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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 7, 2016 9:57:07 GMT -5
The most effective refusers use a combination of all the reset activities: sex, excuses, pleas for more time, empty gestures signifying "trying," etc. That's why it's crucial to only look at their actions and any their consequences on the marriage. Generally, at least for those who make their way here, the actions only serve to reinforce the status quo and the consequence is more of the same, i.e. nothing. Mine is well practiced at all forms of resetting. But I'm onto him now. My skin is getting thicker and my eyes more open. The fog takes a while to shift though doesn't it. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 7, 2016 13:32:05 GMT -5
The most effective refusers use a combination of all the reset activities: sex, excuses, pleas for more time, empty gestures signifying "trying," etc. That's why it's crucial to only look at their actions and any their consequences on the marriage. Generally, at least for those who make their way here, the actions only serve to reinforce the status quo and the consequence is more of the same, i.e. nothing. Mine is well practiced at all forms of resetting. But I'm onto him now. My skin is getting thicker and my eyes more open. The fog takes a while to shift though doesn't it. FOG= Fear,Obligation,Guilt. Picked that up on Shrink4men. I find it very appropriate here. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 7, 2016 13:39:09 GMT -5
Mine is well practiced at all forms of resetting. But I'm onto him now. My skin is getting thicker and my eyes more open. The fog takes a while to shift though doesn't it. FOG= Fear,Obligation,Guilt. Picked that up on Shrink4men. I find it very appropriate here. I'm gonna have me a look at shrink4men. You keep mentioning it and it'll give me a sense of mischief, what with not being a man and all. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 7, 2016 14:12:38 GMT -5
FOG= Fear,Obligation,Guilt. Picked that up on Shrink4men. I find it very appropriate here. I'm gonna have me a look at shrink4men. You keep mentioning it and it'll give me a sense of mischief, what with not being a man and all. There are women on there who have married men that divorced a narcissist wife. They learn from it, and tell their stories about how they are treated by the Ex narc., the affect it has on there new husband and children involved. Much of it can easily be reversed and used for a woman married to a narcissist husband. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 7, 2016 15:08:00 GMT -5
I think CT has committed to the process with the therapy for 3 months so there'll be a few more ups and downs to come! Exactly. And I think she's finally starting to understand how very skeptical I am when it comes to her words and initial actions. Plus, with regards to the reset sex, she asked me last month, and I honestly told her that right now i don't see her sexually even a little bit. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 7, 2016 15:18:45 GMT -5
I think CT has committed to the process with the therapy for 3 months so there'll be a few more ups and downs to come! Exactly. And I think she's finally starting to understand how very skeptical I am when it comes to her words and initial actions. Plus, with regards to the reset sex, she asked me last month, and I honestly told her that right now i don't see her sexually even a little bit. Send me some of your straight talking gene please Tiger! |
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 7, 2016 15:24:02 GMT -5
Send me some of your straight talking gene please Tiger! -There's better out there that deserves my time, attention, energy, affection, and god-like sexual talents. -I cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness -I am not willing to change who I am for someone who doesn't appreciate me as I am. -I cannot carry the full weight of a relationship for both of us. How's that? |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 7, 2016 16:31:13 GMT -5
I'll let you know when I've tried it  |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 7, 2016 16:34:46 GMT -5
Send me some of your straight talking gene please Tiger! -There's better out there that deserves my time, attention, energy, affection, and god-like sexual talents. -I cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness -I am not willing to change who I am for someone who doesn't appreciate me as I am. -I cannot carry the full weight of a relationship for both of us. How's that? I will use some of these myself - I'm not even IN a relationship right now but I still need to hear (meditate on) the second & third points for my own self. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 7, 2016 17:11:04 GMT -5
Well, next session is tomorrow afternoon. This should be interesting. Currently on the way home from a business trip out of state. Not looking forward to being home.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2016 17:14:16 GMT -5
-There's better out there that deserves my time, attention, energy, affection, and god-like sexual talents. -I cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness -I am not willing to change who I am for someone who doesn't appreciate me as I am. -I cannot carry the full weight of a relationship for both of us. How's that? I will use some of these myself - I'm not even IN a relationship right now but I still need to hear (meditate on) the second & third points for my own self. Except for the affection and godlike sexual talents, these would be good for most relationships, not just marriages. Which is why it always amazes me when people who tolerate no bullshit in every other area of their lives are willing to live their lives buried in it at home. |
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Post by nyartgal on Sept 7, 2016 21:36:39 GMT -5
Cagedtiger, I'm not worried about you at all! You totally get it, and one day you will be very happy in a fulfilling relationship with the right person. I'm sure of it.  |
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