An unintended side effect

Made some more headway last night (long exhausting talk into the wee hours of the morning). She apologized for invalidating my need for sex - straight up apologized after trying to say my need for it was not important, etc... Then we have a deep discussion regarding where she was and exactly what the issue is that turned her off sex (was it me, was it something else) She indicated that she changed and just no longer connects with wanting sex. As I suspected, she admitted the Prozac (80mg per day for migraines) may have something to do with it, that and a culmination of PTSD from all of the kids for 15 years straight full time, and just crashing mentally and physically. She even discussed perhaps looking at alternatives, and working to get back to not being off sex - but no dates for this are established. she also said the last couple of times we did it years ago, she didn't want it and did not enjoy it at all, but that was not due to me - just her disconnection and lack of desire, and generally becoming put off by any sex, etc.. Around the same time we entered SM territory, she starts Prozac (was at over 150mg per day) the 22 year old step son chose to bring drugs into the house, got kicked out which severed the relationship with his Mother and myself, her father dies a few months later and the special needs from our kids all came to a spectacular head (while I was of course working 70+ hours a week) - so that hit her hard and as she explained it, she is trying to get clear from all the stress and mental overload

I figured it's been SM almost 7 years, we are starting counseling with a marriage and sex therapist in about 6 weeks - no need to push it yet. She said she wants to cuddle and keep connected as she continues to work through this - and acknowledged that my actions have been helpful, she feels much better about this and that if she can change away from it, she is working to change back to whatever degree we can get to (very non-specific). I again confronted her about the lack of kissing, and she said she wasn't put off by me, she just turned that off and got out of the habit, as that would lead to sex and confrontation. I told her she needs to work on starting up again with kissing and that may help with responsive desire. I am sure our therapist is going to agree with me - I have already been speaking with her about this - she is very much a "sex is mandatory in marriage" kind of person.

Not sure of this will just become more bread crumbs, or positive steps towards reconciliation. Time will tell.

Yes - we have cuddled a lot, she has fallen asleep on me, caressed me, back rubbed, head rubbed - held hands, etc.. A lot in the last 2 weeks.  But adamantly  no sex or anything sexual at this time.  She says she simply is not there and adds "yet".  No pun intended, but I hope it isn't hopium.

Thanks. A lot of work ahead, regardless of how it turns out, you know?

Sounds like you'll have checked off the box that says "Non-sexual physical intimacy."

If she runs out of boxes to check, she may need individual time with the marriage/sex counselor and a deadline. Divorce or outsource.
Unless you can ultimately handle the stay and accept route.

Endless hopium is what leads people to ILIASM and indicates a need for something else.

What is the SM equivalent of fentanyl? (too dark?)

Sounds like some progress forward there lonelyhubby

My wife likes cuddling and wants me to rub on her back and massage her sore muscles. She knows physical touch is my 1st love language but don't get any of the rubbing or massaging on me unless I ask. She never just initiates that either and it makes me sad to even think that my wife doesn't do these things for me unless asked. I know it's just who she is and I have to accept that for a bit anyway.

I’m the main income earner, handyman, father, and chore runner in my house. I really don’t feel like a husband to her, more like a roommate and co parent.