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Post by lonelyhubby on Sept 25, 2024 6:46:51 GMT -5
If she has declared she is Asexual and even has a sticker on her car - cut her and yourself loose from something that simply can't work without either of you being miserable and doing something that neither wants to do. This is far different than the run of the mill sexless marriage issue - this is a declaration of allegiance to something that is incompatible with what most would consider a societal and relationship norm. Unless you can live with someone who openly is Asexual and be OK with it - best to make the call and get out. Given her dedication to Asexuality - you may also want to discuss with an Attorney regarding constructive abandonment or other issues that would prevent you from being taken to the cleaners in a divorce.
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Post by csl on Sept 25, 2024 8:05:44 GMT -5
It would seem that her asexual pride sign is her way of flipping you the bird. Am I wrong?
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Post by lonelytiger on Sept 25, 2024 9:56:18 GMT -5
I'm wonder if she would still consider herself asexual if yall did divorce?
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Post by deadzone75 on Sept 25, 2024 13:29:16 GMT -5
I'm wonder if she would still consider herself asexual if yall did divorce? I'm guessing not. It is my understanding from posts that she enjoys getting herself off to romance novels. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Sept 25, 2024 17:32:08 GMT -5
I'm wonder if she would still consider herself asexual if yall did divorce? I'm guessing not. It is my understanding from posts that she enjoys getting herself off to romance novels. Not quite.. she reads and writes them but very rarely gets aroused by them. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Sept 25, 2024 17:33:33 GMT -5
Her car is actually a really nice sports car that gets parked in the garage over the winter... so I did like driving it, but not anymore. It's attention grabbing enough I don't want that flag association. I think you and us all know where we are here, so its either decision time or put her on a timetable to force a decision (from you rather than her TBH) .. X activity within x weeks then x times a week after that, any deviation and we are done..... you are torturing yourself, and I am finding it very uncomfortable to watch my friend, I re-read your posts and the position is the same now on page 38 as it was on page 1 I don't know what hold she has on you, but I can tell you it is not love.... no frickin way.......... Go find someone new to be with..... Start over, it will be hard but at least you will be with someone who is ok with you being hard and wants to reciprocate!!! The hold over me is debt and my son in his last year of highschool. |
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Post by lonelytiger on Sept 26, 2024 6:24:39 GMT -5
I think you and us all know where we are here, so its either decision time or put her on a timetable to force a decision (from you rather than her TBH) .. X activity within x weeks then x times a week after that, any deviation and we are done..... you are torturing yourself, and I am finding it very uncomfortable to watch my friend, I re-read your posts and the position is the same now on page 38 as it was on page 1 I don't know what hold she has on you, but I can tell you it is not love.... no frickin way.......... Go find someone new to be with..... Start over, it will be hard but at least you will be with someone who is ok with you being hard and wants to reciprocate!!! The hold over me is debt and my son in his last year of highschool. I can totally understand that. Once my youngest is out of the house I will be reevaluating my situation. |
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Post by week5of35years on Sept 26, 2024 6:48:11 GMT -5
I think you and us all know where we are here, so its either decision time or put her on a timetable to force a decision (from you rather than her TBH) .. X activity within x weeks then x times a week after that, any deviation and we are done..... you are torturing yourself, and I am finding it very uncomfortable to watch my friend, I re-read your posts and the position is the same now on page 38 as it was on page 1 I don't know what hold she has on you, but I can tell you it is not love.... no frickin way.......... Go find someone new to be with..... Start over, it will be hard but at least you will be with someone who is ok with you being hard and wants to reciprocate!!! The hold over me is debt and my son in his last year of highschool. Once we actually started sharing intimacy again I realised a few of things.... 1) no way was I going to be able to "survive" with no sex or variety in my life... we would be divorcing now TBH... 2) I think in my 50's I got a real sense of my own mortality and I could clearly see myself dying at some ripe old age in my nice house with my nice car, bitterly regretting not having had more sexual experiences and 3) I realise how much my W and I "sniped" at each other, I was becoming increasingly bitter, and how I backed out of being nice and us all doing nice things.... that's not a great place to bring kids up in.... (I know) |
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Post by deadzone75 on Sept 26, 2024 13:12:58 GMT -5
I'm guessing not. It is my understanding from posts that she enjoys getting herself off to romance novels. Not quite.. she reads and writes them but very rarely gets aroused by them. If she really does hate sex, I bet her romance novels suck. |
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Sept 26, 2024 13:33:47 GMT -5
Not quite.. she reads and writes them but very rarely gets aroused by them. If she really does hate sex, I bet her romance novels suck. I won't read them so I can't say for sure. All i do know is that there's no way she can quit her day job on what she makes from that. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Sept 29, 2024 12:18:24 GMT -5
Big blow up this morning. We hashed it out much more in depth than previously. She stated that orgasm is not an issue, but desire for sex is and she just doesn't know what to do she agreed to FINALLY discuss in detail with her OBGYN in the next couple of weeks during her scheduled appointment. I really laid into her about breadcrumbing me and no personal touch or kissing / sexual in nature. She gave the water works, but I held as firm as I could without being mean. Maybe some headway finally - have to see what the OBGYN results are
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Post by lonelytiger on Sept 29, 2024 13:37:20 GMT -5
Big blow up this morning. We hashed it out much more in depth than previously. She stated that orgasm is not an issue, but desire for sex is and she just doesn't know what to do she agreed to FINALLY discuss in detail with her OBGYN in the next couple of weeks during her scheduled appointment. I really laid into her about breadcrumbing me and no personal touch or kissing / sexual in nature. She gave the water works, but I held as firm as I could without being mean. Maybe some headway finally - have to see what the OBGYN results are My wife and I have been through this discussion several times and she always promised to discuss with her gynecologist about her lack of desire. She always “forgot” at her appointments too. Good luck with your wife and I hope she does mention these issues to her gynecologist. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 30, 2024 6:10:33 GMT -5
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Post by lonelyhubby on Sept 30, 2024 6:41:05 GMT -5
Big blow up this morning. We hashed it out much more in depth than previously. She stated that orgasm is not an issue, but desire for sex is and she just doesn't know what to do she agreed to FINALLY discuss in detail with her OBGYN in the next couple of weeks during her scheduled appointment. I really laid into her about breadcrumbing me and no personal touch or kissing / sexual in nature. She gave the water works, but I held as firm as I could without being mean. Maybe some headway finally - have to see what the OBGYN results are My wife and I have been through this discussion several times and she always promised to discuss with her gynecologist about her lack of desire. She always “forgot” at her appointments too. Good luck with your wife and I hope she does mention these issues to her gynecologist. Thanks - I made it clear that if this is not resolved, The next step would be for me to speak to an attorney. I am hoping she understands this is unsustainable without regular physical intimacy and sex. Yes, we cuddle, but nothing that would or could lead to sex. She also admitted it isn't a problem with orgasm, as she masturbates and it's working - she said she simply has no desire. We discussed the effects of Prozac, Propranolol, Progesterone birth control (to manage heavy flow and irregularity / ovarian cysts), the hormone imbalances that occur in Perimenopause, etc.. When she admitted she just has no desire, that's when she said she doesn't know what to do - I flatly said she needs to see the menopause specialist I referred to her 6 months ago, because her OBGYN isn't cutting it. |
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Post by isthisit on Sept 30, 2024 15:54:40 GMT -5
My wife and I have been through this discussion several times and she always promised to discuss with her gynecologist about her lack of desire. She always “forgot” at her appointments too. Good luck with your wife and I hope she does mention these issues to her gynecologist. Thanks - I made it clear that if this is not resolved, The next step would be for me to speak to an attorney. I am hoping she understands this is unsustainable without regular physical intimacy and sex. Yes, we cuddle, but nothing that would or could lead to sex. She also admitted it isn't a problem with orgasm, as she masturbates and it's working - she said she simply has no desire. We discussed the effects of Prozac, Propranolol, Progesterone birth control (to manage heavy flow and irregularity / ovarian cysts), the hormone imbalances that occur in Perimenopause, etc.. When she admitted she just has no desire, that's when she said she doesn't know what to do - I flatly said she needs to see the menopause specialist I referred to her 6 months ago, because her OBGYN isn't cutting it. I am a little lost here. She claims to have lost desire yet masturbates? So, she has desire for solo sex, but not sex with you? I would either fast forward to that attorney or ask her to explain the difference. |
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