I was a journalist. Journalists, particularly young ones, have schedules that change every week and they may have to be in the office as early as 6 some days, and they may have to stay as late as 2 am other days of the same week. Journalists ethically can't date their sources or people they cover. Thus, they tend to date each other, and that's not typically considered a problem unless one is supervising the other.
However, on any job, if one is just looking to get laid with coworkers, that was a problem back in the day and is a problem now.
Meanwhile, I think that basically you get from the world what you think the world has to offer. If you think all people are assholes, that's all you'll see. If you think that the world is full of interesting, nice people who could become your friends or eventual romantic partner, that's what you'll find, too.
My advice to anyone who wants to find relationships again is to heal yourself first: self help groups and books, therapy, meditation, getting involved in activities that you enjoy (not activities that you endure only to find a mate) whatever works for you.
If you are bitter, angry, and resentful, if you think that the majority of people of the gender you're attracted to are worthless, then that's what you'll find in the world: people whom you don't want to be around. Your attitude will be driving other types of people away.
It also helps a great deal to be single if you are a male because most women don't want to be only a fk buddy. And for many women, a come-on of, "My wife won't have sex with me," is a red flag of a man to avoid. They figure either you're lying, you are too cowardly to divorce or you are so bad in bed that your wife won't let you touch her.
Meanwhile, women who want no-strings sex are at a premium and can snag fk buddies who are younger and better looking than they are. I've mentioned that one of my women friends, age 72, is able to get sex partners who are 20 years younger than her, good looking, and in shape. They are willing to fk her even though she's older, and while she looks great for her age, would not be someone they'd probably consider for a long-term romantic relationship or even a romantic date. Women who are looking for only sex only can get better quality hook-ups than men can.
Single older men who are healthy, interesting, and can support themselves are at a premium. They tend to get snapped up fast or to be able to play the field. I know some who've met their romantic partners via dating apps.I know more who've met their romantic partners through activities that both of them enjoyed. The men weren't involved in the activities just to meet women. They really enjoyed their activities and continue to do them even after becoming romantically involved with someone.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 1, 2023 12:12:13 GMT -5
"northstarmom Being alone when venting pain is unpleasant."
One isn't alone here while venting pain. In fact, it's probably the safest place to vent as it's so anonymous that there's no reason to feel disloyal to your spouse or like you're coming on to someone or asking for a come-on. You can get real support here without fearing you'll be exposed in real life. You also get to connect with a variety of people who have had similar experiences and this gives you access to a variety of perspectives.
Frankly, I'd feel more exposed and untrusting in most cases while meeting someone from here in person because if they were male, I'd be concerned that they'd be more interested in having sex with me than venting. I've never been into sexting or talking about sex with partnered/married men or men I'm not in a romantic relationshp with. Even now that I've been out of my SM and happily partnered for 10 years, it's rare that I talk with anyone in person about my SM.
I've always felt comfortable here sharing my experiences because it's so anonymous. I don't even use the message function (Note to anyone who has messaged me here, I've never read your messages. I don't even open that part of ILIASM.). The one exception is that I've become social media friends with a couple of people whom I met on the predecessor of this site. We had a lot in common outside of having been in SMs. We never talk about our history of SM.
The only place I'd consider safer than here to vent about one's SM would be in individual therapy. Of course, people are different, so YMMV.
FWIW I am very active in social media in general. I've found that in general advice social media sites, the people who most post about being involuntarily sexless in their relationships are women.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 31, 2023 21:19:48 GMT -5
Just curious -- why can't you just privately message here? What's the need to meet in person?
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 31, 2023 12:05:41 GMT -5
Whatever his grown son's problem, Lessingham doesn't have to make his son's problems his problems nor does he have to do things like take care of his son's cats in his son's disgusting apartment. The time Lessingham is taking crying over his son, worrying about his son, and. helping his son would be better spent improving his own life by doing things he'd enjoy.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 31, 2023 12:03:10 GMT -5
You can add that I'm an American who lives in Mexico
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 31, 2023 12:02:03 GMT -5
This is the support group you're looking for. Maybe you also could ask here if there are persons in your area who are willing to chat one on one about being involuntarily sexless in their relationship.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 31, 2023 12:00:28 GMT -5
Since you are sexual and your partner is asexual, the gap you have is unbridgeable.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 30, 2023 4:17:45 GMT -5
Your son is lazy and has a disgustingly kept house. I don't understand why you'd agree to feed his cats. If he has $ for a vacation, he has money to pay for housecleaning and cat care. You keep choosing to be a martyr. Your tears would be better spent regretting how sad you allow your life to be.
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