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Post by skguy on Jul 1, 2016 12:20:04 GMT -5
I hope she finds someone lol
You're correct. Never underestimate someone appeal
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 12:31:05 GMT -5
I hope she finds someone lol You're correct. Never underestimate someone appeal The catch is if she's a refuser though, no one wants that (I mean I know there are asexuals but I don't know how to meet them. Is there an asexual Ashley Madison, lol?) |
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Post by skguy on Jul 1, 2016 12:34:06 GMT -5
Might just be a refuser to me. She used to be pretty good at it before. That's why it's frustrating.
Plus I'm looking pretty good for my age lol. At least someone on this board appreciates my effort. ;-)
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 13:04:05 GMT -5
Big Time. What's with not spending time together during the prime times when most busy folk actually CAN spend time together. Even in the crappy state of my marriage, we've always gone to bed and gotten up at roughly the same time. And at least 50% of our conversations occur at bed time, or when we get up. ALSO, the go to bed at 2 am get up at 9 am, Vampire thing is NOT healthy. When I see it, I always wonder if these folks ever matured past 18 years old or something. BTW: BBallGirl, I go to bed between 9 and 10. Will you marry me? *Raises hand* I don't know, in some ways I've matured past 18. Since I don't have kids I feel like I haven't been forced to be mature quite as much. I just naturally have a later schedule. I have been fortunate to have had a flexible schedule ever since college. First grad school where exact hours of coming and going didn't matter, just total hours and that the work got done. And the same at both jobs so far. I fear my next job may not be as flexible, but I'm hoping to get one with a later start time, 8 am is brutal for this girl, I prefer 10. Also, I sleep like crap. I often wake up in the night unable to sleep and have tp read for an hour or so to get sleepy again. I toss and turn constantly. For these reasons and the preference to have a flexible bedtime I prefer to sleep alone most of the time. Of course if I was likely to reap sexy benefits from sleeping together and not just the downsides, I may reconsider my opposition to trying to adopt responsible sleeping schedules and work around my issues. And also, sex makes me sleepy so that might help. Even if I mostly slept alone if course I could get in bed until he was asleep and satisfied then creep away. And some mornings (ie weekends) I wouldn't mind him joining me in bed and waking me in a sexy fashion (priorities! sleep uber alles EXCEPT sex uber sleep!). Edited to add: also, I used to sleep without clothes or undies only before I realized it was pointless. That could be a side benefit for some man compromising on my vanpirish ways. Now to find that man... I've experimented some with the non-traditional sleep patterns. One of the things I've found that ruins my sleep is too much of it. I sleep very well when I'm getting no more than 7 hours/night. So, regardless of when I go to bed, I get up at the same time -- even if it means only a few hours of sleep. That forces the issue the next night and keeps me on a schedule. Another big one is worry. Yes, kids force proper schedules. But, I've found that dogs do too. They get up and they want to go out or for a walk. And mine lets me know. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 13:16:47 GMT -5
@creelunion are you trying to guilt me into a proper schedule with dog welfare concerns? That may actually work ;-) Although they have absolutely no problem waking me as needed so no worries, they don't suffer.
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Post by iceman on Jul 1, 2016 13:18:42 GMT -5
Exactly, I've had the conversation with my wife about the benefits of going to bed together. With kids and work, we only have that time truly alon to talk about anything. Apparently she doesn't agree. I get pissed off when she sleeps so late that it affects what we do as a family with the kids on the weekends. She used to make more of effort but now it's become an established pattern. The few times she does come to bed while I'm awake she makes sure she dresses in most God-awful flannel pj's even in summer. That I wouldn't mind if she was amenable to shedding them or even just the bottoms but no luck. She also immediately sets the tone that there will me nothing remotely sexual going on by getting into bed with her back to me. No kiss goodnight, no verbal goodnight, nothing. I'm confronted with this flannel encased wall that's impenetrable. I've often thought of starting to whack off, or put on some porn, or more fun - both, just to see what her reaction would be, or if she would react at all. I'd avoid that type of aggression if at all possible. It can accomplish nothing good. I've been there and done that (Not exactly THERE or THAT), and I always wind up kicking myself during the huge argument that ensues afterwards. I always end up thinking to myself "What were you hoping to accomplish by saying or doing that?" So, these days I do everything I can to live with purpose and keep all my behavior oriented toward those purposes. Pissing my wife off is not one of those! I try to take high road as well. But sometimes it's really hard, especially on bad days. And you're right, nothing is accomplished by poking the bear beyond the fleeting satisfaction of the actual poke. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 13:26:12 GMT -5
@creelunion are you trying to guilt me into a proper schedule with dog welfare concerns? That may actually work ;-) Although they have absolutely no problem waking me as needed so no worries, they don't suffer. Helen, you know perfectly well that my primary concern in this world is your welfare. I'll do anything I have to to make you healthy and happy. That being said, you haven't lived until you're the one getting the dog out of bed in the morning to go for the walk. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 13:27:51 GMT -5
I'd avoid that type of aggression if at all possible. It can accomplish nothing good. I've been there and done that (Not exactly THERE or THAT), and I always wind up kicking myself during the huge argument that ensues afterwards. I always end up thinking to myself "What were you hoping to accomplish by saying or doing that?" So, these days I do everything I can to live with purpose and keep all my behavior oriented toward those purposes. Pissing my wife off is not one of those! I try to take high road as well. But sometimes it's really hard, especially on bad days. And you're right, nothing is accomplished by poking the bear beyond the fleeting satisfaction of the actual poke. HA! Do you ever ask yourself -- after you've started the 3 day scream-fest -- "Why did I do that?" |
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Post by LITW on Jul 1, 2016 13:28:08 GMT -5
I have thought a lot about that as I lay in bed alone.
My situation is pretty much the same as yours. I am usually in bed by 10:30, but if my wife is in bed before 3:00 am, that's an early night for her. I used to beg her to come to bed with me, and repeatedly get up and ask her when she was coming to, but I gave up on that a few years ago when I realized that all my pleading did no good. She always has a legitimate sounding reason for not coming to bed too, so my complaining about it makes me sound like I am being unreasonable (to her).
When I was a kid, all the couples I knew in my grandparents' generation had separate bedrooms, and I remember thinking how odd that was. Then after my parents retired and my mom re-connected with her high school friends, she found that she and dad were the only couple out of all of them that still shared a bed. I thought that was odd too. Now my parents have separate bedrooms becuase my dad's CPAP machine keeps my mom awake.
I no longer think that's odd. A few months ago, as I lay in bed alone staring at the ceiling while my wife was downstairs staring at her computer, I began to wonder if sexless marriages are actually the historical norm and they are only now coming into the light. Back in the day, couples just stuck it out even if they were unhappy, for religious or economic reasons. Nobody talked about it, it was just expected, but now that I think about it, it had to be the result of a marriage turning sexless. If you were getting sex would you really want to move out of the bedroom where you were getting it?
Thinking about that makes me sad, but I do understand it. No amount of pursuing, asking, or begging on my part has inspired my wife to want me sexually, so its less stressful for me to keep my expectations low. Because she goes to bed so much later than I do, and gets up much later, we don't interact much in bed. Even though we share a bed, we are not technically sleeping "together".
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Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 13:37:49 GMT -5
bballgirl . I would do the same. Try and wake him up to come to bed for some action. Didn't work. His bed is now the couch. (And has been for so many years!!). Let the couch have him! The couch is happy and satisfied...so there's that. ha ha |
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Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 13:43:06 GMT -5
@creelunion are you trying to guilt me into a proper schedule with dog welfare concerns? That may actually work ;-) Although they have absolutely no problem waking me as needed so no worries, they don't suffer. HelenT, you and I would get along great. I think I was born a "night person." Circadian Rhythms and all that have led me to find it hard to go to sleep any time before 11 at the earliest. In college I started my studies and project at 10 pm or would read well into the wee hours. I've got one child who goes to bed at 10:30 and another who makes a smoothie at midnight. We're all different. However, I'll be ready for sexy time any hour of the day or night.  |
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Post by ggold on Jul 1, 2016 14:01:16 GMT -5
bballgirl . I would do the same. Try and wake him up to come to bed for some action. Didn't work. His bed is now the couch. (And has been for so many years!!). Let the couch have him! The couch is happy and satisfied...so there's that. ha ha The couch gets all the action!! Or no action! Lol |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 1, 2016 14:06:11 GMT -5
The couch is happy and satisfied...so there's that. ha ha The couch gets all the action!! Or no action! Lol Time to go through the couch and look for loose change! another positive of living in a SM! |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jul 1, 2016 14:14:32 GMT -5
I sleep alone because I got tired of sleeping next to someone who eventually felt the bed was only for sleeping..It was frustrating !
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 1, 2016 14:23:33 GMT -5
I won't go into all the tribulations that have developed, slowly one after another. Although no one has mentioned the noisy breathing hoses, and liking the ceiling fan on full blast, good thing with all the gas!!
What's mind blowing is to look back at the beginning! The heated king size water bed. The red fluorescent light bulbs. The scented candles. The romantic cassette tapes. The coming out of the shower together, drying each other off. Spending part of the evenings together wrapped in a blanket in front of the fireplace.Taking all the blankets off the bed since things would get so hot. Falling asleep pressed up against each other. Knowing you will have the morning to do it again.
We went to bed at the same time, we stayed up late together, we watched the same TV shows. How much of that was one of us doing more to please the other? Hard to remember?
Has much of that been re-enacted? Yes. One of us no longer sees the need for it, can live with out it, finds it, not important!
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