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Post by shamwow on Feb 3, 2018 21:42:37 GMT -5
Well mine kept the house where my son and I had to go with fly swatters and kill over 400 flies (we counted). This happened several times. Woah. I could have gone on with my list but, four hundred flies has me beat. That must be some serious shit. It was. However my son and I turned it into a kind of game. We got good enough where I could smack one and he'd hit it on the rebound. Or we would get 3 at a time (easy with the density involved). Or hit it hard enough to stun it into the sink and drown the bugger. My favorite was one in my daughter's room. She had a Justin Bieber cardboard cutout on her wall and the head had peeled forward a little. Fly was behind head. I gave ol Justin a light punch to the face and as a result killed the fly. Not everyone can claim to go fly Killin with Justin Bieber using the back of his head to finish one off. (brushing nails on chest) Edit: The really stupid part is when I got to this site I was like everyone else "everything is fine but the sex". Uh huh....
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 3, 2018 22:02:24 GMT -5
Lazy? Stacks of dirty dishes, stacks of clean dishes, stacks and hampers of laundry, every table, counter, and flat space covered with something, storage tubs full of deferred decisions,... I don't know. What do you think? That's how my house looks aftet two years of no sex. Sigh... I remember when I wanted to keep it clean. That shit stopped about a year ago. I don't care if he works all day to come home to a dirty house. I told him till he takes care of business, he can pay a maid or deal with it. Depression is a factor too. While watching tv, there is a steady flow of data to distract my conscious thoughts. While cleaning, my brain runs wild and I think WAY TOO MUCH, and start to feel amgry, panicked, and upset in general, and that is when I am likely to get pissy enough to make snide comments and be mean in general. Then I'll start screaming and stuff, which is not good for the baby. Being "lazy" on the couch, I stay sedated, and we don't fight. The downside is, we don't come to any resolutions either though.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 3, 2018 22:05:04 GMT -5
But I don't let it get to the point of bug infestations.... That's too much.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 4, 2018 9:54:19 GMT -5
But I don't let it get to the point of bug infestations.... That's too much. Uh the fly infestations happened WITH a maid coming every two weeks. Here's the kicker. Since the divorce she STILL has the maids come every 2 weeks even though she makes 36k per year. My child support is 25k per year. Seems to me she should be banking some of that child support money and teaching the kids how to pick up after themselves. Before the divorce they didn't know how to run a laundry machine or dishwasher. Now they know how to do both. They also know how to make a bed and run a vacuum cleaner. I'll teach them how to iron next. I set up a system of chores for them to earn money and they actually enjoyed it...for a time. Of course I only have them every other weekend and a couple days that week so my ability to influence them is limited. Couple that by the fact my my ex got both of them debit cards (including the 13 year old). On the cards the policy is "when it's empty let me know and I'll put on more money. Against that paying that kids a few bucks to do their own laundry has started to fall pretty flat. In time the ex will blow through the entire $300k she got in the divorce but not before she has totally screwed up the kid's work ethic and how they view money (it's unlimited). So the flies actually weren't the worst thing. Nor the laundry avalanche. Sadly I could take action on those. The real tragedy is she uses the money I earned working 2-5 jobs at a time to implant a screwed up vision of how the world works into our kid's heads. And being the female she is assumed to be the custodial parent so my ability to influence them otherwise is limited. Ironic, right? Irony or not though, I am still doing my best. Even if I can't motivate them I can still model to them. Better than nothing.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 4, 2018 16:38:13 GMT -5
... And being the female she is assumed to be the custodial parent so my ability to influence them otherwise is limited. Ironic, right? Irony or not though, I am still doing my best. Even if I can't motivate them I can still model to them. Better than nothing. Ah, that maternal privilege. My W is going to fight 50/50 custody because she is the mom, and I will spending too much time at work earning money to pay her alimony to be a dad.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 16:53:44 GMT -5
Uh the fly infestations happened WITH a maid coming every two weeks. I will never understand the stay at home moms with maids. In my 14 years at home raising kids full time, never once did I have a house cleaner, window washer, meal, grocery, or laundry service. That’s what I stayed home for - all that plus kids. It was my full time job. I confess, I don’t have much respect for the women who hire all of that done AND stay home. But it could be I’m just jealous! For the men on here who are paying for those services and have stay at home wives AND are not getting sex?? That’s a serious entitlement complex you’re living with. I’m very sorry for any of you fellas in that boat.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 4, 2018 16:57:26 GMT -5
^^^^^ My W had a stick in her craw for years about me cancelling the cleaning service her mother signed us up for.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 17:03:28 GMT -5
^^^^^ My W had a stick in her craw for years about me cancelling the cleaning service her mother signed us up for. Did she stay home? Who are these women?? Royal princesses much?? Good grief! I’m so sorry ironhamster. Glad you found courage to move on.
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 4, 2018 17:29:10 GMT -5
For the men on here who are paying for those services and have stay at home wives AND are not getting sex?? That’s a serious entitlement complex you’re living with. I’m very sorry for any of you fellas in that boat. Believe me, it's a lot easier to see in hindsight or from the outside. It starts out innocently... maid service to ease the burden of a new infant. And then paid daycare "for the social interaction", even though she's a full-time SAHM. Lots of take-out / dining out because life's so busy... When this has been the picture, it's easy to be bitter about the prospect of paying a large alimony for decades.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 4, 2018 18:07:34 GMT -5
^^^^^ My W had a stick in her craw for years about me cancelling the cleaning service her mother signed us up for. Did she stay home? Who are these women?? Royal princesses much?? Good grief! I’m so sorry ironhamster. Glad you found courage to move on. I put her through for her Masters. I had expected her to work, but she never worked in her field. She did some work for a local non-profit, part time, for maybe six months or so. Other than that, she has been a housewife. Cushy job, I guess.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 4, 2018 18:39:43 GMT -5
^^^^^ My W had a stick in her craw for years about me cancelling the cleaning service her mother signed us up for. Did she stay home? Who are these women?? Royal princesses much?? Good grief! I’m so sorry ironhamster. Glad you found courage to move on. Some of these women are just pissed off and depressed and have refused to do their "job" (housework) until the husband starts doing his "job"(putting out).
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Post by h on Feb 4, 2018 18:49:47 GMT -5
Did she stay home? Who are these women?? Royal princesses much?? Good grief! I’m so sorry ironhamster. Glad you found courage to move on. Some of these women are just pissed off and depressed and have refused to do their "job" (housework) until the husband starts doing his "job"(putting out). That sounds one sided. My W does almost no housework and is hardly ever interested in me.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 4, 2018 18:50:47 GMT -5
Did she stay home? Who are these women?? Royal princesses much?? Good grief! I’m so sorry ironhamster. Glad you found courage to move on. Some of these women are just pissed off and depressed and have refused to do their "job" (housework) until the husband starts doing his "job"(putting out). I am not begrudging you. You're making a statement which, for whatever reason your H still cannot come up with even with the help of a counselor, continues to go unheard.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2018 19:36:26 GMT -5
I can add a little to this, being a stay at home dad for 19 yrs. (employed part time) There was a time when we had a house cleaning service come over once every two weeks. It lasted less than a year (maybe less than 6 months-it was a long time ago) But I do know it was the time when my little children where , new born, 2 1/2 and 4 yrs old. Our new born was colicky (allergic reactions to dairy products, milk) and needed constant, steady holding and constant moving around to stop the screaming, while dealing with two others in pull ups and potty training. A hand full. Yet to get the most out of the cleaning service, everything had to be put away and straightened before they showed up. So the house had to be cleaned so it could be cleaned!
Things got better with time and it was no longer needed.
We then went on to adopt more and more children. I remember watching an elderly neighbor take care of another neighbors 2 younger kids while their mom was a stay at home mom, with her psychology degree. She would go home to take naps during the middle of the day because she "couldn't handle" being with her kids during the day, it would wear her out ( the same woman who would do aerobics at the gym daily and was in prime fit condition) . Her H was a full time pilot and was gone a few days at a time. They paid to have everything done at their house. I would be outside raising, teaching, and maintaining my 6 by myself during the day as I watched this unfold across the street, just shaking my head.
My daughter would go over to their house to play with their younger daughter. She would come home and tell me how they had to always take their shoes off, all the rooms they where not allowed to be in, and how ridiculously clean and never used everything was. They are divorced now.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 4, 2018 19:39:21 GMT -5
For the men on here who are paying for those services and have stay at home wives AND are not getting sex?? That’s a serious entitlement complex you’re living with. I’m very sorry for any of you fellas in that boat. Believe me, it's a lot easier to see in hindsight or from the outside. It starts out innocently... maid service to ease the burden of a new infant. And then paid daycare "for the social interaction", even though she's a full-time SAHM. Lots of take-out / dining out because life's so busy... When this has been the picture, it's easy to be bitter about the prospect of paying a large alimony for decades. Mine started because "we could afford it." Like you, I didn't question it. Sure we could afford it. And it was pitched as just something to help with the "detail work" like cleaning baseboards and the windows. It slowly morphed into vacuuming toilets laundry and the rest. But her argument of "well we can afford it" rang true and to not go along also has the implication that I view housework as "womans work". Ironically I did more of this type of work than she did. At least she didn't imply I would get any kind of reward for this (ie sex or intimacy of any kind). It was my "job" to provide these things. It was interesting that when I told her I was divorcing her that she only really started crying when I told her she would need to get a job.
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