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Post by shamwow on May 26, 2024 18:48:21 GMT -5
The "cheeky" part of me (pun intended) would ask what happened after you felt her ass and slid your finger in. But that would be crass and I would never actually say that out loud. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on May 27, 2024 4:20:17 GMT -5
Already done so. I am in a state where there is no alimony. But heavy child support. So, waiting pattern is almost assured. The situation is tolerable if there is an end in sight, but I am just feeling the ability to reconcile slipping away from me (as in I am starting to not care and resent the stonewall and forced celibacy as she simply refuses to move on fixing her block) Can you define "heavy" child support. In Texas where I live, child support is taking your "discretionary" (basically after paying your taxes) income and giving 20 percent of it for one child and 25 percent of it if you have 2 with an additional 5 percent up to something like 40-50 cap if you have 6 kids or something. Nevertheless, as painful as it was I took the divorce plunge when my youngest was 13 simply because my marriage had me thinking of suicide. In all I think I paid about 110k-120k during that time but at the end of it I was free. I the meantime, I got my life completely squared away and am happier than I've ever been. Had I waited, I wouldn't have gotten those years back. No amount of money compensates for that. Also keep in mind that those years tend to be peak earning years so any savings you build as a couple likely gets split at the end. Sadly, many are here in the forum who didn't split for "financial reasons" only to continue to intertwine finances. Then the issue becomes the split becomes untenable to ever retire or stop working. Sometimes if the spouse is a spender, they are a financial anchor that you practically can never detach from noatter how bad it gets. I'd advise you to do that math after consulting with an attorney. When taking into account "the rest of your life" as opposed to "the next 5 years" you may find the scales on financial side become somewhat more even. If you have to pay spousal support forever? Different scenario. I have one of those anchor things.. |
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Post by shamwow on May 27, 2024 9:02:50 GMT -5
Can you define "heavy" child support. In Texas where I live, child support is taking your "discretionary" (basically after paying your taxes) income and giving 20 percent of it for one child and 25 percent of it if you have 2 with an additional 5 percent up to something like 40-50 cap if you have 6 kids or something. Nevertheless, as painful as it was I took the divorce plunge when my youngest was 13 simply because my marriage had me thinking of suicide. In all I think I paid about 110k-120k during that time but at the end of it I was free. I the meantime, I got my life completely squared away and am happier than I've ever been. Had I waited, I wouldn't have gotten those years back. No amount of money compensates for that. Also keep in mind that those years tend to be peak earning years so any savings you build as a couple likely gets split at the end. Sadly, many are here in the forum who didn't split for "financial reasons" only to continue to intertwine finances. Then the issue becomes the split becomes untenable to ever retire or stop working. Sometimes if the spouse is a spender, they are a financial anchor that you practically can never detach from noatter how bad it gets. I'd advise you to do that math after consulting with an attorney. When taking into account "the rest of your life" as opposed to "the next 5 years" you may find the scales on financial side become somewhat more even. If you have to pay spousal support forever? Different scenario. I have one of those anchor things.. It's hard to head out to open seas when you have a rusty anchor caught in the mud of the harbor... Sometimes yout just have to cut the anchor line to get free. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 27, 2024 11:30:17 GMT -5
She's a spender - she makes over 50K, I am well paid - but after 15+ years of being the only source of income, just now that she started working again a little over 2 years ago - digging my way out to financial security. That being said - 300-400 USD per week each kid. That's 1200-166 per month. Not do-able or even a reasonable option.
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on May 28, 2024 3:38:09 GMT -5
She's a spender - she makes over 50K, I am well paid - but after 15+ years of being the only source of income, just now that she started working again a little over 2 years ago - digging my way out to financial security. That being said - 300-400 USD per week each kid. That's 1200-166 per month. Not do-able or even a reasonable option. Ohio has a rule after 20 years of marriage you have to pay alimony. One year for 3 married. So I’m looking at 7 years I will need to pay alimony. Meh.. it sounds like a raise for me In the long run. |
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Post by shamwow on May 28, 2024 11:29:12 GMT -5
She's a spender - she makes over 50K, I am well paid - but after 15+ years of being the only source of income, just now that she started working again a little over 2 years ago - digging my way out to financial security. That being said - 300-400 USD per week each kid. That's 1200-166 per month. Not do-able or even a reasonable option. If she is a true spender then you will likely save money in the long run. Do a spreadsheet on it, you may be surprised. |
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Post by sundayblue0071 on Jun 22, 2024 23:05:46 GMT -5
I am just hitting the wall almost as hard as a couple of years ago. Trying to maintain positivity and realize that communication is getting better, she reaches out for me and offers backrubs and cuddles, but still - it's there, always there in the back of my mind that we simply will never get to a place where physical intimacy and sex ever happens again. ..... Just not feeling it - and been thinking that perhaps I should just stop doing all the little things (almost all the housework, packing her lunch every day, helping her to her car and load up for work every morning) - and just tell her "It's not important to me", like she has done regarding sex (at home and in therapy).... I don't know anymore, just don't know. Still have 2 kids in the house, 17 and 13 year old. Really thinking of just biding my time, keeping my mouth shut and waiting until I can escape without 2-3K a month being fed to the system and me living in a cardboard box for the rest of my life. I will be 64, and am still in good shape, with no major medical issues. Is anyone else feeling like this as well? I share your pain. I only have one kid. She's 7. But having to wait until she's 18 for me to finally divorce my wife seems preposterous on the surface of it. I'll be 67 at that point. Ouch, is the only word that comes to mind. Dating at 67. Oh yeah, can't wait. NOT. When will you be 64? Dating in the 60s makes me cringe but I guess one has to get comfortable with "old age" at some point and the 60s isn't considered "old." But unless you lift weights and are keeping "fit and trim," the skin still sags, and the wrinkles get fairly pronounced and well, can't say I masturbate to pictures/video of women in their 60s. Makes me wonder if women masturbate to images of men in their 60s? Oy. Don't know if I want to laugh or cry. |
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angelwanderer
New Member
currently podcasting on The Dirty Rabbit Hole
Posts: 13
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by angelwanderer on Jun 23, 2024 3:36:39 GMT -5
Stop trying?
Every. Damn. Day.
Some of us aren't at that point but if you give it enough time, most will get there.
-A
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Post by lonelyhubby on Jun 23, 2024 8:24:35 GMT -5
I am just hitting the wall almost as hard as a couple of years ago. Trying to maintain positivity and realize that communication is getting better, she reaches out for me and offers backrubs and cuddles, but still - it's there, always there in the back of my mind that we simply will never get to a place where physical intimacy and sex ever happens again. ..... Just not feeling it - and been thinking that perhaps I should just stop doing all the little things (almost all the housework, packing her lunch every day, helping her to her car and load up for work every morning) - and just tell her "It's not important to me", like she has done regarding sex (at home and in therapy).... I don't know anymore, just don't know. Still have 2 kids in the house, 17 and 13 year old. Really thinking of just biding my time, keeping my mouth shut and waiting until I can escape without 2-3K a month being fed to the system and me living in a cardboard box for the rest of my life. I will be 64, and am still in good shape, with no major medical issues. Is anyone else feeling like this as well? I share your pain. I only have one kid. She's 7. But having to wait until she's 18 for me to finally divorce my wife seems preposterous on the surface of it. I'll be 67 at that point. Ouch, is the only word that comes to mind. Dating at 67. Oh yeah, can't wait. NOT. When will you be 64? Dating in the 60s makes me cringe but I guess one has to get comfortable with "old age" at some point and the 60s isn't considered "old." But unless you lift weights and are keeping "fit and trim," the skin still sags, and the wrinkles get fairly pronounced and well, can't say I masturbate to pictures/video of women in their 60s. Makes me wonder if women masturbate to images of men in their 60s? Oy. Don't know if I want to laugh or cry. Lifting weights already, turned that around a couple of years ago - look 40 (turn 60 next month). Gray and white hair encroaching but I prefer to embrace it an own it rather than look fake with any dyed hair attempts. Blonde by nature so it blends well. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 23, 2024 11:17:40 GMT -5
I hit the wall 8, maybe 9 yrs. ago. After a long reset my then W returned to refusing. We had had a # of talks followed by short resets. But the last reset did me in. I simply could not keep repeating the failed pretenxe of a happy marriage. I sure a s hell wasn't happy and neither was she in having to resist my constant overatures to intimacy. So I took off my ring and started distancing myself from interacting with her, other than polite conversation or for something absolutely needed between us. Took a few days for her to notice the missing ring and to realise how minimual our conversation was becoming. Then she took off her rings and we sat down and disccussed how we would end things.
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Post by lonelytiger on Jun 24, 2024 14:03:18 GMT -5
I hit the wall several years ago but I still try to make things work. Usually the changes I suggest/we argue about last about a week and then we are right back to square one where she refuses. The latest try was she told me she wouldn't say no if I initiated and she said she wanted me to control it. About a week later she refused my initiation. She has told me in the past she sees me as not strong sexually because I don't pursue her sexually. Um, yes I do and I have backed off because I got tired of constantly being turned down. We are good everywhere else though in our relationship. I do wonder if she's asexual.
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Post by lonelyhubby on Jun 24, 2024 14:20:22 GMT -5
I hit the wall several years ago but I still try to make things work. Usually the changes I suggest/we argue about last about a week and then we are right back to square one where she refuses. The latest try was she told me she wouldn't say no if I initiated and she said she wanted me to control it. About a week later she refused my initiation. She has told me in the past she sees me as not strong sexually because I don't pursue her sexually. Um, yes I do and I have backed off because I got tired of constantly being turned down. We are good everywhere else though in our relationship. I do wonder if she's asexual. The percentage of people who "become" asexual is so miniscule that it is laughable for anyone to say I have become... They may be disconnected form their sexuality for various reasons (depression, stress, anxiety, medication, hormones, etc..) - but Asexuality just doesn't kick in... |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 24, 2024 19:26:55 GMT -5
...The latest try was she told me she wouldn't say no if I initiated and she said she wanted me to control it. About a week later she refused my initiation. She has told me in the past she sees me as not strong sexually because I don't pursue her sexually. Um, yes I do and I have backed off because I got tired of constantly being turned down. ... See, you aren't the first one I've heard about who's lady has said something to this effect. "Controlling it" doesn't mean giving her control. You asked, she said "No", you didn't push the matter, that isn't control. That's defeat. Pursuing her sexually may not mean verbal overtures. It may mean a hungry seizure of some kind. I say this not from experience. None of my ladies have expressed displeasure in my gentle romantic ravishing, but...every so often my wife will slide her wrists under my hands for a few minutes. She's a romance novel consumer, and I'm under the impression she has placed me in the role of dominant cad. I'm not sure how, but she may want you to refuse "No" for an answer, which goes against our natures, but may be cheating her of a love life she'd like to have with you. Does she want a "safe word" and you'll take some aggressive liberties some night? How can you know when "No" means "Yes". Such a conversation may be counterproductive to the notion that you can be an out of control animal. Is that even anything you're up for giving her if that were true? Should you discuss her fantasies? Or does she expect you to wing it? It ruins it to have a say in the scenario? Does she want a blindfold? She may not want to have to ask. Is it all just too much bullshit and you might prefer to cash out? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 25, 2024 3:37:08 GMT -5
The " hit the wall- stop trying" seems to be happening to an entire new generation!
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 25, 2024 6:34:26 GMT -5
The " hit the wall- stop trying" seems to be happening to an entire new generation! Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it......It's interesting that you note what you percieive as a generational repeat of behavior patterns of preceeding generations. To me it just looks like the continued failure of well over half of all marriages. Perhaps exhausted spouses in a SM are just being more vocal or open about it, but I am not surprized by it. Irreconsilable differences has gotten more tranparent. |
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