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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2016 21:13:45 GMT -5
When I tried it before it required a credit card to be able to send messages. Without one all you could do was "like" (or something) a profile. As a guy you get zero response without the ability to send messages. I don't even know if I'd have the balls to actually meet someone but I like the thought. I'm just terrified of getting caught and all the issues that would create, I like my life I just want to get laid occasionally. Visa gift card and a dummy email mail address. The message thing is exactly right and you need to put a little bait on that message. Something like: "I saw your profile. You are a beautiful woman. I would like to get to know you better to see if there's a connection. I have a feeling we may be in the same situation." Now she will be curious if she has half a brain and want to know what your situation is and if it's the same. Don't be afraid to meet just be smart about it. It got to a point in my marriage when I outsourced, I didn't care if I was caught. I was smart enough not to get caught. It was a once a month thing sometimes we had to skip a month or two because of busy schedules. At one point I felt like I was in a sexless affair. I'm very happy I outsourced it helped me understand how abnormal my marriage was and the sex was great. Two sex starved people in a hotel room for hours, the best! Fortune favors the bold. That's how I scored on a dating site. After reading enough of these stories you can spot a sexless marriage a mile away. So I just messaged her, "Sexless marriage, eh?" She was astounded and we had great sex. |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 1, 2016 0:02:07 GMT -5
Visa gift card and a dummy email mail address. The message thing is exactly right and you need to put a little bait on that message. Something like: "I saw your profile. You are a beautiful woman. I would like to get to know you better to see if there's a connection. I have a feeling we may be in the same situation." Now she will be curious if she has half a brain and want to know what your situation is and if it's the same. Don't be afraid to meet just be smart about it. It got to a point in my marriage when I outsourced, I didn't care if I was caught. I was smart enough not to get caught. It was a once a month thing sometimes we had to skip a month or two because of busy schedules. At one point I felt like I was in a sexless affair. I'm very happy I outsourced it helped me understand how abnormal my marriage was and the sex was great. Two sex starved people in a hotel room for hours, the best! Fortune favors the bold. That's how I scored on a dating site. After reading enough of these stories you can spot a sexless marriage a mile away. So I just messaged her, "Sexless marriage, eh?" She was astounded and we had great sex. You're so smart!  |
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Post by ggold on Aug 1, 2016 15:47:28 GMT -5
I guess the rebuttal arguement would be - that if you outsourced and got caught as your scenario suggests - then one of two things are going to happen #1 - your spouse will be super pissed off and may divorce you (and, longer term, is that such a bad result ??) #2 - your spouse will be super pissed off and may make your life a living hell, which may hasten your departure from your ILIASM deal (again, is that such a bad result ??) - One thing you see in story after story here (where a 3rd party appears in an already dysfunctional situation) is that it is a game changer, every time. The changes are wildly unpredictable however and can spin off on some crazy tangents. One tangent that you don't see however, is where the refusive spouse suddenly comes to their senses in light of the outsourcing event and suddenly turns into the spouse of your dreams. spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know) So, TOTAL game changer! Also, spouse will never turn into one of my dreams...but has become someone I don't even think I really know! |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 16:29:23 GMT -5
I guess the rebuttal arguement would be - that if you outsourced and got caught as your scenario suggests - then one of two things are going to happen #1 - your spouse will be super pissed off and may divorce you (and, longer term, is that such a bad result ??) #2 - your spouse will be super pissed off and may make your life a living hell, which may hasten your departure from your ILIASM deal (again, is that such a bad result ??) - One thing you see in story after story here (where a 3rd party appears in an already dysfunctional situation) is that it is a game changer, every time. The changes are wildly unpredictable however and can spin off on some crazy tangents. One tangent that you don't see however, is where the refusive spouse suddenly comes to their senses in light of the outsourcing event and suddenly turns into the spouse of your dreams. spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know) So, TOTAL game changer! Also, spouse will never turn into one of my dreams...but has become someone I don't even think I really know! Sex aside there still doesn't seem like much to hold onto in this marriage. |
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Post by ggold on Aug 1, 2016 19:14:42 GMT -5
MY #3-spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know) So, TOTAL game changer! Also, spouse will never turn into one of my dreams...but has become someone I don't even think I really know! Sex aside there still doesn't seem like much to hold onto in this marriage. No kidding! |
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Post by baza on Aug 1, 2016 21:43:20 GMT -5
Partially quoting ggold here - "MY #3-spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know)"
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This tangent is a pretty rare one Sister g.
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I guess your options come down to -
(a) - do what you like (within the constraints that remaining married impose on you - eg not flaunting it, not falling in love with the rootee etc etc)
or
(b) - do what you like, unencumbered by anything
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Option (a) looks like he is saying - "I'll trade off my control of who you root, as long as I remain in control of the rest of the situation".
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Post by ggold on Aug 1, 2016 23:36:02 GMT -5
Partially quoting ggold here - "MY #3-spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know)" - This tangent is a pretty rare one Sister g. - I guess your options come down to - (a) - do what you like (within the constraints that remaining married impose on you - eg not flaunting it, not falling in love with the rootee etc etc) or (b) - do what you like, unencumbered by anything - Option (a) looks like he is saying - "I'll trade off my control of who you root, as long as I remain in control of the rest of the situation". I thought you would agree this is a rare situation. You are correct with option (a) so I choose (b). It's so frustrating! Rather than admit he does not love me and that the marriage is over, he throws this curve ball at me. He is using the children saying that we need to remain a family unit for them. Might I add that when he said for me to do what I need to do, he also threw in and "I'll take care of the kids." Another dig. More control and manipulation. Right now, I'm trying to gain the courage I need to exit. And it's so damn hard!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 7:21:48 GMT -5
ggold, curveball indeed! When did this happen?? Time to get out. You got this girl. Stay strong. There's more and better and well, just total awesomeness waiting on the other side!!! Cross the river!! Get out!!!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 2, 2016 7:53:44 GMT -5
Mine often tries to use the kids as a tool to keep me.
To be fair to him it must be a good tactic coz here I am. Still.
We all realistically know that kids will do much better living with separate but happy parents though don't we.
@ggold I wish you clarity of thought and strength chicka xxx
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 9:30:36 GMT -5
Partially quoting ggold here - "MY #3-spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know)" - This tangent is a pretty rare one Sister g. - I guess your options come down to - (a) - do what you like (within the constraints that remaining married impose on you - eg not flaunting it, not falling in love with the rootee etc etc) or (b) - do what you like, unencumbered by anything - Option (a) looks like he is saying - "I'll trade off my control of who you root, as long as I remain in control of the rest of the situation". I thought you would agree this is a rare situation. You are correct with option (a) so I choose (b). It's so frustrating! Rather than admit he does not love me and that the marriage is over, he throws this curve ball at me. He is using the children saying that we need to remain a family unit for them. Might I add that when he said for me to do what I need to do, he also threw in and "I'll take care of the kids." Another dig. More control and manipulation. Right now, I'm trying to gain the courage I need to exit. And it's so damn hard!!! So he's laying a guilt trip on you. That settles it. Run! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 9:42:42 GMT -5
Partially quoting ggold here - "MY #3-spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to do regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via texts w/a co-worker (doesn't know that I know)" - This tangent is a pretty rare one Sister g. - I guess your options come down to - (a) - do what you like (within the constraints that remaining married impose on you - eg not flaunting it, not falling in love with the rootee etc etc) or (b) - do what you like, unencumbered by anything - Option (a) looks like he is saying - "I'll trade off my control of who you root, as long as I remain in control of the rest of the situation". I thought you would agree this is a rare situation. You are correct with option (a) so I choose (b). It's so frustrating! Rather than admit he does not love me and that the marriage is over, he throws this curve ball at me. He is using the children saying that we need to remain a family unit for them. Might I add that when he said for me to do what I need to do, he also threw in and "I'll take care of the kids." Another dig. More control and manipulation. Right now, I'm trying to gain the courage I need to exit. And it's so damn hard!!! Sounds like he thinks your role in raising the children isn't important at all? An attorney and a judge will say different. It takes more than money to raise children! ( need to start another thread for you) |
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Post by ggold on Aug 2, 2016 10:14:06 GMT -5
@greatccoastal Go ahead and start the thread!
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