I'm going to give you some insight into Peter's world:
Get rid of that sense of entitlement.
The fact that I'm the one making the money - doesn't mean I am entitled to sex.
The fact that I am the one doing the cooking - doesn't mean I am entitled to sex.
If I do the vacuuming, the laundry, repair whatever is broken - doesn't mean I am entitled to sex.
If the crumbs on the chopping board bother me - I man up and clean it.
If the cat pukes outside the door - I man up and clean it.
If there's a pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen that bothers me or prevents me from cooking - I wash it.
If something is broken, I fix it.
I am not doing any of these things to earn entitlement points, I do them because they need doing and
I am an
adult, with some aspirations of being a responsible, capable adult.
Grow up already. (applies to me too: I have a passive aggressive mother in my past; something
I have to remind myself to get over from time to time). It's life: shit happens, deal with it, don't
wait around for the clean-up fairy to show up. You'll just get disappointed and pissed off.
Actually, my flatmate is much the same as me: if she sees something that needs doing, she does it.
Both of us have blind spots, naturally. It's not a tit for tat. It's not a business transaction.
Anyone who flaunts sex for vacuuming is a fake. And they will not deliver.
Yes, I entered into this relationship hoping for intimacy, love, passion - and expecting sex.
Wanting to share mine.
So she's gone off sex, she has problems with intimacy and passion. She still loves me. She tries
her best by me, and her best is the best I can hope for. This is another
person we are talking about,
with feelings, aspirations, a world-view of her own. She is not here to live up to my expectations.
Now, if she were to still be abusive, if she were leeching only, lying, cheating .... then I'd be out of here.
If I wasn't getting any of my needs and wants met, nada, nix, I'd be out of here. As it is I am living
with a flawed person with a 'broken wing' who loves me and does her best to be a responsible adult.
She genuinely cares for me.
I guess I have that over some of my fellow iliasmers. Just: explain 'green' to a blind from birth person.
But - I am not entitled to anything, I just have my sense of self worth and self respect and survival,
and I do what I do for myself, and because I want to.
If you have a spouse who doesn't want to carry their weight, then don't sit on your entitlement, but
figure out how you want your future to be, and what your real future is going to look like, and then make
a
decision about it. For yourself. Because you can't change them, as we all know.
I've posted this countless times: google the "Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls".