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Post by lonelyhubby on May 3, 2024 14:49:45 GMT -5
Prepare for perhaps some hysterical bonding effort.
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 377
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Post by m76 on May 3, 2024 15:00:26 GMT -5
Prepare for perhaps some hysterical bonding effort. I wish.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 3, 2024 15:18:46 GMT -5
On a side note regarding external partners... My wife has started to become obsessed with who my friends are online. Asking about various Facebook contacts and who they are, how I know them. Until 2 weeks ago she never questioned anything about my social media. I think she may suspect I'm cheating even though I'm not. I'm a homebody and rarely out unless it's to go an activity like my volunteering or to the gym. Couple thoughts on that : 1) Women ( not all of them) tend to want you more, once other women start to show interest in you. However, it can fade quickly, it's an emotional reaction. Personal example: I can count 25 women in my 'dance community' that are my DPO's ( dance partner only- 5 on a reg. basis) . For the past 2 months one of them who is 13 yrs. older than me, came on very strong. I've been visiting her at her house to practice dance at the club house in the community where she lives, and doing some side repair work jobs at her house. We walk in the dance studio's together, sit together, dance together, leave together, ride together. ( there's flirting with no sex/intimacy between us- my choice). Suddenly- magically! I'm getting bombarded by texts from the other 5 DPO's! Wanting to - just say good morning- want to know where I'll be dancing that night- compliments galore on my clothes,shoes,dancing, and are suddenly inviting me to sign up with them for more dance lessons, and practice dancing at their houses! Other women are suddenly talking to me by the snack bar and telling me all about "that man you see me with isn't my husband/boyfriend, I'm single" , are inviting me to go to bars after the dance studio, etc...etc... We men see things differently...when a woman walks in with a man, leaves with that man dances only with that man, spends the evening, sitting at a table talking with that man , the other men get the message and give that man his space. ( just like we would want to be treated) But I digress.... 2) My now ex W. had detached herself so long ago ,there was no coming back.... at least not with me. 3) Your wife is hoping for an excuse to shift the cheating blame solely on you ( DARVO) Avoiding the facts that she turned off the sex/intimacy years ago and continues to cheat you out of the sex/intimacy that comes with the marriage. 4) I've read several stories that claim: The reason a spouse/partner suspects- accuses you of cheating ( suddenly shows great interest in who you spend your time with) is because they're covering up ( deflecting) from their own bad behaviors ( thoughts/actions)
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Post by Apocrypha on May 3, 2024 15:31:27 GMT -5
On a side note regarding external partners... My wife has started to become obsessed with who my friends are online. Asking about various Facebook contacts and who they are, how I know them. Until 2 weeks ago she never questioned anything about my social media. I think she may suspect I'm cheating even though I'm not. I'm a homebody and rarely out unless it's to go an activity like my volunteering or to the gym. When my former wife began to question the people I was talking to and the friends I was meeting, it was a walking cliche. Turned out that after years of me being unwillingly celibate with a "low libido" wife who blamed me for threatening a marriage over sex, she was having the affair.
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 377
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Post by m76 on May 20, 2024 14:04:35 GMT -5
So, we are on our honeymoon trip, 4 days at an all inclusive resort. The first night here, my wife was working on her writing, so I went to sleep. Day 2 we've gone for a hike and when we got back she had a bath then wanted me to give her a massage...she was nude. After a few minutes she said thank you, put her sleep mask on and is now snoring beside me. I'm not even surprised, just resigned to this is how it will be.
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Post by toughtiger on May 21, 2024 9:07:39 GMT -5
So, we are on our honeymoon trip, 4 days at an all inclusive resort. The first night here, my wife was working on her writing, so I went to sleep. Day 2 we've gone for a hike and when we got back she had a bath then wanted me to give her a massage...she was nude. After a few minutes she said thank you, put her sleep mask on and is now snoring beside me. I'm not even surprised, just resigned to this is how it will be. so the massage do you think she expected more ? maybe she expected you to put on the moves or make it foreplay and seduce her ? you did a good massage and she felt you were not giving the signal you were into it . we can be gun shy after being refused and where they do not want hardly any contact ... when they do we may feel it is bait and switch so we are hesitant I mean i have come to the living room ... hugged spouse in just a bra and panties and he hugs me back like a person you do not want to hug but feel obligated.......and scolds me as neighbor might see me through window ... I lose any interest to try harder to get him out of watching the TV .... I do not feel i must grab him and maybe rub until any blood flow hits the area ....to make him get a clue so i have gone alone to bedroom and DIY.......... the few times i spoke up he said "he had NO idea ....that was what i was aiming for" He did not see the signs or the come on after long time in marriage he could not walk by me without feeling me up i could not get his attention with a real neon sign saying ...."NOW lets do it" sometimes what means GO to one person does not translate especially i feel after an awkward dead time in the relationship.
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 243
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on May 21, 2024 10:11:50 GMT -5
So, we are on our honeymoon trip, 4 days at an all inclusive resort. The first night here, my wife was working on her writing, so I went to sleep. Day 2 we've gone for a hike and when we got back she had a bath then wanted me to give her a massage...she was nude. After a few minutes she said thank you, put her sleep mask on and is now snoring beside me. I'm not even surprised, just resigned to this is how it will be. so the massage do you think she expected more ? maybe she expected you to put on the moves or make it foreplay and seduce her ? you did a good massage and she felt you were not giving the signal you were into it . we can be gun shy after being refused and where they do not want hardly any contact ... when they do we may feel it is bait and switch so we are hesitant I mean i have come to the living room ... hugged spouse in just a bra and panties and he hugs me back like a person you do not want to hug but feel obligated.......and scolds me as neighbor might see me through window ... I lose any interest to try harder to get him out of watching the TV .... I do not feel i must grab him and maybe rub until any blood flow hits the area ....to make him get a clue so i have gone alone to bedroom and DIY.......... the few times i spoke up he said "he had NO idea ....that was what i was aiming for" He did not see the signs or the come on after long time in marriage he could not walk by me without feeling me up i could not get his attention with a real neon sign saying ...."NOW lets do it" sometimes what means GO to one person does not translate especially i feel after an awkward dead time in the relationship. I want this soo bad. Hey look what I got on.. hey look what just popped up😏😝 not lost in translation with this guy. If I'm massaging there are plenty of clues I'm sending out. Slip of the hand or a slip of the finger or a good smack on the ass to get your attention 😂
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Post by Apocrypha on May 21, 2024 16:16:58 GMT -5
So, we are on our honeymoon trip, 4 days at an all inclusive resort. The first night here, my wife was working on her writing, so I went to sleep. Day 2 we've gone for a hike and when we got back she had a bath then wanted me to give her a massage...she was nude. After a few minutes she said thank you, put her sleep mask on and is now snoring beside me. I'm not even surprised, just resigned to this is how it will be. so the massage do you think she expected more ? maybe she expected you to put on the moves or make it foreplay and seduce her ? you did a good massage and she felt you were not giving the signal you were into it . we can be gun shy after being refused and where they do not want hardly any contact ... when they do we may feel it is bait and switch so we are hesitant She put on a sleep mask when it was done. What do you think that says?
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 377
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Post by m76 on May 21, 2024 16:57:41 GMT -5
Day 2 evening she worked on her author newsletter. She is now naked beside me in the room reading a steamy romance but not letting me touch her.
We had talked about using this trip to reconnect and try to have some kind of sexual contact but I guess once again what she says to the therapist and what we do are not the same.
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Post by mirrororchid on May 21, 2024 20:01:08 GMT -5
Day 2 evening she worked on her author newsletter. She is now naked beside me in the room reading a steamy romance but not letting me touch her. We had talked about using this trip to reconnect and try to have some kind of sexual contact but I guess once again what she says to the therapist and what we do are not the same. One of my fonder sessions with Mrs. MirrorOrchid involved her reading a steamy romance while I helped her enjoy it. She doesn't let you touch her, but she gets nude twice. I'm wondering if she doesn't want you to take no for an answer. It may be she doesn't want to ask, but wants to drive you beyond reason, or she wants a coercion fantasy, but without some clarity, I can understand why you're not up for that scenario. If I'm wrong, the results are very poor. Still, to amp up the tease, but refuse your requests. It's either cruel, or a message. I'd hate for you to miss the message. The closest I've bene is holding Mrs. MirrorOrchid's wrists down and I get an uptick in the enthusiasm of the deep kissing. Does Mrs. m76 want to be fucked, rather than made love to? Hard to know how and when to make that switch. It's nothing you or I are used to and you've been thrown in the deep end of the pool. (Assuming it isn't cruelty and is a request to give her a fantasy.) Are any parts of her romances loose at the spine from re-reading? Any sex scenes in there? What is the hero doing with the damsel? (assuming hackneyed clichés are in play) It seems like she may be needing some mind reading to happen here, and that's no small ask.
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Post by Apocrypha on May 22, 2024 15:35:33 GMT -5
Day 2 evening she worked on her author newsletter. She is now naked beside me in the room reading a steamy romance but not letting me touch her. We had talked about using this trip to reconnect and try to have some kind of sexual contact but I guess once again what she says to the therapist and what we do are not the same. There was a point in my marriage at which casual nudity seemed a cruel joke, or at least a passive aggressive dishonesty. I requested a return to modesty to better express the truth of our lack of intimacy. It's not like I like to be naked with my other "buddies". What do you imagine her intention is with this peculiar display? Is she clumsily expecting you to make the magic happen, with her part of it being simply to take her clothes off? Does she think that she's given a green light for you to make a move? Do you want to anymore? Do you think the situation is a setup to create the scenario of another unwelcome advance? Does she get you coming and going with it? If you don't do anything, will she later blame you in therapy for not shooting your shot, but if you do, will it be "let's just cuddle?"
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 377
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Post by m76 on May 22, 2024 16:00:19 GMT -5
Day 2 evening she worked on her author newsletter. She is now naked beside me in the room reading a steamy romance but not letting me touch her. We had talked about using this trip to reconnect and try to have some kind of sexual contact but I guess once again what she says to the therapist and what we do are not the same. There was a point in my marriage at which casual nudity seemed a cruel joke, or at least a passive aggressive dishonesty. I requested a return to modesty to better express the truth of our lack of intimacy. It's not like I like to be naked with my other "buddies". What do you imagine her intention is with this peculiar display? Is she clumsily expecting you to make the magic happen, with her part of it being simply to take her clothes off? Does she think that she's given a green light for you to make a move? Do you want to anymore? Do you think the situation is a setup to create the scenario of another unwelcome advance? Does she get you coming and going with it? If you don't do anything, will she later blame you in therapy for not shooting your shot, but if you do, will it be "let's just cuddle?" I really don't know. But if it's games, I'm not playing. Final night there, she was reading and I was trying to cuddle a bit, rubbing her bum and thigh. She ignored it. About 10 minutes after I turned out the light and rolled over to sleep, she leaned over and said I could cuddle her if I wanted.
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Post by deadzone75 on May 23, 2024 0:21:14 GMT -5
There was a point in my marriage at which casual nudity seemed a cruel joke, or at least a passive aggressive dishonesty. I requested a return to modesty to better express the truth of our lack of intimacy. It's not like I like to be naked with my other "buddies". What do you imagine her intention is with this peculiar display? Is she clumsily expecting you to make the magic happen, with her part of it being simply to take her clothes off? Does she think that she's given a green light for you to make a move? Do you want to anymore? Do you think the situation is a setup to create the scenario of another unwelcome advance? Does she get you coming and going with it? If you don't do anything, will she later blame you in therapy for not shooting your shot, but if you do, will it be "let's just cuddle?" I really don't know. But if it's games, I'm not playing. Final night there, she was reading and I was trying to cuddle a bit, rubbing her bum and thigh. She ignored it. About 10 minutes after I turned out the light and rolled over to sleep, she leaned over and said I could cuddle her if I wanted. The thing is, though, you ARE playing her game. She knows you will, and she clearly gets off on manipulating you. Seriously...nude massage, reading romance in front of you (oh, I'm ASEXUAL though!!!). She couldn't be more obvious if she just kicked you in the balls. She enjoys what she is doing to you. I remember you initially refused this expensive honeymoon trip because you knew what would happen. Yet you caved to her and what happened was exactly what you knew would happen. Ditch this stupid therapist shit, or at least the couple therapy. She is only using those joke sessions to further play this game, and it will go on the rest of your life.
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Post by week5of35years on May 23, 2024 8:20:15 GMT -5
So, we are on our honeymoon trip, 4 days at an all inclusive resort. The first night here, my wife was working on her writing, so I went to sleep. Day 2 we've gone for a hike and when we got back she had a bath then wanted me to give her a massage...she was nude. After a few minutes she said thank you, put her sleep mask on and is now snoring beside me. I'm not even surprised, just resigned to this is how it will be. I had sex 1 times during our 3wk honeymoon, I dearly wish, when we had got home I had told my W to "fuck off" and torture someone else, but I didn't and it was another 12 years before @the Talk.... wasted time... take some action mate.... before you lose what's left of your sanity...
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 377
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Post by m76 on May 23, 2024 11:59:41 GMT -5
So, we are on our honeymoon trip, 4 days at an all inclusive resort. The first night here, my wife was working on her writing, so I went to sleep. Day 2 we've gone for a hike and when we got back she had a bath then wanted me to give her a massage...she was nude. After a few minutes she said thank you, put her sleep mask on and is now snoring beside me. I'm not even surprised, just resigned to this is how it will be. I had sex 1 times during our 3wk honeymoon, I dearly wish, when we had got home I had told my W to "fuck off" and torture someone else, but I didn't and it was another 12 years before @the Talk.... wasted time... take some action mate.... before you lose what's left of your sanity... You're right. I only went on this trip because she had been telling me and the therapist that she wants to do more and that a few days away from the kids and distractions at home would help. I should have known that it wouldn't change anything but I had to give it a chance. I really just dread having the conversation that's going to happen next, it will be the end of my marriage.
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