|
Post by northstarmom on Dec 14, 2023 18:36:46 GMT -5
I've been on antidepressants (Cymbalta) for at least 15 years. It didn't decrease my libido or cause orgasm problems. If it had, I would have talked to my doctor and asked to try a different antidepressant.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Dec 10, 2023 8:37:25 GMT -5
I got divorced at age 61, 10 years ago. I have never regretted it. I also saw my mom out of fear and shame refuse to divorce my cheating father despite their sleeping separately for years and his having multiple affairs. During her 72s, she ended up being his caregiver for about 5 years after he had a series of strokes. By the time my dad passed away, my mom was so exhausted and depressed she wished to be dead, too. Most women outlive their partners. Many partners fall chronically ill before they die. You could end up like my mom.
Also, fwiw, my ex got kidney cancer a year after we divorced. He's lucky that it was caught early and he has been cancer free since, but I'm glad we were divorced and I didn't have to go through all of that with him. I wish him well but his health is no longer part of my responsibilities. When it comes to my own health, I'm better off not being married to him as my health improved greatly after divorcing him, and if I get sick, he would be the last person I'd want as my caregiver. He is a person who can lack empathy and who also denies serious problems.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Dec 7, 2023 12:34:37 GMT -5
Asking, "Is there a cure for asexuality," is like asking, "Is there a cure for being sexual?" I'd bet that the asexual partner wishes there were a cure for their partner's sexuality. In reality, however, the "cure" is that since the two people are incompatible as romantic partners they should end or open their marriage. Couples therapy isn't going to change this situation. Individual therapy would help the sexual partner realize that they are never going to have a mutually fulfilling sex life with their partner. Accepting that fact would allow them to make a decision that would give them the kind of life they want.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Dec 5, 2023 11:16:59 GMT -5
If legit members will post new threads or post on old legit threads that spammers have invaded that allows the spammer's posts to decline into oblivion. Just don't bother to post on spammers' threads because that gets others to pay attention to them.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 30, 2023 12:53:09 GMT -5
miestas: "There's more important things then sex right? It makes it sound like that's all I care about when I bring it up."
While there are more important things than sex in a marriage, sex is the only thing in most people's marriages that can only be obtained in your marriage. Otherwise, you are just roommmates, and that makes marital sex very important for people who like sex and are married. Lack of sex in such situations is an important, not a trivial, problem.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 30, 2023 11:18:14 GMT -5
GC: I agree you've opened the door very wide for her to respond by CLEARLY showing interest. She hasn't done that. So, I agree, she's not a prospect for you. I wonder if her flirtatious behavior before was to try to stake a claim on you that would discourage women who really are interested in you and would otherwise make themselves obviously available.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 29, 2023 11:34:31 GMT -5
GreatCoastal :"Could be? ( never thought about it that way?) Another testimony to men completely missing 'hints' and would prefer open communication!"
She was flirting. That was open communication. That's the way most women show their interest. She also showed her interest and her availability by saying how much she liked dancing with you.
I keep seeing you assume the worst instead of testing the waters. Your now late ex girlfriend was more obvious about her interest, but she also was a bit unbalanced, less unbalanced than your ex wife, but still unbalanced.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 19, 2023 17:44:36 GMT -5
Miestas: "I know exactly what you mean as I have done the same thing. I was disappointed, but carried on and made sure my wife had a great time. Despite that, she turned the episode into another excuse. “Maybe we better not. You were so devastated the last time when it didn’t work.” I was disappointed, but hardly “devastated”. More than half the fun for me is seeing my lady not being able to keep from squirming and bucking her hips. The more times, the better it is for me, so I still had a satisfying night. It floored me when she turned that around into yet another reason to not initiate or respond."
She's deliberately trying to make you anxious about whether you can perform. She wants you to be impotent so the sex she doesn't want to have with you is permanently off the table.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2023 15:02:26 GMT -5
Saw this on FB. The poster said that one man commented that those were, "the good old days!" This is an actual extract from a sex education textbook for girls, printed in the early 1960's in the UK.
“When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband's wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest Congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfillment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up, and apply your night-time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.” 0 comments
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2023 12:23:10 GMT -5
I wonder if my wife has had this all along? Intercourse is initially uncomfortable because she doesn't get lubricated very easily if at all enough. Does she use topical lubricants at all? Or the two of you count on mother nature alone? Pretty harmless to try. It's mandatory for Mrs. MirrorOrchid. It's not even 100% for her. She could really stand some estrogen cream, but she worries about the cancer risk. We're men, if we got Stage IV in five years but we could have regular nookie, we'd do it. Pathetically simple creatures. mirrorchid, women like me who like sex know that death is going to come some day for us whether or not we use estrogen. So, we use estrogen cream. Women who don't like sex or are meh about it don't use estrogen cream because they are glad to have an excuse not to have sex.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2023 11:54:41 GMT -5
Lessingham -- what stands out to me are the years you've put into vainly trying to change your wife and your son despite their horrendous treatment of you. Yet, you care so little about yourself that you spent only 4 years with therapists and trying out medications to get yourself in a position to do things under your control to improve your life. You also quickly give up when you start taking steps to be more independent of your wife such as exercising or seeing old friends, etc.
It can take a while to find the right therapist and medication so one can do things under your control to improve your life. However, neither therapy nor medication is a magic cure. One has to also take steps, not just vent or hope. The possibility of your changing your life for the better is good if you are willing to put the work in and if you understand you are the only person whom you can make change. You can't make other people change.
You remind me of Handy, who seemed to be a very nice man who was very supportive to others but never had the life he wanted. He died without having the life he wanted.
Lessingham, life is short. You are fortunate to still be healthy enough to be able to do things like exercise and travel independently. In terms of your health, what's ahead is probably downhill (especially if you are very stressed and aren't exercising), so if you want to make changes, now is the time to do so. Or you can choose to continue focusing on your wife and son and venting about them while life passes you by.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2023 11:36:38 GMT -5
lessingham: "I tried therapy and antidepressants. Can't say they helped. I was not one with the prozac nation, the pills barely cut it. Therapists were okayish but never got to the improving stuff, years of sitting there feeling a twit more than insights or breakthroughs. I tried three over about four years. So, there is just me, myself alone in the shit storm. It is the rule of three/three/three. A diet guy told me this and it seems to be a rule of life. Go on a diet or into therapy or pills say. A third of folk will have amazing results. A third will have "meh" results and a third will have no results whatsoever. I got the last."
If you put the time and effort into trying to improve your life (by taking little steps under YOUR control)that you put into taking care of, worrying about, and trying to change your wife and son, you would see progress. This could mean doing more exercising, doing more things outside of the house without your wife, trying different types of therapy or medication, etc. It literally took me decades to find the right therapist and medication, but when I finally did, I completely changed and now I'm living the life of my dreams. What happened was I learned to take responsibility for my own welfare and happiness and to not expect others to change or to live their lives in ways that I found comfortable.
Instead, you choose to be what therapists refer to as a "help-rejecting complainer." If you look at your own messages here you'll see how you repeatedly complain about the same problems but seldom take steps under your control to make your life better. Meanwhile, there will come a day in which your time really has run out for making positive changes. That will be because you'll no longer be physically or mentally capable of taking actions that you have the capability of taking now. You are lucky that you still have time to become the type of person you want to be and to live a life that makes you happy.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2023 11:04:05 GMT -5
"She went out of town for a few days to take care of some things and this is the first time of her going away that I believe I don't miss her and was looking forward to having time to myself."
I tested out how important being with my refuser was to me by suggesting that he take a 9-month sabbatical on another continent while I stayed in our house in Florida. I was so happy without him and never missed him. I had no problem living a happy life on my own. When he returned, I picked him up at the airport and felt no joy at seeing him. We went to dinner and we had little to say to each other. That should have been my proof that I wanted a divorce, but since I didn't find the predecessor to ILIASM, I wasn't privvy to the good advice here, including how important it is to talk to a lawyer before figuring out whether to divorce. I figured I'd have to stay married because I wouldn't be able to afford to divorce, but 2 years later, by chance I learned that I lived in a community property state and was entitled to half of our assets and debts. That's when I decided to file for divorce.
Divorce went through with no angst on either side. I've now been happily divorced and happily partnered with a great guy for 10 years.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 13, 2023 13:54:29 GMT -5
"Thanks to sexual harassment issues, many men have checked out of the work relationships. It's not worth the risk, and many women aren't happy with being ignored."
??I think that many women are happy not to be hit on in the workplace. It's really not fun to have men slap your butt or stare at one's boobs or make sexual remarks at you. While I have dated men I met at work, they didn't do anything that was sexual harrassment. We truly started out as friends.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 13, 2023 13:52:00 GMT -5
Accept that not having sex is more important to her than having sex is important to you. If having sex were more important to you, you wouldn't be with her.
|
|