|
|
Post by lonelyhubby on May 17, 2024 9:31:14 GMT -5
We are in marriage / sex therapy currently. Working on what it is she needs to re-engage. however, since the last session 3 weeks ago, she hasn't kissed me on the lips - so I took action, and will continue to not wear it until forward movement is consistently made.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on May 17, 2024 15:56:22 GMT -5
We are in marriage / sex therapy currently. Working on what it is she needs to re-engage. however, since the last session 3 weeks ago, she hasn't kissed me on the lips - so I took action, and will continue to not wear it until forward movement is consistently made. Actions speak louder than words. This is why physical touch is the strongest of all the Love languages. |
|
|
|
Post by sophie99 on May 18, 2024 4:01:40 GMT -5
Yes, I gave up trying about 5 years ago, which is the last time we had sex. I now don't want sex with him anymore. He actually tried to proposition me (very crudely) a few months ago and I turned him down which made him aggressive. The thought of having sex with him makes me want to cry. I resent him for sexually rejecting me when I was in my prime in my twenties and thirties (this has been going on in one form or another since I was 23! I am 45 now). I consider it a form of passive aggression, of which he is the master. I've never been able to figure out whether he is just a very heavily closeted gay/bi man or genuinely experiences very low desire. I don't think he ever masturbates. Or maybe it's a form of control. He has been emotionally abusive in the past, and at the moment we are in a 'marriage of convenience'. We financially rely on one another and he is an outstanding father. He's a decent husband (aside from sex) and we have some things in common. But the reality is I am staying for my children and because I financially have to. I really don't know how much longer I can continue and I am not even sure it's healthy as surely the children will pick up on the relative lack of physical affection. I have noticed my 15 year old can demonstrate a lack of respect for me and I think he sees this in his father.
|
|
|
|
Post by lonelyhubby on May 19, 2024 12:06:17 GMT -5
And we are back to silence, distance and not looking me in the eye - Friday night was rub my butt time, and now she may as well be a stranger.
|
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on May 19, 2024 16:01:04 GMT -5
Yes, about 13 years ago, I hit the wall and stopped trying. About 2 years later, I filed for divorce. I've now been happily divorced for almost 11 years. I've learned that if a partner isn't putting in effort, it's not worth it for me to keep trying or to remain in a dead relationship.
|
|
|
|
Post by njsojourner on May 19, 2024 17:50:13 GMT -5
I haven’t been on in a while. My view is that once we find ourselves in an entrenched sexless relationship, it’s time to move on and not keep trying to change what is unchangeable. For me, given financial concerns that divorce would involve and also that we do not have an acrimonious relationship and get long pretty well except for a total lack of intimacy, the only solution was outsourcing. I wish it were otherwise but that ship has sailed. I get my satisfaction from time to time from my play partners. My wife doesn't know but I don’t feel she is entitled to know given all the water under the bridge.
|
|
ariso
New Member
Posts: 16
Age Range: 36-40
|
Post by ariso on May 20, 2024 8:24:00 GMT -5
I really don't know how much longer I can continue and I am not even sure it's healthy as surely the children will pick up on the relative lack of physical affection. I have noticed my 15 year old can demonstrate a lack of respect for me and I think he sees this in his father. The last line you wrote, my God… Our youngest is only 6 years old, but when he’s angry his behaviour definitely mirrors his father’s. All the harsh words, even the tone is the same… They pick up on it very quickly. |
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on May 20, 2024 10:24:23 GMT -5
I really don't know how much longer I can continue and I am not even sure it's healthy as surely the children will pick up on the relative lack of physical affection. I have noticed my 15 year old can demonstrate a lack of respect for me and I think he sees this in his father. The last line you wrote, my God… Our youngest is only 6 years old, but when he’s angry his behaviour definitely mirrors his father’s. All the harsh words, even the tone is the same… They pick up on it very quickly. Need to nip that in the butt very quickly. Please don't let them know it's ok to disrespect woman or girls. Teach them young how you would like to be treated and let them know the way dad talks to you is not ok. |
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on May 20, 2024 10:53:02 GMT -5
sophie99: "The last line you wrote, my God… Our youngest is only 6 years old, but when he’s angry his behaviour definitely mirrors his father’s. All the harsh words, even the tone is the same… They pick up on it very quickly."
By tolerating that behavior by sticking around you are teaching your child how to treat you and how to treat or be treated by their future friends and romantic partners.
|
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on May 21, 2024 16:20:54 GMT -5
I don't know anymore, just don't know. Still have 2 kids in the house, 17 and 13 year old. Really thinking of just biding my time, keeping my mouth shut and waiting until I can escape without 2-3K a month being fed to the system and me living in a cardboard box for the rest of my life. I will be 64, and am still in good shape, with no major medical issues. Is anyone else feeling like this as well? If you are considering divorce, it's a good idea to consult a lawyer and find out the law in your jurisdiction. In many jurisdictions such as my own, waiting it out can end up tripping a legal wire that can make you accountable for spousal support for the rest of her life, as opposed to a fixed duration for a marriage that is shorter. It may end up costing you more than child support for a few years. |
|
|
|
Post by lonelyhubby on May 22, 2024 6:48:53 GMT -5
I live in a no alimony state. Child support only.
|
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on May 22, 2024 9:15:22 GMT -5
I live in a no alimony state. Child support only. Nice!!!! Do you mind me asking what state so I can move there😝 |
|
|
|
Post by lonelyhubby on May 22, 2024 12:07:40 GMT -5
Indiana
|
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on May 22, 2024 13:05:39 GMT -5
Ok we had this discussion I just remembered. I'm the neighbor in Ohio. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on May 26, 2024 18:44:21 GMT -5
lonelyhubby , if it is at the point where you are planning your escape in the distant future, talk with a lawyer about the laws in your jurisdiction, and how things will shake out for you. You may also look into moving where the laws are more in your favor. Already done so. I am in a state where there is no alimony. But heavy child support. So, waiting pattern is almost assured. The situation is tolerable if there is an end in sight, but I am just feeling the ability to reconcile slipping away from me (as in I am starting to not care and resent the stonewall and forced celibacy as she simply refuses to move on fixing her block) Can you define "heavy" child support. In Texas where I live, child support is taking your "discretionary" (basically after paying your taxes) income and giving 20 percent of it for one child and 25 percent of it if you have 2 with an additional 5 percent up to something like 40-50 cap if you have 6 kids or something. Nevertheless, as painful as it was I took the divorce plunge when my youngest was 13 simply because my marriage had me thinking of suicide. In all I think I paid about 110k-120k during that time but at the end of it I was free. I the meantime, I got my life completely squared away and am happier than I've ever been. Had I waited, I wouldn't have gotten those years back. No amount of money compensates for that. Also keep in mind that those years tend to be peak earning years so any savings you build as a couple likely gets split at the end. Sadly, many are here in the forum who didn't split for "financial reasons" only to continue to intertwine finances. Then the issue becomes the split becomes untenable to ever retire or stop working. Sometimes if the spouse is a spender, they are a financial anchor that you practically can never detach from noatter how bad it gets. I'd advise you to do that math after consulting with an attorney. When taking into account "the rest of your life" as opposed to "the next 5 years" you may find the scales on financial side become somewhat more even. If you have to pay spousal support forever? Different scenario. |
|
