m76
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Posts: 419
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Post by m76 on Apr 29, 2024 8:47:24 GMT -5
Still in councilling so I learned something new today...
Previously my wife had said that she never masterbates and never has any desire. She revealed today that she regularly masterbates but just for "relaxation".
I'm stunned.
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Post by lonelyhubby on Apr 29, 2024 9:00:02 GMT -5
I have heard that some Women do masturbate to relax before bed. They seem to lose the connection between masturbation and sexual desire.
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m76
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Posts: 419
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Post by m76 on Apr 29, 2024 10:23:54 GMT -5
I have heard that some Women do masturbate to relax before bed. They seem to lose the connection between masturbation and sexual desire. I get this but the reason I'm stunned is because for months she's been saying she never masterbates. Leaning into this I've asked if she would be open to me helping her "relax" and she was actually open to this. So it seems like a mental game to meet the same end result? |
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 29, 2024 11:19:16 GMT -5
I have heard that some Women do masturbate to relax before bed. They seem to lose the connection between masturbation and sexual desire. I get this but the reason I'm stunned is because for months she's been saying she never masterbates. Leaning into this I've asked if she would be open to me helping her "relax" and she was actually open to this. So it seems like a mental game to meet the same end result? this reads like a clever ruse to disguise foreplay on your part. Unless of coarse you have no intenion of eventually easing your member into the honeypot at some point.... |
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m76
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Posts: 419
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Post by m76 on Apr 29, 2024 11:23:11 GMT -5
I get this but the reason I'm stunned is because for months she's been saying she never masterbates. Leaning into this I've asked if she would be open to me helping her "relax" and she was actually open to this. So it seems like a mental game to meet the same end result? this reads like a clever ruse to disguise foreplay on your part. Unless of coarse you have no intenion of eventually easing your member into the honeypot at some point.... Well that's just it.. this will essentially be foreplay, we just won't be calling it that. I would expect that once aroused, more things will happen. I'll let you all know if thus actually works. |
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Missingout
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Posts: 245
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Apr 29, 2024 12:16:58 GMT -5
Holy shit!!!!!wonder if my wife has done the same thing?🤔
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 29, 2024 14:52:53 GMT -5
Still in councilling so I learned something new today... Previously my wife had said that she never masterbates and never has any desire. She revealed today that she regularly masterbates but just for "relaxation". I'm stunned. Then she's twice the liar you already knew she was. She's not "asexual" as she tried to get you to believe. She just doesn't want to do it with you. We all like to "relax" when we have sex.... |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 29, 2024 14:57:28 GMT -5
this reads like a clever ruse to disguise foreplay on your part. Unless of coarse you have no intenion of eventually easing your member into the honeypot at some point.... Well that's just it.. this will essentially be foreplay, we just won't be calling it that. I would expect that once aroused, more things will happen. I'll let you all know if thus actually works. Why in the world would you expect that more things will happen? She won't even cuddle with you, yet you're supposed to believe she's going to let you help her masturbate? Why would it take a hundred counseling sessions to pull it out of her that she...SHOCKER...isn't asexual? Get ready for excuse #1,345,987. DON'T fall for this, my guy. You were doing really well on the acceptance front. This is going to set you back for another 100 sessions. |
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Post by jim44444 on Apr 30, 2024 11:26:28 GMT -5
m76 as much as I would hope that your wife is moving toward a sex life with you I have to agree with @ deadzone75, I think you are being played. The goal posts keep moving. If she masturbates to relax then she could have asked for help long ago. She wants sex of some sort just not with you.
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m76
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Posts: 419
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Post by m76 on Apr 30, 2024 14:07:18 GMT -5
m76 as much as I would hope that your wife is moving toward a sex life with you I have to agree with @ deadzone75, I think you are being played. The goal posts keep moving. If she masturbates to relax then she could have asked for help long ago. She wants sex of some sort just not with you. I think you're both right. And I keep following the carrot. However, I'm mostly still here to provide stability for my son in his last year of school. As long as I'm sticking around its easier to live with a bit of hope then to completely give up. |
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Post by deadzone75 on May 1, 2024 15:19:36 GMT -5
m76 as much as I would hope that your wife is moving toward a sex life with you I have to agree with @ deadzone75, I think you are being played. The goal posts keep moving. If she masturbates to relax then she could have asked for help long ago. She wants sex of some sort just not with you. I think you're both right. And I keep following the carrot. However, I'm mostly still here to provide stability for my son in his last year of school. As long as I'm sticking around its easier to live with a bit of hope then to completely give up. I remember, years and years ago, thinking that my X was asexual, or close to it. One day I found a vibrator I had bought her in a different location (and yes, I checked the position of that thing damn near daily). I was absolutely shocked. I had proof that she WAS in fact a sexual being. It opened up a door, I thought, gave me hope. It was false hope, but I'll never forget the surprise at finding out that she used that toy. So I understand that new rush of hope. |
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Missingout
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on May 1, 2024 19:09:28 GMT -5
I think you're both right. And I keep following the carrot. However, I'm mostly still here to provide stability for my son in his last year of school. As long as I'm sticking around its easier to live with a bit of hope then to completely give up. I remember, years and years ago, thinking that my X was asexual, or close to it. One day I found a vibrator I had bought her in a different location (and yes, I checked the position of that thing damn near daily). I was absolutely shocked. I had proof that she WAS in fact a sexual being. It opened up a door, I thought, gave me hope. It was false hope, but I'll never forget the surprise at finding out that she used that toy. So I understand that new rush of hope. Only thing I have found was a dried up bottle of anal ease and expired condoms😔 |
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Post by mirrororchid on May 1, 2024 20:47:47 GMT -5
I have heard that some Women do masturbate to relax before bed. They seem to lose the connection between masturbation and sexual desire. I get this but the reason I'm stunned is because for months she's been saying she never masterbates. Leaning into this I've asked if she would be open to me helping her "relax" and she was actually open to this. So it seems like a mental game to meet the same end result? I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way when I say.... your wife is an idiot. Never in the mood but masturbating every so often. Does she understand what libido is? Jesus on a cracker. So stupid I have to favor deadzone75's cynicism. She cannot be so clueless, can she? Still, when my wife was having terrible difficulty because of menopause, manual sex and tribbing was how I could please her. It can be very gratifying to be the source of your wife's pleasure. On a few occasions when the bliss was especially sweet for her, I begged off when she offered to return the favor because I didn't want to ruin something so good for her. It's like finishing off a seven course fine dining experience with a bag of circus peanuts. It's just wrong. You can potentially enjoy such erotic generosity, not insist on participating, and continue to plan for your exit. Consider it practice for a thoughtful lover in your future who will reward you for all the practice you'll get in with your ex. If she surprises you with a turnaround, great, but remember...pessimists are only pleasantly surprised. Be kind, be good, be generous, and expect nothing. Your reward comes later, most likely not from Mrs. m76 I'd love to be wrong. |
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Post by Apocrypha on May 3, 2024 12:50:19 GMT -5
What I want to explore, with the help of the therapist is if there's a way for possible physical intimacy without sex and will I enjoy whatever form that takes? But if she's not willing to take any steps at all to help me then I know it's over. The burning question that shouldn't be this painful... is sex worth a marriage? Choices are being made about sex that have resulted in the marriage being on the line. The implication is always that risking a marriage over sex is petty. She might pose it as if you'd risk the marriage for sex, but she is also risking the marriage over sex, so evidently neither of you feel it is petty. I don't know who is "right" in this case, but it's evident that you agree it's important enough to risk everything. Still in councilling so I learned something new today... Previously my wife had said that she never masterbates and never has any desire. She revealed today that she regularly masterbates but just for "relaxation". I'm stunned. Time and again on this forum, I've posed the the claim that "aesexuals" are extremely rare, and most celibate marriages are eventually resolved via a new partner or affair. I have seen it so many times, I've experienced it myself both in my former marriage and among separated and divorced women I've dated. Moreover, I've found a pattern - at least among many women I've had first dates with - to shirk accountability for their personal peccadilloes. Whereas a guy is branded as a lothario or F-boy if they have other partners, women often frame it as "self-care" and don't seem to want to own it. "Really? You are going slow, looking for that long term quality guy? For THAT long? How do you cope?" "Well, I've had a FWB, but he's not boyfriend material." "So you are looking for the quality guy and you'll take that slow with him, but the FWB who is not your BF, you see whenever you need to take the edge off. Got it." I think when coming at this problem, it's really helpful to look at WHAT is happening and less helpful in how it is characterized. |
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m76
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Posts: 419
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Post by m76 on May 3, 2024 14:15:10 GMT -5
On a side note regarding external partners...
My wife has started to become obsessed with who my friends are online. Asking about various Facebook contacts and who they are, how I know them. Until 2 weeks ago she never questioned anything about my social media.
I think she may suspect I'm cheating even though I'm not. I'm a homebody and rarely out unless it's to go an activity like my volunteering or to the gym.
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