mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 23, 2016 10:48:20 GMT -5
I still see my ex husband but find it difficult because he is so negative. He repeatedly tells me how much he loves me and that he wishes he could have prevented our divorce. I know he is genuinely miserable and misses our life but by the time he wanted to make a difference I had completely lost any and all sexual attraction to him. It's hard to stay friends with someone who still overwhelms me with texts and phone calls wanting to know where I am, what I am doing - all in the guise of 'caring about my health' and 'looking out for me'. I understand that my health and history makes him anxious but it can annoy me. The other thing is that I hope things work out for you (OP). I met someone and we lived together for 2 years and have been 'semi detached' since January. I have written about my current relationship on the following thread if you are interested: iliasm.freeforums.net/thread/133/sexless-relationship
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 23, 2016 10:18:01 GMT -5
If that is so, why don't we hear about it? It really is a serious problem: both the total loss of life, and the near silence about it as a problem. Organisations that deal with suicide advise that publicising suicide is harmful, whether this is an individual suicide or more general material. There is research showing that after suicide is reported in the media there is often a spike in suicide. This is particularly the case for people with similar characteristics and the method. In the UK media are actively discouraged from reporting details of suicide and the method because of this risk. Here is just one link although there is a lot of research: bjp.rcpsych.org/content/197/3/234There isn't any evidence that media attention can prevent suicide, although raising awareness about mental health issues and how to get help may be beneficial. Even interviews and articles by and about experts in suicidology seems to raise suicide rates.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 23, 2016 6:04:17 GMT -5
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 22, 2016 3:33:07 GMT -5
I am not sure I want it to turn around anymore. I just don't know anymore. Sad to think she is killing the thing with out even thinking about it. Should not be a surprise to her when it all implodes. My ex husband still said he had no idea and was devastated.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 22, 2016 3:31:06 GMT -5
I stayed in my bedroom a lot. My ex husband stayed downstairs until very, very late at night. That way he was sure I was asleep as I left the house early for work.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 18, 2016 15:33:03 GMT -5
My marriage was also wonderful in every other respect. In the end though I met someone else. I was the one with the serious medical issues and afterward some suggested that maybe that was part of the reason we were sexless. He treated me as a piece of delicate china and was so caring. We didn't have sex before my diagnosis though and I think that it became just another excuse.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 18, 2016 14:51:36 GMT -5
I stayed on for 15 years - it was endurance, not coping.
And here I am over 2 years later still dealing having been mindf***ed for most of my life.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 17, 2016 10:22:54 GMT -5
It also helps to know that sometimes when someone leaves and gets a sexually active relationship they take their problems with them. I left a SM and had great sex for over 2 years and am now back in a sexless 'relationship'. Still trying to sort my own problems out.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 17, 2016 10:17:54 GMT -5
That craving for physical affection - let alone intimacy - sucks. I used to go for a full body massage when it got really bad and sometimes a foot massage or head massage helps. I don't know if you know the sitcom Frasier (one of my favourites). The two male leads (brothers) both go through dry patches and in one episode Niles talked about how you can tell the level of sexual frustration someone is experiencing by how often they head to get their nails done. “Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. When you see a man who’s well-groomed, you can bet he’s not getting any.”
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 17, 2016 7:46:52 GMT -5
That's not what the article, or Saul of Tarsus for that matter implies. The implication is that it should always be the man who leads and the woman who submits. Why? It could be regarded as a rule of thumb. Kinda like the rule that the Umpire is always right in a tennis match. It saves time and energy!
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 17, 2016 6:02:04 GMT -5
Yes. Trying to answer the question 'why' is a fast way into the rabbit hole. Sometimes you just have to deal with the observable behaviour and leave the psychology to their therapist or interested amateurs with nothing to lose. LOL
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 17, 2016 2:51:41 GMT -5
Is this a general query about sexless relationships or do you have anyone in mind?
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 14, 2016 16:57:44 GMT -5
There is certainly a deep and abiding sense of something being wrong with me. I look at the women that I know who are not in a sexless marriage and they have something different - a sense of confidence and entitlement. Or perhaps I am projecting?
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 14, 2016 11:49:57 GMT -5
I am INFJ but have a very healthy sexual appetite. I was more lonely in sexless relationships than out of them!
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 14, 2016 11:48:32 GMT -5
In the spirit of what we've been talking about in this thread... I hope you all have someone like this in your life, and I'm grateful for the support I am finding here. :-) Unfortunately my XH was that person. Now I am alone apart from acquaintances and my SO - who I can't rely on.
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