|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jul 22, 2016 7:11:58 GMT -5
worksforme2 , my divorced brother seems to have mastered this technique as the "discreet pecker" amongst his circle of female friends. If my experience is any reliable indicator the incidence of extramarital affairs is probably higher than statistics would indicate. In defense of the ladies they each had what I considered very good reasons for taking an AP. If I had it to do over I probably would go ahead and bed a least one more that gave me the green light but that I declined because her H was my best friend. Later I learned he was slipping around himself, but the opportunity with her never presented itself again. So my thoughts about your brother, he's probably having the best sex imaginable. |
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Jul 22, 2016 7:37:26 GMT -5
Geez DC, Just about everytime I start my computer up I get unsolicited ads from young chicks (ie under 50 !!!!!) who are mad keen on meeting me. Indeed oftentimes they are resident very close to me too !! - "Natasha (only 2k from you) wants to chat with you" usually with a pic of some smouldering hotty. - And all this, without lifting a finger !! I can only speculate on how well I'd go if I was actually looking !!!! - The only flaw evident to me is that given my locality, Natasha (only 2k from me), must be resident in the lake, and as such be some kind of freshwater mermaid ! |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jul 22, 2016 7:56:15 GMT -5
I thought Edna Mode said that. Ha! She was Japanese! My favorite line by her, "I never look back darling, it distracts from the now". Fortune favors the bold is an old Latin proverb, she may have said it! When it comes to looking back I have one saying that I particularly like: "Don't look back, something could be gaining on you". |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 22, 2016 8:02:36 GMT -5
Ha! She was Japanese! My favorite line by her, "I never look back darling, it distracts from the now". Fortune favors the bold is an old Latin proverb, she may have said it! When it comes to looking back I have one saying that I particularly like: "Don't look back, something could be gaining on you". Very true!! |
|
|
|
Post by needtoresolve on Jul 22, 2016 14:36:09 GMT -5
Ha! She was Japanese! My favorite line by her, "I never look back darling, it distracts from the now". Fortune favors the bold is an old Latin proverb, she may have said it! When it comes to looking back I have one saying that I particularly like: "Don't look back, something could be gaining on you". For some reason that reminds me of the saying "Never criticize a man until you walk a mile in his shoes." I think that's a smart idea. That way, when you do give him hell, he's a mile away - and you have his shoes. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2016 10:51:23 GMT -5
Ha ha . @ Bballgirl I am another in the "seems least likely to outsource" group. I look innocent. My ex even says I am incapable of lying. That used to be true and largely still is. That to me was the most unsettling about having an affair, how easy it becomes to lie. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2016 11:59:41 GMT -5
Outsourcing seems fraught with hazards to me and at the same time it beckons. I want to save some kind of positive relationship with my spouse. I do think that if I outsourced behind her back, it would end up breaking things irreparably. On the other hand, if the relationship is that fragile, it's already broken. So there's a debate with no ending. Dude, if you're considering adultery (that's what it used to be called), your relationship is already dead -- at least to you it is. No marriage is non-fragile enough to survive such a thing. Real Marriages are built on trust and intimacy that is destroyed by that breach of trust. Regarding the rest of your post: Looks like you pretty much nailed it. Inconsistencies at every turn. Enough to turn your mind inside-out. I'm not shaming you or anything, but it's always best to think about these things in rational terms and not try to delude ourselves. So, get out there and kick it free-style! I'm as hardass an atheist as you'll find, so trust and believe oh ye faithful, this isn't Bible thumping, but I'm glad you used that old fashioned word "adultery." Because having sex outside your marriage is a big deal. A really big deal. It's not something you just go off and do because you're not getting enough pussy at home. If you're found out, your spouse will never trust you again. That's it, forget it. If your marriage does survive the affair, it will walk with a limp for the rest of its life. Depending on your jurisdiction, there could also be severe financial consequences. It could in some jurisdictions and circumstances even affect child custody. Not to mention what it does to you. Lying and deception will become second nature. You'll learn to lie without even thinking about it. If that possibility doesn't frighten you, you need to do some soul searching. If you "outsource" still hoping to fix or improve your marriage, I'm not judging you but you're crazy in the head and you're playing pick-up sticks with dynamite. This is not something you should do until the marriage is over, if not on paper then in your heart. But see with us, THEY ended the marriage by withholding intimacy, by using intimacy as leverage to control us, by bait and switching us, or just by shutting down emotionally. If you commit adultery while in such a marriage, that's outsourcing, because you're just getting elsewhere what you should be getting from your spouse. By the time you get here, your marriage is probably dead. You have, in my opinion, and this is just my opinion since it is a moral statement, every justification to outsource. But a lot of you are holding out hope to fix it. That's a long shot on a long road to begin with. You "last-gaspers" would be prudent to put aside any notion of ever having sex again until the unlikely event that you convince your spouse to enjoy sex. Because as unfair as it is, if you get caught outsourcing, you'll be the one who ruined the marriage, you'll be the one who broke the vows, you'll be the "cheater," and any hope of fixing it - what little there was to begin with- is down the drain. |
|
|
|
Post by needtoresolve on Jul 23, 2016 21:04:06 GMT -5
[H]aving sex outside your marriage is a big deal. A really big deal. It's not something you just go off and do because you're not getting enough pussy at home. If you're found out, your spouse will never trust you again. That's it, forget it. If your marriage does survive the affair, it will walk with a limp for the rest of its life. . . . You "last-gaspers" would be prudent to put aside any notion of ever having sex again until the unlikely event that you convince your spouse to enjoy sex. Because as unfair as it is, if you get caught outsourcing, you'll be the one who ruined the marriage, you'll be the one who broke the vows, you'll be the "cheater," and any hope of fixing it - what little there was to begin with- is down the drain. Goddammit. I agree with you 100%. Making me crazy. |
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 26, 2016 4:43:40 GMT -5
I don't think I'm an expert or anything, I'm just cautious. I need a certain amount of trust before I'll open myself to someone. I'm not a prude but the old "no sex until after the third date" kind of thing works for sexting too.
It's the connection that you are craving, you want to develop something that isn't simply a f¥€k. The most ego sparing thing to do is to make friends with someone you find interesting. Don't exchange photos or discuss physical attributes until you get that sense of connection. Develop that friendship through Q&A games or exchange of information, but keep it light. Make it about getting to know that person of interest. Catch and release.
Get sexually playful with your words without jumping into sexting. If there's no sexual spark, you have a good friend without feeling the resentment of rejection or the embarrassment of a dropped sexting partner.
I have made one connection. This guy, the one I connected with, he was SMART. He took it slow and entertained me. He hooked me with his personality and I don't really care what he looks like, I like him. He's sexy and fun and that is very attractive.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 28, 2016 12:33:12 GMT -5
Well, the first and most common place is in your past. Old flames are the most common affair known to man -- or women. The second most probable place is definitely work. Sure that doesn't work for everyone. Personally, I don't work in a field with lots of women, and there are no women in my company. But I've seen it many times. I used to say that was off limits -- and as a younger man, I wouldn't even date legitimately at work. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. Caution and discretion is required here. Then there's definitely Ashley Madison. I've not tried it, but there are at least two WOMEN on this forum that I know of that have done it successfully. Yes, they're women, but they found MEN. Nice well rounded men with good communication skills and a plan. I wouldn't completely discount Craigslist. Way back when I tried it, and found what might have turned into affairs had I not thought better of it. Not thought better of Craigslist, but of the whole affair dealio. Again, you may have to experiment some and learn what works. Make sure your bait is fresh. Stale depressed bait only catches carp. You don't want to eat that. You know, as I think of it, finding women -- as a single man or a married man -- is a whole lot like fishing or hunting. I think the first thing you have to do is decide if you're a fisherman or a hunter. If you're a hunter, all you have to do is find the women. Once you've found them, it's just a matter of bagging her. This is only for the serious lumberjacks. If you're a fisherman, you still have to find them, but then you have to develop and fine tune your game. You have to decide whether or not you'll be using live bait or artificial. If you've got no live bate, you'll have to use artificial. You might even have to use some chum. Depending on what you're fishing for, you'll have to decide if you're going to be setting a trot line, trolling, casting to a very specific location, or jigging. All of these techniques work, but they catch different fish. Regardless of whether or not you're fishing or hunting, you have to define your quarry. Are you hunting for meat or a trophy. Different techniques apply to both. What were we talking about again? Just out of curiosity, I created a profile on Ashley Madison to see what kind of responses I'd get. I got quite a few. Most were in their forties and 5'10". Interesting. One in my age range seemed like a nice guy, the others were either players or trolls. There was a wild eyed man with very long hair and a beard. Out of curiosity I read his profile. It was very well written! If only he didn't look like a psycho-killer..... |
|
|
|
Post by csl on Jul 28, 2016 17:26:12 GMT -5
Okay, this is different, and not really a serious attempt at 'outsourcing' so much as a stone-cold shock. If you've ever had your spouse say, "Well, why don't you just go screw someone else, then!", I like this as a come-back:
"Okay, but I'm going to need your help finding a good fwb. You need to help me get the right person." Ask them to help you fill out an ad on Ashley Madison or something.
Maybe you could tell her "We'll have to convert to Mormonism, and make a second bedroom".....
Have fun with it.
|
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jul 28, 2016 18:34:23 GMT -5
Just out of curiosity, I created a profile on Ashley Madison to see what kind of responses I'd get. I got quite a few. Most were in their forties and 5'10". Interesting. One in my age range seemed like a nice guy, the others were either players or trolls. There was a wild eyed man with very long hair and a beard. Out of curiosity I read his profile. It was very well written! If only he didn't look like a psycho-killer..... I expect any woman on a dating site that is half way attractive or presentable will find herself the recipient of attention from so many male suitors she will soon be exhausted or develop carpel tunnel syndrome trying to respond to them. Perhaps that is one of the reasons the ladies at POF so seldom reply. In spite of the argument as to who has it easier when looking for a suitable paramour I have distilled enough from the women who are on dating sites to conclude that a woman is going to get far more invitations to a conversation from men than a man is going to receive from women. PS..I think the average height for men is 5'10" . |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2016 22:14:32 GMT -5
Well, the first and most common place is in your past. Old flames are the most common affair known to man -- or women. The second most probable place is definitely work. Sure that doesn't work for everyone. Personally, I don't work in a field with lots of women, and there are no women in my company. But I've seen it many times. I used to say that was off limits -- and as a younger man, I wouldn't even date legitimately at work. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. Caution and discretion is required here. Then there's definitely Ashley Madison. I've not tried it, but there are at least two WOMEN on this forum that I know of that have done it successfully. Yes, they're women, but they found MEN. Nice well rounded men with good communication skills and a plan. I wouldn't completely discount Craigslist. Way back when I tried it, and found what might have turned into affairs had I not thought better of it. Not thought better of Craigslist, but of the whole affair dealio. Again, you may have to experiment some and learn what works. Make sure your bait is fresh. Stale depressed bait only catches carp. You don't want to eat that. You know, as I think of it, finding women -- as a single man or a married man -- is a whole lot like fishing or hunting. I think the first thing you have to do is decide if you're a fisherman or a hunter. If you're a hunter, all you have to do is find the women. Once you've found them, it's just a matter of bagging her. This is only for the serious lumberjacks. If you're a fisherman, you still have to find them, but then you have to develop and fine tune your game. You have to decide whether or not you'll be using live bait or artificial. If you've got no live bate, you'll have to use artificial. You might even have to use some chum. Depending on what you're fishing for, you'll have to decide if you're going to be setting a trot line, trolling, casting to a very specific location, or jigging. All of these techniques work, but they catch different fish. Regardless of whether or not you're fishing or hunting, you have to define your quarry. Are you hunting for meat or a trophy. Different techniques apply to both. What were we talking about again? Just out of curiosity, I created a profile on Ashley Madison to see what kind of responses I'd get. I got quite a few. Most were in their forties and 5'10". Interesting. One in my age range seemed like a nice guy, the others were either players or trolls. There was a wild eyed man with very long hair and a beard. Out of curiosity I read his profile. It was very well written! If only he didn't look like a psycho-killer..... I'm terrified to try Ashley Madison since that data breach last year. How do you set up a profile and provide payment information without worrying about having your identity released? As a guy on that site you have to have a payment plan to send enough messages to get any attention. |
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 28, 2016 22:20:23 GMT -5
Just out of curiosity, I created a profile on Ashley Madison to see what kind of responses I'd get. I got quite a few. Most were in their forties and 5'10". Interesting. One in my age range seemed like a nice guy, the others were either players or trolls. There was a wild eyed man with very long hair and a beard. Out of curiosity I read his profile. It was very well written! If only he didn't look like a psycho-killer..... I'm terrified to try Ashley Madison since that data breach last year. How do you set up a profile and provide payment information without worrying about having your identity released? As a guy on that site you have to have a payment plan to send enough messages to get any attention. There is no payment |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2016 22:23:39 GMT -5
When I tried it before it required a credit card to be able to send messages. Without one all you could do was "like" (or something) a profile. As a guy you get zero response without the ability to send messages. I don't even know if I'd have the balls to actually meet someone but I like the thought. I'm just terrified of getting caught and all the issues that would create, I like my life I just want to get laid occasionally. |
|
