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Post by mirrororchid on May 14, 2024 7:55:44 GMT -5
I DO think she simply takes me and everything for granted - I don't do things for her to get anything from her - I do it out of love. But she simply shuts down - said yesterday she wishes she knew what she could do to help me - I just gave her the look like yeah - everything except that. she shut down, but insisted on cuddling with a nap later. I am however, simply hitting the wall when it comes to giving much more and going numb myself. Just suffering through it until it either changes on her side, or I leave once it is financially feasible.
Missingout Posts: 203 Age Range: 46-50 yesterday at 8:45am via mobile yesterday at 8:45am ...My wife is the same when it comes house hold chores. She's at home most of the week and I do all the cooking and kitchen duties and outside chores. I stopped the little things that I did out of love and caring about a year ago. She went through my personal phone and work phone thinking I was having an affair because of these changes. Even though I told her I wasn't and it was her lack of initiating love or sex. She found nothing on the phones of course so I don't know when she will look at herself and try to figure out what went wrong. When I decided to open our marriage, a lot of the resentment over the chores went away. I was the excellent husband she wanted, and by tolerating my mistress, she would deserve the life of luxury I provided. Leave if you want to, but if sex is the missing element, opening the marriage with her knowledge, but without her consent is an option. (Once you do as IronHamster suggested in terms of having legal ducks in a row.) If celibacy is mandatory, she can divorce you and she'll need to be ready to explain why you opened the marriage. Do they give up free butler and chef service and a reliable economic partner for the sake of societal expectations? Maybe. Maybe not. Mrs. MirrorOrchid saw the future and chose to fold her cards, seeming to recognize my mistress plan was entirely reasonable, but didn't like it, and overcame her celibacy to restore most of the marriage we once had. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on May 14, 2024 8:26:15 GMT -5
I don't believe she would go for opening up the marriage. Never asked. It seems like she wants to look for a new cook by her actions.
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 14, 2024 9:02:24 GMT -5
I took my wedding ring off yesterday, she noticed but hasn't said anything yet. Did send me a text out of the blue this morning saying she loves me and is hoping for no headache tonight. I seriously doubt that has anything to do with intimacy
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Post by worksforme2 on May 14, 2024 9:29:36 GMT -5
I don't believe she would go for opening up the marriage. Never asked. It seems like she wants to look for a new cook by her actions. Taking the "shock and awe" approach by suggesting the marriage be "open" is certainly one way you can go. Such an approach may be sufficient to bring about a change of heart on her part. I took this approach and it worked for about 3 months as my then W resumed being sexual again. You won't know until you have the conversation. Or she may outright reject the idea, insisting on continued monogamous celibacy. I would suggest before having that conversation you have a conversation with an attorney , just in case things go sideways. The conversation with the attorney is in case she chooses to look for a new cook, if she hasn't already been enjoying a meal on the side without your knowleedge. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 14, 2024 17:47:29 GMT -5
So she comes home from work, I am cooking dinner and she hugs me from behind and plants a kiss on my cheek - WTF?  ? I seriously can't figure this Woman out |
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on May 14, 2024 19:03:50 GMT -5
So she comes home from work, I am cooking dinner and she hugs me from behind and plants a kiss on my cheek - WTF? ? I seriously can't figure this Woman out My wife does stuff like this out of the blue too, like there's nothing wrong at all. Meanwhile she can go for weeks without letting me kiss her. |
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Post by toughtiger on May 14, 2024 22:04:48 GMT -5
So she comes home from work, I am cooking dinner and she hugs me from behind and plants a kiss on my cheek - WTF? ? I seriously can't figure this Woman out Do you ever suspect they do it when they somehow KNOW we are done and ready for the next step. mine played the I love you card when i was on my business trip .... so i said "thank you" not giving him that satisfaction of any response trying to say it may make me vomit. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 15, 2024 16:40:28 GMT -5
So she comes home from work, I am cooking dinner and she hugs me from behind and plants a kiss on my cheek - WTF? ? I seriously can't figure this Woman out Do you ever suspect they do it when they somehow KNOW we are done and ready for the next step. mine played the I love you card when i was on my business trip .... so i said "thank you" not giving him that satisfaction of any response trying to say it may make me vomit. Could be - she did notice I am not wearing my wedding ring any longer. didn't say anything about it, but could be some change in behavior related to that |
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Post by toughtiger on May 15, 2024 19:30:14 GMT -5
Do you ever suspect they do it when they somehow KNOW we are done and ready for the next step. mine played the I love you card when i was on my business trip .... so i said "thank you" not giving him that satisfaction of any response trying to say it may make me vomit. Could be - she did notice I am not wearing my wedding ring any longer. didn't say anything about it, but could be some change in behavior related to that that is a sign ... i quit wearing mine too he has not said a word but i think he noticed. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on May 16, 2024 1:02:34 GMT -5
Oh, she answered it. Openly said it's not important to her, she doesn't get anything out of it. So, rather than explore that and work towards what does make her happy - she has disconnected her sexuality (at least through sex with me) - she does try to masturbate, but lack of pleasure, numbness and inability to climax are all issues now. She has just shut down. So basically your happiness is not important to her. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on May 16, 2024 1:14:27 GMT -5
So she comes home from work, I am cooking dinner and she hugs me from behind and plants a kiss on my cheek - WTF? ? I seriously can't figure this Woman out Bait and switch, also known as reset. It's like gambling. The rewards are just random enough to keep you coming back but the odds are always in favor of the house. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 16, 2024 6:40:23 GMT -5
Not so sure - she asked me to feel her butt this morning for smoothness after shower and lotion. That's the first time in 8 years she asked me to touch her.
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m76
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Post by m76 on May 16, 2024 6:55:40 GMT -5
Not so sure - she asked me to feel her butt this morning for smoothness after shower and lotion. That's the first time in 8 years she asked me to touch her. Wtf |
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 16, 2024 6:58:13 GMT -5
Not so sure - she asked me to feel her butt this morning for smoothness after shower and lotion. That's the first time in 8 years she asked me to touch her. Wtf EXACTLY! |
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Post by csl on May 17, 2024 6:44:58 GMT -5
I took my wedding ring off yesterday, she noticed but hasn't said anything yet. Did send me a text out of the blue this morning saying she loves me and is hoping for no headache tonight. I seriously doubt that has anything to do with intimacy This, and following actions, ARE because of the ring. On another forum, a man told of leaving his ring on the bedroom nightstand one morning, that his wife noticed it and it led to deep discussions and restarting their bedroom. I can tell you that this change lasted over three years, all the time that I was on that forum. Mind you, it was a Christian forum, and they were in a denomination in which symbols, such as a wedding ring, were taken seriously. Not offering hopium here, but it is apparent that your action triggered a reaction in her. Instead of wandering and wondering, this appears to be creating an opportunity for a dialog. Not saying it will lead to change, but it is, at least, a show of concern on her part. --------------- BTW, I am remembering a different guy on that forum that I dialogued with. I had recommended to someone that taking the ring off would be a message, and he got upset with me. It seemed that one morning he noticed that his wife wasn't wearing her wedding ring and he asked why. It seemed that she wasn't happy in the marriage (not sexlessness; some other issue) and had stopped wearing it for months before he noticed. He said that they talked, went to counseling, and changed the climate of the marriage (she had been heading toward the Walk Away Wife syndrome we are familiar with), but that he thought that removing the wedding ring just wasn't playing cricket. I asked him, "It got your attention, didn't it?" "Yes," but it still wasn't right to him. "It worked, didn't it?" End of discussion. |
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? I seriously can't figure this Woman out 
