mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on May 11, 2016 10:32:02 GMT -5
I posted this in a reply on another thread but I think that it deserves repeating. In a SM we are systematically starved of the one thing that only our partner can provide while we are still married. If they were starving us of food, water or money would we stay? There are several studies showing that if you keep babies fed, clean and safe but don't cuddle them or give them affection they grow up with severe development delays. Animal studies that involve depriving them of affection and social contact from birth show that being starved of this kind of attention causes major damage to cognition, socialisation and is linked to self harming and aggression. The message is that affection is a fundamental part of human experience and is a need like any other.
We are also modelling dysfunctional relationships to our children and perhaps condemning future generations to this kind of abuse. I am a product of a dysfunctional marriage and I am certain that it screwed me up. Anecdotal I know but lots of evidence supports the importance of childhood experiences in forming adult relationships.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on May 11, 2016 10:23:46 GMT -5
I had a husband who did everything for me and treated me like royalty.....but he would not have sex and hugs were like hugging a brother. He wouldn't kiss me on th lips either. I agonised for years then fell in love with another man and walked away from the marriage. I don't regret it. Incompatibility is a good reason for divorce. You are being systematically starved of the one thing that only she can give you while you are married to her. If she was starving you of food, water or money would you stay? Did you know that there are several studies showing that if you keep babies fed, clean and safe but don't cuddle them or give them affection they grow up with severe development delays? Animal studies were this has been done in controlled conditions show that being starved of affection causes major damage to cognition, socialisation and is linked to self harming and aggression.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on May 11, 2016 10:15:34 GMT -5
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on May 9, 2016 14:59:23 GMT -5
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on May 4, 2016 1:18:15 GMT -5
It's not unusual to develop that feeling of repulsion after years of refusal. I experienced the same thing with my ex husband. I still see him (because I feel guilty!) and I can't stand him hugging me. In fact physically I do not feel any attraction at all. It seems as if something switched off after years of living like a brother and sister or room mates.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on May 1, 2016 2:21:32 GMT -5
It probably is easier for women to find men to have sex with them.......but not many of those men are the type who women actually want to have sex with!
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 29, 2016 15:41:47 GMT -5
Oh you know panties matching my bra and I also wear black underwear with dark clothing or white with T shirts/blouses. Like most women I have weekend underwear, gym underwear, work underwear. I like knowing I have great underwear on, especially at work!
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 29, 2016 15:18:21 GMT -5
I don't find granny panties the most comfortable at all. In fact the way they reach up to your waist and feel saggy around your butt are downright uncomfortable. I'm a thong or high leg low rise woman and I always wear matching underwear. I like nice underwear as it makes me feel good. I also like being panty less and prefer to sleep naked...
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 29, 2016 10:38:11 GMT -5
OK. My experience is that I need time to cool off. As long as my partner understands that we will resolve the issue when we are both more calm I don't see a problem with a strategic retreat. Believe me, when I lose my temper I am very scary - not violent but a danger to myself and my relationship as I can become irrational and impulsive. Kudos to anyone who knows what works for them.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 29, 2016 10:30:18 GMT -5
What makes you think that a married woman wants 'feelings and shit'? Are you saying that women can't or won't have a purely sexual relationship? She may be a sociopath too!
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 26, 2016 0:44:56 GMT -5
The writer sounds very self centred and pleased with herself. Perhaps she is talking to the journalist because she thinks she's clever and will never get caught?
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 24, 2016 2:18:03 GMT -5
I think any situation which causes emotional, physical or practical difficulties can contribute to someone killing themselves. It seems clear to me that if a person feels significant rejection and has exhausted their coping strategies then suicide may be an outcome. This is particularly the case with sexless relationships as people often also feel isolated. That's one reason this site is so important.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 24, 2016 2:12:48 GMT -5
It's the feeling of being worthless that drives some people to suicide. They aren't in any real pain. They simply see no value in their existence. You can't know that. There a lot of reasons for suicide and one of those is overwhelming emotional pain.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 23, 2016 13:25:58 GMT -5
Passive aggressive would be 'I bet they're having a great time.' and a hard stare.
I grew up with passive aggressive parents and became quite good at it myself until I learned to be assertive.
Yours is a direct, honest statement....however, showing someone pictures of sex acts when they don't want to see them is a form of harassment and abuse. Obviously I don't know the context.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
Posts: 88
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Post by mathdoll on Apr 23, 2016 11:01:44 GMT -5
I think that there is adifference between positive thinking and the 'law of attraction'. Developing optimism and reducing negative thinking have been shown to be helpful in lost of ways. The way that you habitually think also has an impact on your feelings and behaviour - both positively and negatively. When I can I try and replace my negative thoughts with more reasonable or positive ones. I also work on my posture and appearance as they also have an effect. As for The Secret etc? In my mid twenties I had a period of reading about and practicing a lot of creative visualisation (the precursor to The Secret) and I certainly felt better and more optimistic. I am concerned however about the implications of believing wholeheartedly in the law of attraction. Barbara Ehrenreich's book Smile or Die is a good place to start with that.
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