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Post by DryCreek on Feb 5, 2018 9:15:57 GMT -5
We all know the very common ILIASM recipe... Spouse imposes a sexual mandate that we hate; we comply for the sake of keeping the marriage or because we feel trapped. Eventually, this eats at us to the point that we can't tolerate it, and destroying the marriage is the better alternative - eager, even.
It might take years or decades. Then one day the nuclear option occurs. Spouse is shocked and tries to unwind the damage superficially, but it's too far gone.
We know this recipe as a sexless marriage. Manman's wife knows it as coerced sex.
I don't see that the two are very different, nor that their outcomes will be any different. Whether the mandate is declared once or daily makes little difference - the behavior is still imposed, and backlash is inevitable.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 5, 2018 12:19:09 GMT -5
I note manman 's wife has not yet commented about her transformation. I put a lot of pressure on my wife in 2017. I asked her to do a lot of things she did not want to do, to the point where she asked me to stop doing things she did not want to do. I would like to know his wife's thoughts. I hope she accepts his invitation to tell us.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 5, 2018 13:31:35 GMT -5
I am thrilled by the manman-method. Not. Words that come to my mind are emotional blackmail, coercion, spousal abuse, bully. Certainly not words like respect, love, intimacy, passion. You cannot coerce love, desire, intimacy. You just fucking can't. If you're happy with coerced sex, then that's .... um, ok for you, but is it ok for your bonded mate? It's not ok in my world; certainly not desirable. Worse than a shit sandwich. Certainly wouldn't float my boat. Anger and despair are not the kind of passions I want to elicit. And, to go on record here, I've come across men with "manman's" 'sensibilities'. I cut people like that out of my life. I have nothing to say to an emotional gamma-minus, nor do they have any relevant revelations for me, except that part of the 'human race' barely qualifies. They have an emetic effect on me, if anything. Whilst I agree in principle with what you say (I really get it), I beleave manman is trying to emphasise that ‘he is important too’. In some ways all he is saying is “this is me, take me as I am or not as the case may be” We can all sit and argue that it’s never right to coerce someone in to having sex and we’d be right to do so. However it’s also never right to coerce someone in to celibacy. For all we know, manman’s wife may well experience a responsive desire for sex once the act begins and thus all he is doing is demanding/coercing the act to begin where as under normal circumstances it wouldn’t. Again, I want emphasise the point that I agree with not bullying someone in to sex they don’t want but is it so bad to demand effort (often interpreted as bullying) in terms of actually making room to start having sex? I would say no. If once she gets going she really isn’t in to this then of course, the act must stop immediately. Sometimes it’s our ‘extremely good nature’ and lack of willingness to request effort that gets us in to the type of mess in the first place. For example... Before I got married I should have been way more demanding in respect of sex and if denied, I should have demanded some rationale. This would have been described as bullying or coercion by many but is it? She would have been forced to tell me one of the following: I don’t desire you I don’t desire sex full stop Both of the above At least I would have been able to say “thanks for being honest, weddings off”. Unfortunately I simply went along with it and made excuses for her (genuinely believing it was just a phase). We can’t judge this properly until manman’s wife gives her views.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 5, 2018 15:42:00 GMT -5
I am thrilled by the manman-method. Not. Words that come to my mind are emotional blackmail, coercion, spousal abuse, bully. Certainly not words like respect, love, intimacy, passion. You cannot coerce love, desire, intimacy. You just fucking can't. If you're happy with coerced sex, then that's .... um, ok for you, but is it ok for your bonded mate? It's not ok in my world; certainly not desirable. Worse than a shit sandwich. Certainly wouldn't float my boat. Anger and despair are not the kind of passions I want to elicit. And, to go on record here, I've come across men with "manman's" 'sensibilities'. I cut people like that out of my life. I have nothing to say to an emotional gamma-minus, nor do they have any relevant revelations for me, except that part of the 'human race' barely qualifies. They have an emetic effect on me, if anything. Whilst I agree in principle with what you say (I really get it), I beleave manman is trying to emphasise that ‘he is important too’. In some ways all he is saying is “this is me, take me as I am or not as the case may be” We can all sit and argue that it’s never right to coerce someone in to having sex and we’d be right to do so. However it’s also never right to coerce someone in to celibacy. For all we know, manman’s wife may well experience a responsive desire for sex once the act begins and thus all he is doing is demanding/coercing the act to begin where as under normal circumstances it wouldn’t. Again, I want emphasise the point that I agree with not bullying someone in to sex they don’t want but is it so bad to demand effort (often interpreted as bullying) in terms of actually making room to start having sex? I would say no. If once she gets going she really isn’t in to this then of course, the act must stop immediately. Sometimes it’s our ‘extremely good nature’ and lack of willingness to request effort that gets us in to the type of mess in the first place. For example... Before I got married I should have been way more demanding in respect of sex and if denied, I should have demanded some rationale. This would have been described as bullying or coercion by many but is it? She would have been forced to tell me one of the following: I don’t desire you I don’t desire sex full stop Both of the above At least I would have been able to say “thanks for being honest, weddings off”. Unfortunately I simply went along with it and made excuses for her (genuinely believing it was just a phase). We can’t judge this properly until manman’s wife gives her views. Here! Here!
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Post by petrushka on Feb 5, 2018 16:51:19 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind betting that - if the story has any credibility - the recipient of this "pressure strategy" would be quietly biding their time, consulting a lawyer, getting their exit strategy together, shoring up their support network and researching everything they can find about helping kids transition through a divorce. And, when the opportunity arises, pissing off, never to return. OR she could be sharpening the Ginzu knife. So many folk (here) don't go the lawyer route, for whatever reason. Battered woman / boiled frog syndrome happens to some and then, eventually, as someone put it, the avalance breaks loose.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 5, 2018 18:33:56 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind betting that - if the story has any credibility - the recipient of this "pressure strategy" would be quietly biding their time, consulting a lawyer, getting their exit strategy together, shoring up their support network and researching everything they can find about helping kids transition through a divorce. And, when the opportunity arises, pissing off, never to return. But is this part of manman’s back up exit strategy? I can leave or I can demand better and either get a genuine better or you leave. Win win. So long as he has been wise with his finances and not left thousands in a personal savings account.
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Post by ihadalove on Feb 5, 2018 18:36:47 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind betting that - if the story has any credibility - the recipient of this "pressure strategy" would be quietly biding their time, consulting a lawyer, getting their exit strategy together, shoring up their support network and researching everything they can find about helping kids transition through a divorce. And, when the opportunity arises, pissing off, never to return. Either that or there's a serious language barrier here that's making this come off as cold and borderline sociopathic.
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Post by baza on Feb 5, 2018 23:40:42 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind betting that - if the story has any credibility - the recipient of this "pressure strategy" would be quietly biding their time, consulting a lawyer, getting their exit strategy together, shoring up their support network and researching everything they can find about helping kids transition through a divorce. And, when the opportunity arises, pissing off, never to return. Either that or there's a serious language barrier here that's making this come off as cold and borderline sociopathic. That (something being lost in translation) has occurred to me too ihadalove . It has also occurred to me that it is a made up story to fit in with a preconceived theory.
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 6, 2018 2:51:21 GMT -5
That (something being lost in translation) has occurred to me too ihadalove . It has also occurred to me that it is a made up story to fit in with a preconceived theory. A pipe dream seems likely. Or a very non-Western culture that empowers him to be heavy-handed without much risk of recourse. If she were facing the prospect of being penniless and a social outcast, she wouldn't have much option than to grin and bear it.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 6, 2018 4:04:18 GMT -5
That (something being lost in translation) has occurred to me too ihadalove . It has also occurred to me that it is a made up story to fit in with a preconceived theory. A pipe dream seems likely. Or a very non-Western culture that empowers him to be heavy-handed without much risk of recourse. If she were facing the prospect of being penniless and a social outcast, she wouldn't have much option than to grin and bear it. Personally I think the pipe dream option is more likely. The very non-western culture idea is less credibile to me because it wouldn’t have got as far as him joining this forum. My understanding is that they consider woman as a form of property and no or little sex wouldn’t happen unless they were agreeable or it was their choosing.
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 7, 2018 3:22:20 GMT -5
I agree: soul mate shirts are cute and romantic. However, if I was a recipient, I'd assume everything was fine in my relationship. If you happen to be thinking that either sex improves or you divorce, she still may not realize the importance of sex to you and could feel shocked and hurt if a divorce ensues after you give her this. I think the way to increase her sexual desire is through gentle and kind gestures. I don't think I need to lift weights, or dress better, etc. I suppose I can buy her a toy that vibrates, haven't tried that. The manman method will likely detonate my marriage at this stage.
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