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Post by northstarmom on Mar 4, 2024 17:27:28 GMT -5
worksforme, check out retirement homes but do use protection. "EXCLUSIVE: Experts warn of STI epidemic in RETIREMENT HOMES: Infection rates among seniors have quadrupled in some states over last decade — as doctors blame elderly DATING APPS, care-free attitudes and ease of access to Viagra STI doctors said they have seen frail seniors come into clinics with oxygen tanks Rates have doubled nationally among elderly in past decade - some states 4x " www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11969897/Frisky-seniors-Experts-warn-STI-epidemic-RETIREMENT-HOMES.htmlFWIW the sexually active senior women I know are very active with activities such as going to the gym, taking various classes, working part time, etc.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 29, 2024 21:48:40 GMT -5
Drycreek: "Likewise, if I give my wife 10 years of savings, then that is 10 years longer that I must work to have the same quality of retirement. I may not be so attached to the bank balance, but I’m very attached to having my retirement years."
Have you considered what if you die before you retire? None of us can count on tomorrow.....
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 29, 2024 0:15:45 GMT -5
I had a quick talk today about the trip...it turned into something much longer then expected. I said I don't want to go on the trip because of the cost but I also told her I don't want to end up frustrated. That became me being too focused on sex and putting too much pressure on her. She also said she feels like I don't want to spend time with her unless there's sex which devalues her. I've tried explaining again how important physical intimacy is but maybe it really is different for men and women? She's then asked if I'm looking for a way out.... I backed out again and said it's my hope that we can get to a more comfortable level of intimacy. That's pretty much how we ended. It's so God damn hard to say I want out. Because I don't really, I want more..from her. But she can't or won't give you more. What you're experiencing isn't a difference between men and women but a difference between you and your wife. I am 72 and like and expect regular sexual intimacy from my post SM partner of almost 11 years. When we go on vacation, we both see it as an opportunity for more intimacy and more special intimacy. This is the way we both are wired. My refuser husband wasn't wired this way. I was married to him for 34 years, the last 8 years of which were completely sexless. There also were years in which we had sex only once a year or had 3-5 years of having completely no sex. If i'd found ILIASM or its precursor site while married instead of a week after my divorce, I would have learned from the myriad of experiences here that my sexual expectations were normal and my husband and I were sexually incompatible and that wasn't something I could change.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 28, 2024 23:47:16 GMT -5
aquacat: "Just curious how debt distribution works in a divorce? I know each state is different if you're in the US."
I divorced in Florida almost 11 years ago. It was a community property state and normally, each partner would be responsible for 50% of the debt including debt on individual credit cards before they were frozen (not sure if that's the right term) as part of the divorce proceedings. By "frozen," I mean the amount of debt that existed during a specific point in the divorce proceedings. One could still use their individual cards, but the new debt wouldn't be split between the spouses.
Do talk to a lawyer.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 28, 2024 23:37:58 GMT -5
mirrorchid: What your wife did sounds promising, and I'm not one to give false hope in sexless marriages.
During the rare last times my now ex of 10 years was intimate with me as our marriage wound down (and we had no sex at all for the last 8 years of our marriage), he'd initiate when I was sound asleep and I'd groggly spread my legs and he'd do his thing while I struggled to wake up enough to enjoy it. It gave me no sexual satisfaction but I felt hope that maybe things were improving. They never did.
However, I have hope in your case because, despite my pleas, my ex didn't seek medical help. Your wife's setting an ob/gyn appointment is great news! Would she be willing to let you attend the appointment with her?
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 7, 2024 13:11:35 GMT -5
"I actually said this - "You need to understand - masturbation is NOT a replacement for sexual connection in a relationship. It's the same as me telling you to go into the bathroom and talk to yourself if you want emotional connection - take care of it yourself. And see how satisfying this is to you." I received a shocked look, but progress was made finally.
Some people just don't allow themselves to think sex is on the same level and need as emotional connection."
If one has to give this kind of explanation to a sexually experienced adult, they are probably either asexual, completely sexually turned off by you or they are lying about not understanding the emotional connection sex offers. They will never be sexually compatible with you.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 25, 2024 10:16:03 GMT -5
m76: "
That's a fair point, she may be dealing with other feelings. But what she has communicated to me is that there's nothing wrong with her and I need to change."
If my refuser had been that honest, I'd have left our marriage sooner. She has told you clearly who she is and what you can expect. It's up to you whether that's a deal breaker.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 12, 2024 12:48:35 GMT -5
worksforme2: "I can probably count on my 10 fingers the times a woman hads actually mentioned iintimacy of affection in their profiles. And I have seen at least a thousand+ profiles over the past few years. So less than 1 in a hundred. "
Even women very interested in physical intimacy aren't likely to blatantly mention it because that would attract dick picks and other types of vulgar messages.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 11, 2024 17:25:39 GMT -5
"In my limited experience I have found that counseling and counselors are a waste of time and money."
Not a waste of money if your partner's lack of interest in coming on time or doing things the therapist advises proves to you that they really don't give a damn. Then you know you've tried everything and can wash your hands of a marriage that isn't serving you.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 8, 2024 18:33:35 GMT -5
"Why, then, were people going to a place like Ashley Madison to seek out an affair? The usual reasons we might expect have been mentioned already—lack of love in their relationship, anger at their partner, or a feeling of neglect. Yet when asked about those reasons, participants did not score them very highly at all. Instead, it turned out that “sexual dissatisfaction was the most strongly endorsed motive for wanting an affair. Other commonly endorsed reasons included low commitment, autonomy (i.e., wanting freedom and independence), and a desire for a variety of sexual partners.” Now, many of the users surveyed had not been able to have an affair with someone yet on Ashley Madison. But for those who had succeeded, what were their feelings afterward? Here, too, the results were surprising, and arguably alarming. Emotional satisfaction was above a 4 out of 5, and sexual satisfaction was above 4.5. On the flip side, regret was rated very low—less than a 2 out of 5. In other words, these users tended to get what they wanted and not feel bad about it afterward." www.facebook.com/psychologytoday/posts/pfbid02UNysx6TtSvQ2DkdbkXYtDuXeFqkynGKjiG3rAFWZQv5YFMjotCKBbiSbhGjubaUKl?notif_id=1704755830761438¬if_t=notify_me_page&ref=notif
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 1, 2024 18:53:22 GMT -5
True. Some women use menopause as a reason to stop having the sex they aren't interested in.
Similarly, some men with ED refuse to get medical help because they're glad to be able to have a "legitimate" reason to give up sex.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 30, 2023 19:14:58 GMT -5
"The rolling of the eyes is the first part of DARVO."
It indicates contempt, the worst sign that a marriage is heading for a divorce within about 5 years.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 22, 2023 14:51:19 GMT -5
lr79: " Me and wife have argued pretty much every weekend for the last month and its silly things like housework, scuffed tyres on her car, her fretting over silly things with her job that then blow up and always come back to how we haven't had children yet because of her wanting to qualify to be nurse at uni 5 years ago
My feeling is having been together 14 years married for 9.5 we should NOT still be waiting to start a family it should have happened LONG ago"
It sounds like a bad situation in which to raise kids.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 19, 2023 16:02:25 GMT -5
aquacat said: "Women rely on men not speaking about this openly because they would look emasculated, they get to hide their little secret and abuse - While men act like an abused spouse and make excuses for the abuse just like a battered wife does. "
Men who are refusers also rely on women not to speak openly about this. After all, society thinks that all men are horndogs ready for sex all of the time. Rejected women fear that if they talk openly about their sexless marriages, others will think something is wrong with the woman. Maybe she is awful in bed or has some kind of horrible odor, or maybe she is some kind of nympho.
It was only when I started speaking openly about this to close women friends that I learned that I was normal to want sex; something was wrong with my husband for denying me sex for years; and the situation of going years without sex wasn't something that most of my women friends would have tolerated. Yes, they thought it was reason to be unhappy or even to leave the marriage.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 15, 2023 20:16:24 GMT -5
m76 I hope you're taking your son with you or at least offering him that option.
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