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Post by 3000more on Jun 13, 2016 10:56:26 GMT -5
Rhapsodee , it used to be that if a married person developed an interest in someone else, but did not physically stray, it was called a crush, and nobody got too upset about it. After all, they *are* technically obeying the rules. Now, if you are married, but have a crush on someone else, if you are unlucky enough to be found out, it gets called an "emotional affair." And your refuser, and refuser apologists, will carry on about it as if you had actually been f-cking that person. IMHO, if a spouse is refusing, and all you do is develop a crush on someone (and nothing physical happens), they have no right to complain. It this is correct, I've been having an emotional affair with my new impact wrench. I have such strong feelings for her.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jun 13, 2016 11:29:04 GMT -5
It this is correct, I've been having an emotional affair with my new impact wrench. I have such strong feelings for her.... |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 13, 2016 11:31:10 GMT -5
It this is correct, I've been having an emotional affair with my new impact wrench. I have such strong feelings for her.... , if it gets physical, well... I hope the reattachment surgery goes well! They get torqued so easily. |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jun 13, 2016 11:31:50 GMT -5
Surely an emotional 'affair' is more than a crush? I would have thought it would entail a reciprocal sharing of thoughts, feelings etc. If it is a friendship that you need to hide from your significant other, then you have crossed a line.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 13, 2016 11:43:49 GMT -5
Surely an emotional 'affair' is more than a crush? I would have thought it would entail a reciprocal sharing of thoughts, feelings etc. If it is a friendship that you need to hide from your significant other, then you have crossed a line. I used to concur, however... your spouse defines where that line is, and it's not always in a reasonable place. Then there's the question of whether they're entitled to claim your exclusivity when they refuse to even attempt to meet your emotional and physical needs. Most of us wouldn't have sought out such a forum, nor spend time on it - let alone develop an emotional attachment to someone - if our spouse was engaged with us. |
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Post by wewbwb on Jun 13, 2016 12:20:28 GMT -5
Surely an emotional 'affair' is more than a crush? I would have thought it would entail a reciprocal sharing of thoughts, feelings etc. If it is a friendship that you need to hide from your significant other, then you have crossed a line. I'm not a really smart guy - but I sure learned that I married the wrong woman. I don't think anyone is here BECAUSE they were happy in their relationship - But I know that this forum has help me. So want to stop "affairs" emotional or otherwise? Take care of your partners needs. Sometimes it is illness that interferes and FORCES us into a SM. It still means one person isn't having their needs met. So any attachments and fulfillment that we get actually allows us the be with our SO a little easier. It eases the pain a little. I wasn't on EP - this forum showed me that. |
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Post by wewbwb on Jun 13, 2016 14:23:23 GMT -5
I always found it particularly annoying this attitude towards meeting people and finding sex and/or love on EP. What's the difference really? Why don't I see polls about people who met in online forums dedicated to photography or literature or more general? What's so particular about meeting people anywhere? EP was a place like any other. You get to read someone's stories, you find something particular about them, you write each other, you exchange your email perhaps, you cyber chat, you have cyber sex, or if you're more courageous and adventurous and you both may afford it, you meet in real life for a coffee, you decide to meet again, you have a relationship, you fall in love, you fall out of love, you break their heart, or they break yours... Don't all of these happen when you accidentally meet someone at a long journey in train, or transatlantic flight, or work seminar, or a bar, or a library, or at your book club? What's the fuss about meeting people in EP or anywhere else in the online world, really? Again, I never had any bad experience from EP, was never the recipient of any picture of somebody's private parts, so really my experience can't compare with others' here. I'm not sure it justifies it's very own thread, I don't see what's there to discuss about. Anyway... I agree - lets say this a horse riding forum. What would be different? Common interests and hobbies and a common experiences. |
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Post by dancingbear70 on Jun 13, 2016 14:26:45 GMT -5
I hear you Fiery. But EP always felt different to me. I started the thread wondering if it held that place for others. For me it was different in that these interactions were "firsts" after being in a SM for many years. I had never sexted before EP. I had never skyped with someone. I had never flown across country to go on a date with someone I only knew from an online forum. Etc. I guess you are right that people hookup in any venue, but for almost half of people in sexless marriages to have found someone to engage with physically in a place that isn't specifically for that purpose seems notable. For me, opening me up to those experiences is a big part of what makes the memory of EP special to me. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 14:30:23 GMT -5
I always found it particularly annoying this attitude towards meeting people and finding sex and/or love on EP. What's the difference really? Why don't I see polls about people who met in online forums dedicated to photography or literature or more general? What's so particular about meeting people anywhere? EP was a place like any other. You get to read someone's stories, you find something particular about them, you write each other, you exchange your email perhaps, you cyber chat, you have cyber sex, or if you're more courageous and adventurous and you both may afford it, you meet in real life for a coffee, you decide to meet again, you have a relationship, you fall in love, you fall out of love, you break their heart, or they break yours... Don't all of these happen when you accidentally meet someone at a long journey in train, or transatlantic flight, or work seminar, or a bar, or a library, or at your book club? What's the fuss about meeting people in EP or anywhere else in the online world, really? Again, I never had any bad experience from EP, was never the recipient of any picture of somebody's private parts, so really my experience can't compare with others' here. I'm not sure it justifies it's very own thread, I don't see what's there to discuss about. Anyway... Hmm... This -- and previously EP -- is the only forum I have anything to do with that has ANY women on it AT ALL. I suspect this is the case with most folks. Most of our on-line communication is through sites dedicated to very specific leisure or professional endeavors. And because those tend to be very gender polarized, the subject would never naturally come up. So, if I'm going to remain heterosexual and have an on-line relationship, this is where it will happen. Also, the global (albeit English speaking) nature of the site makes such possibilities statistically improbable without significant finagling by the interested parties. I think it's an interesting subject. Frankly, I'm always surprised whenever I hear that someone hooked up or started an Emotional Affair with someone on-line. Where and How? EP (and this) was the only forum of its kind I ever stumbled upon. I'm not aware of any others. So, this is even more interesting. Thank You, dancingbear70 |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 13, 2016 14:35:52 GMT -5
dancingbear70 , I think even the initial results are pretty interesting. Granted, perhaps a skewed audience, but at the moment 12 out of 28 respondents (42.857143%, for those keeping score) have had sex with someone from EP. That's a surprisingly high percentage to me; far more than I expected would have made the connection, purely for logistical/cost reasons. Of course, it could branch out to many more questions... like, did they meet in ILIASM, or the horse-riding group? About half of the handful I've known met elsewhere on EP, even if they were ILIASM members. Looking at the resulting statistic more broadly, "a lot of people who are left with an itch, scratch it."
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 13, 2016 14:41:26 GMT -5
@fiery - very good post it got me to thinking in a compare and contrast sort of way.
I think the difference is that with other online forums the members may be happy in their marriages.
However here you have this large group of people wanting to change their marriages or their status. That's not a common group type that we see in other forums, or church groups, or meet up groups. As well the aspect of anonymity is so freeing and really allows one to tell strangers their innermost secrets, tragedies, desires, etc.
The fact that we are all lacking something in our marriage and perhaps seeking what we are lacking elsewhere is not a typical topic to share. EP was my secret and I treasured the escape. It was like going down into a rabbit hole.
I think some people wanted a connection of some sort even if it was in an online way to feel wanted and desired.
I don't think there is a right or wrong just a what's right for you at the time, and that could change from month to month. It could also just disappear and go away one day without warning. I've always thought that the online thing is like dust in the wind. So I think EP ILIASM is different than most other forums but I'm thankful for the purpose it served in my life. I'm most thankful for the friendships I made there. Just my two cents.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 14:42:44 GMT -5
dancingbear70 , I think even the initial results are pretty interesting. Granted, perhaps a skewed audience, but at the moment 12 out of 28 respondents (42.857143%, for those keeping score) have had sex with someone from EP. That's a surprisingly high percentage to me; far more than I expected would have made the connection, purely for logistical/cost reasons. Of course, it could branch out to many more questions... like, did they meet in ILIASM, or the horse-riding group? About half of the handful I've known met elsewhere on EP, even if they were ILIASM members. Looking at the resulting statistic more broadly, "a lot of people who are left with an itch, scratch it." Maybe we're not quite as sexless as our marriages would indicate? |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 14:44:52 GMT -5
@fiery - very good post it got me to thinking in a compare and contrast sort of way. I think the difference is that with other online forums the members may be happy in their marriages. However here you have this large group of people wanting to change their marriages or their status. That's not a common group type that we see in other forums, or church groups, or meet up groups. As well the aspect of anonymity is so freeing and really allows one to tell strangers their innermost secrets, tragedies, desires, etc. The fact that we are all lacking something in our marriage and perhaps seeking what we are lacking elsewhere is not a typical topic to share. EP was my secret and I treasured the escape. It was like going down into a rabbit hole. I think some people wanted a connection of some sort even if it was in an online way to feel wanted and desired. I don't think there is a right or wrong just a what's right for you at the time, and that could change from month to month. It could also just disappear and go away one day without warning. I've always thought that the online thing is like dust in the wind. So I think EP ILIASM is different than most other forums but I'm thankful for the purpose it served in my life. I'm most thankful for the friendships I made there. Just my two cents. HA! I bet feeling randy or lonely or just plain horny wouldn't be such an embarrassing subject to broach with someone you meet here, would it. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 13, 2016 14:51:21 GMT -5
@fiery - very good post it got me to thinking in a compare and contrast sort of way. I think the difference is that with other online forums the members may be happy in their marriages. However here you have this large group of people wanting to change their marriages or their status. That's not a common group type that we see in other forums, or church groups, or meet up groups. As well the aspect of anonymity is so freeing and really allows one to tell strangers their innermost secrets, tragedies, desires, etc. The fact that we are all lacking something in our marriage and perhaps seeking what we are lacking elsewhere is not a typical topic to share. EP was my secret and I treasured the escape. It was like going down into a rabbit hole. I think some people wanted a connection of some sort even if it was in an online way to feel wanted and desired. I don't think there is a right or wrong just a what's right for you at the time, and that could change from month to month. It could also just disappear and go away one day without warning. I've always thought that the online thing is like dust in the wind. So I think EP ILIASM is different than most other forums but I'm thankful for the purpose it served in my life. I'm most thankful for the friendships I made there. Just my two cents. HA! I bet feeling randy or lonely or just plain horny wouldn't be such an embarrassing subject to broach with someone you meet here, would it. Not at all. To me being horny means you are still alive and healthy and if someone connects with someone intimately online and can make it a little more exciting, if they can make someone else feel wanted and desired then just enjoy the moment. However that is something that should be private that's what makes it special. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 13, 2016 14:58:51 GMT -5
Maybe we're not quite as sexless as our marriages would indicate? LOL! Great movie line... "Remember dear, when we were married you had sex more often than me." And yes, I'd be more comfortable being blunt with someone I met here, for sure. Someone who considers desire "normal" and appreciates it. I've had those blunt 1:1 conversations here, and it's an amazing degree of openness. |
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